Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-26380985-20151217174935/@comment-26115871-20151219203727

Ronchellster wrote: You are the pilot testing for a flying machine. Midway through the flight test you get caught in a portal that led to wonderland, over a beach, with a sea so full of aphrodisiac that was purple. Your device has caught the attention of a Jabberwock that approached you.

What happens now?

Well, before I tell you my tale I want to explain something to you. Most portals to Wonderland involve going into a wererabbit hole. I am in a flying contraption. So I'm sure there's someone out there asking why on earth I'd be flying towards the ground.

Well, let me summarize exactly how that happened. My friend's this crazy inventor who got jealous of the way angels and valkyries fly, so he has made it his life goal to find a way for a person to fly without relying on wind magic. That resulted in him creating this strange contraption, with massive wings and this strange contraption that uses fuel to create fire for thrust. But in a cruel twist of fate, the guy is absolutely terrified of heights and begged me to test his machine, offering a generous amount of gold and the promise that if it works, I get half the credit.

And all in all, the flight started out amazingly well. I was having the time of my life flying around the Order's land. My friend had alerted the soldiers that I'd be testing out his flying machine, and that they shouldn't shoot at me. All in all, it went really well until. . . well, I ran out of fuel. And as I found out, my friend - being the genius he is - decided to design the contraption so that when it runs out of fuel, it gives the flier a gentle reminder by folding up the wings until the extra fuel is applied.

So in reality, I wasn't flying towards the wererabbit hole. I was falling towards the wererabbit hole, valiantly and calmly kicking and screaming.

Then I fell through, and the entire world seemed to shift to this bizarre place not unlike a dream. The purple water, monsters up and down a beach, all looking up when a single monster - a strange purple dragon-like one - points upwards at me. Of course, not like I can see that right now. As it turns out, wererabbit holes - while far, far larger than a rabbit hole - are only just big enough for the bulk of the contraption to go through. Unfortunately, it was not big enough for the wings to go through. So now I'm stuck maybe five hundred feet or so off the ground in a flying craft that has had its wings ripped off AND is out of fuel.

In desperation I press a big red button on the craft, hoping my friend may have planned for this kind of problem. The craft immediately comes apart, leaving me falling with several heavy metal parts towards the beach. If the landing doesn't kill me (which it should), the metal parts falling behind me will easily finish me off.

I'm facing upwards with very little option to face any other way when I feel myself hit something hard. Purple wings appear on both sides of my vision, and suddenly I'm flying away from the wreckage. It takes me a few seconds to realize there's a massive pair of claws tightly clutching my chest, and in a panic I nearly begin kicking and screaming before I realize this thing's saving my life right now. Probably not a good time to be a handful.

She comes to a slow stop a bit farther down the beach, mere inches from the ground, before letting me go. I immediately gulp in huge amounts of air. GOD she's strong, my chest hurts something AWFUL.

"Uh . . . th-thank you?"

"You're welcome. Quite the entrance, by the way."

I just sigh before looking back at where the portal was. I can't see it at all. Not that I'm surprised. If I could even reach the spot that I was before, I'd just be flying blindly until I bumped into it by accident - and that's assuming it's not just a one-way portal that doesn't actually let people out. Well, looks like I'm stuck here.

To my surprise I suddenly feel a pair of furry paws yanking off my pants and underwear before a furry foot kicks me towards the purple dragon thing. I look behind myself to find a purple catgirl thing grinning as she fades away, at which point I sit up and profusely apologize to the dragon girl - only to be dragged right back on top of her. Oh boy, what did that catgirl just get me into. ..

Unknown to me, the Order found out about the portal thanks to my near-death. After maybe a week of arguing, a single angel goes through the portal, marking it by hanging rope out the other side. Two weeks later she still hasn't returned, so it's assumed the portal is one way and the portal is sealed off by powerful mages to ensure that no more unfortunate accidents happen.

Meanwhile, I'm having a crazy time with my new wife and new maid. My favorite time of day is our angel maid's breaktime, because that's when I get to watch my wife have a little 'fun' with her. Well, that and it gives time for my pelvis to rest. Not that I regret it, of course.

I'm sure there are mistakes here and there, but I'm still proud of it dammit. :)