Thread:AngryLance/@comment-37028137-20200128044919/@comment-37028137-20200402010341

Greetings Lance,

Things are...progressing, I 'talked' with Marius and Sir Vengeance and we're all seeing more cases emerge as time goes on. The best I'm doing is staying indoors, I suppose that's all I really can do. Makes one feel sort of powerless.

I've been a tad off as it were for a few days, if you couldn't tell. That being said I did manage to finish the character dialogue between Nick and Vellantha, discussing their issues. So my sour mood was fitting for that sort of introspective writing and helped me accomplish something! Hooray!

I'll post it below, it takes place right after the end of chapter 28 and the begining of 29 picks up right where it left off with Nick being injured so happy stuff. Be warned this is a long one too (About 8,990 words) and that's not even the whole chapter.

Take your time, don't read it in one setting please and let me know what you think.

'' Vellantha’s Perspective. ''

Emerging in the heart of the field hospital, I held Nick close as I raced through the hospital and towards the surgical wing. His body had grown steadily brighter and his features seemed to lose their solidity, gaining only vague outlines. The spectral guardians fashioned from my thoughts ran along behind me; and as my rage dimmed they resumed their more knightly appearance. Likewise my own features grew softer and less vicious. I burst through the doors to the surgical unit, and in my haste ripped them from the walls with my wings. “I need a team here now!” My appearance startled the staff as they instinctively moved back astonishment but they soon overcame the initial shock and sprung to work. Whirling about in concentrated disarray the doctors went to work. “Lady Vellantha this next part will be unsettling, you may wish to leave. “Your concern is noted I’m staying.”

Time Jump: 5 Minutes.

The doctors had agreed to let me stay but insisted I wear proper protection to avoid infection and I was now dressed in a surgical gown, mask and gloves. Nick was lying on a hard metal table, with a number of machines surrounding him. The machines measured everything from his blood pressure and heart rate, to his neural activity, and molecular cohesion. As the last of his clothes were removed to observe the damage the fire had done I noted the state of his form, and my heart sank. The entirety of Nick’s body from his chest, arms, down to his legs and feet were covered in an abundance of rugged scars. I ran my gloved fingers over several deep discolored areas along his torso. “I wouldn’t worry about those Lady Vellantha, they’re old scars, and he isn’t in any pain.” One of the nurses, a Baphomet, who was on a stepping stool to observe the procedure remarked gently. “I...Can you tell how old they are?” The nurse felt over Nick’s form her eyes roaming the scars for some time. “Judging by the discoloration and faded state they’re in, I’d say fairly old. Though it’s hard to be specific, scars tend to vary person to person.” I nodded and let the nurse get back to her work treating Nick’s injuries. ''Is this the price you paid for all the people you’ve helped? ''I ran my hands delicately over his marred form in sadness, my eyes soon fixing on a tattoo covering the left side of his chest. It was partially burned away but it appeared as a dark black pentagram surrounded by a sun. What is that?

I was interrupted in my examination as the machines Nick was attached to began beeping shrilly and his body started to spasm. The amber light surrounding his body reached an apex that flooded the room with painful intensity. By now the doctors were in a state of panic as they yelled out to each other about his vitals and physical condition. I could barely take in what was said as the verbal jousting in the operating room reached a new peak, and the doctors and nurses argued back and forth. It looked as though the operating room was descending to madness. One increasingly agitated Hakutaku was utterly lost as she checked the machines around Nick’s body. “His vitals are all over the place and his blood pressure’s off the charts! What the hell is this?!” I was quick to push in and offer advice as I realized the doctors were unaware of several important details. “He has two hearts!” Turning her gaze on me the Hakutaku’s faced flashed with confusion. “What?! That’s preposterous!” I nodded vigorously and continued on. “Nick has two hearts, he told me so. That’s why his blood pressure looks so high, he isn’t Human!”

“With all due respect Supreme Admiral I think I’d remember reading about something that strange in the Captain’s medical history! I need you to leave now; you’re not medically trained for this. The best thing you can do is stay out of the way!” I bristled angrily at this assumption of superiority, her grandstanding was going to get Nick killed. Grabbing the impertinent woman by the lapels of her lab coat I hoisted her off her hooves and up to my line of sight. “'''Listen to me closely! I know what I’m talking about and if you don’t start paying attention then YOU ARE GOING TO KILL HIM!'''” “Uh, um ma’am the Supreme Admiral is correct Captain Hawthorn’s X-Ray shows two hearts side by side.” The same Baphomet nurse I’d spoken to earlier sheepishly held up a translucent X-Ray she’d taken to show the doctor, which proudly displayed the dual cardiovascular system. Grinning I placed the dumbstruck physician back on solid footing and turned to the Baphomet nurse with a smile. “Would you mind taking over here and coordinating with the rest of the staff on Nick’s recovery?” “Well I’m just a nurse but I’d be happy to.” I grinned. “Perfect thank you! Oh and consider yourself field promoted for the time being and don’t worry I’ll sort things out with Nick when he wakes up.”

