User blog:Party Vanderbilt/Party's What Do Wonders - Oomukade Edition

Archived from the Oomukade page, originally in response to a "What Do You Do" scenario posted by Mad Larry, presented here in mostly unedited form:

"You are forced into a nearby cave by a rather fierce thunderstorm..You start a fire to dry yourself when you hear something scuttling behind you.You turn around to see what it is but there is nothing there.You get up to see if the storm has passed but it hasn't You head back to your fire and you come face-to-face with an Oomukade.

What will you do?"

Centipedes?! Why did it have to be centipedes?!

I let out a short, "Hi..." and without giving her time to respond, I'm off. Storm or no storm I'm not about to be eaten by a giant centipede. Within seconds, I'm out of the cave and into the storm.

My arms and legs are pumpling like crazy, and my chest is huffing and puffing. I take a quick glance over my shoulder, though, and there she is, swerving back and forth over the road and smashing through trees!

Exhaustion be damned, I turn into the metaphorical Six Million Dollar Man! A new wave of desperation overcomes me, and I feel a surge of power I didn't know I had! Ha! I'm doing it! I'm putting distance between us!

Unfortunately, I get a little too cocky. An Ushi-Oni just happens to be trying to cross the road and, as I'm not paying attention, I barrel straight into her. We topple end over end before crashing to a dizzy rest right at the edge of a cliff. Our heads are both swimming and neither of us can see straight. We each of us get up, and start stumbling about.

Meanwhile, the Oomukade hasn't even thought about giving up her pursuit. She's flying down the path, aimed dead at me, when all of a sudden a blast of lightning hits a tree right beside her, on her left. She swerves to the right and scrubs against the mountainside hard enough to kick up chunks of dirt and then, just as she thinks she's got herself righted...

She hits a mud patch just as the Ushi-Oni and I stumble back into each other. She kids out of control and just before we fall back on our butts, she smashes dead into us.

So there's three of us, now, all tangled up and tumbling over the cliff. I'm screaming, they're trying to untangle themselves, and the fall seems to be taking forever. Finally, though, we come to a collective crash with a watery splash. The Oomukade and myself actually get lucky. The Ushi-Oni lands underneath us, serving as a shock absorber. She's clearly not dead, but her tongue's just sort of hanging out and her eyes are swirling about. So's the Oomukade's, now that I get a good look at her.

I start trying to pull myself out of the tangled wreckage, when I just happen to take a look around. It looks like we landed in some sort of pool, surrounded by all sorts of beautiful statues.

One of which we...broke...

Oh dear.

I happen to see a gorgeous, yet clearly furious, woman with purple hair and...some sort of tail. Her face is red, her eyes are squinted, her teeth are gritted and both of her scaled, clawed arms are held straight down at her sides, almost like she's trying to push the ground down without touching it.

I hear her yell out, "BAKKA!!!!" and suddenly the rain stops. The clouds start to swirl until they're all collected over our three heads. The Oomukade, Ushi-Oni and myself are all fully conscious at this point, and we all start trying to talk over each other, explaining that it was all a misunderstanding and the real culprits were actually the other two and...

There's a flash. A loud KABLAAM! And now all of us are just sitting here on our butts, with our tongues poked out as we blink over and over. We're completely singed, but not dead.

But when we see the Ryu pound her right fist into her left hand, we really wish we were.