Board Thread:Fan-made Monsters/@comment-34497523-20180925033546/@comment-27950421-20180925172034

Alright, don't take this personally and don't say that you weren't warned.

First off, I've seen plenty of profiles like this. And to sum them all up in one sentence, they're lazy.

When I said that there's work to be done, I meant it. You have a total of three sentences. And that's being generous. That first one isn't actually a sentence. Most high school teachers wouldn't even consider that to be a paragraph, let alone a finished piece of work. What you have is at best a starting concept, which is a very, very long ways away from being ready to be published. Which make no mistake, that is what you're doing when you post stuff on the forums. You are publishing your work for others here to see. And judge you by. The informalness of the group allows for a person to skip making a final draft and most of the editing process, but it does not excuse skipping the making of any draft period.

As to the concept, there's not much to say. It's a basic "Like a [insert mamono here] but better". Which might be good if done right, but is often forgettable at best, garbage at worst. The thing is you say pretty much nothing about these "Platinum Ryu" beyond them being "more evolved", "more pragmatic", and that they go looking for the one and only man who can satisfy them. You say nothing about how they are more evolved or how they are more pragmatic. Also the tirelessly searching for their one and only man is redundant, that's what all mamono do. The only time that a normal Ryu has more than one man is for their Rain Call spell and even then it is commonly assumed that once they find their husband they use him and only him for that ceremony.

In the end, what we have here a color swapped ryu who doesn't perform the rain call spell. That's it. There's no reason to even differentiate between your platinum ryu and a normal ryu who just doesn't live in a temple or something.