The Baphomet gained a look of awe and shock at my sudden change, but she quickly regained her sense of occasion. Calming herself she starting shouting rapid fire orders to the staff in the O.R. “Okay everyone Captain Hawthorn’s condition is deteriorating rapidly so we need to pull ourselves together and get to work!” The Baphomet pointed to a number of staff members and issued orders to make sure they worked as a team. “Okay everybody let’s move You get me a scan of his tissue composition around the burn area, you get me a blood sample so we can get a donor match started, and you begin preparations for skin grafts we need to make sure he doesn’t develop eschars around his wounds! Admiral would you mind waiting outside? I’ll let you know if his condition changes.” “Of course, and please take care of him.” With that I was gently ushered out of the O.R. and left standing alone in the hallway.

As soon as I was alone my cheerful mask disappeared. I should have been happy; after all I had every reason to be, we’d won the day. Rathengalia was ours and the Order was being excised, but at what cost? Slumping against a wall I lowered myself to the floor in a daze. Exhaustion crept into my body now that the adrenaline fueling my movements had dissipated and the whole day blurred in fragments of memory behind my closed eyelids. The reports of the false god‘s attacks her own troops to stop our spread flared into my thoughts. While the images I’d seen of piles of Mamono and Human bodies burned by the Order under her command accompanied the memory, soon to be replaced by another. Wendalia’s illness caused by the vile living conditions and subsequent need to be reborn in Undeath flashed in my mind. All those Human children forced to scratch out a meager existence hiding from the Order or risk being drafted into a war or destroyed, soon followed. All the suffering and pain swirled in my mind. ''How many good people did that false god hurt in the pursuit of her goals?! How many suffered and died under her scornful eye?! How do I help these people move on? How do I move on? ''All important questions and all left unanswered as I had no answer that could hope to fill such a void. Manifesting my silver flask in a blaze of amethyst light I took a long drink and rested my head on my arms. Then the memory of Nick filled my thoughts and I felt wetness stain my cheeks.

“Are you okay young one? You seem upset. Here dry those tears.” A familiar and soothing voice reached my ears and I glanced up in surprise. The corporeal avatar of the TARDIS was standing over me a gentle smile on her lips, and her emerald eyes sparkling warmly. “Emma, what are you doing here? I thought you couldn’t move very far beyond the boundaries of your interior.” Smiling gleefully Emma tucked a loose strand of copper hair behind her ear and bent down so we were at eye level and began to wipe away stray tears from my eyes. “You’re right I can’t move far from my interior, you know most people realize when they’ve been teleported.” My eyes widened in surprise and I jumped up from my seat on the floor to be greeted by the sight of the TARDIS console room. The main console was lit up in frenzied activity while the gears overhead rotated and spun with noisy purpose. “I’m in the TARDIS?! Wait what about Nick?! We need to go back, he’s hurt and in the hospital at…” Emma reached up and laid her hands across my shoulders giving them a gentle squeeze.

“Calm down young one. I was well aware of Nick’s wounds, we’re linked remember? And don’t worry I’ve already attended to his injuries; I beamed him up here right after you exited the operating room. As nice as those doctors intentions may have been, they don’t know the first thing about Gallifreyan physiology; so I wasn’t about to leave him there. It took me a good three hours to fix him up, but he’s stable now and resting in the Zero Room. You can go see him later if you’d like. I actually wanted to talk with you, see how you’re doing but judging by the look on your face, and the flask in your hand I’d say not well.” Emma took my hand and guided me towards the main console and into one of the seats near its edge. She then took the seat next to me and gave me a firm glance. “It may help if you talk about what troubles you. I could listen if you want young one?”

I shook my head trying to clear it. There were too many thoughts swirling in my around in my skull. I wanted them to stop and I took a drink from my flask to steady myself. “Did…Did Nick see me, the other me I mean?” Emma gave a curt nod confirming my worst fears, as my resolve broke and tears spilled forth like a flood. “I-I’m scared Emma! I’ve always been able to keep that other side of me locked away in my mind, only letting her take over when absolutely necessary. But this time I didn’t mean to change, it just happened. Nick was on the ground hurt, I thought he was dead! He’s the only friend I have and when I saw him like that something snapped. I wanted, I wanted to…” Emma leaned forward in her seat pressing the question. “What young one? What did you want?”  “I wanted to hurt someone to make them pay for what they did! I wanted to kill the Mage that caused Nick’s wounds!” Emma nodded her face softening and she dabbed at my eyes removing my tears. “But you didn’t kill him; you stopped yourself just shy of crossing that line.” “But that’s the problem Emma! Everything in me was screaming to kill him! It would have been so easy too; Humans are so fragile to begin with! I had my hand on his throat…” I gestured to my throat brushing my fingers across the pale, soft flesh. “…I could feel his pulse through the veins in his neck, the current of life stirred to a frenzy of fear. It thundered through his body, purveying the desperation to cling to life. If I’d just tightened my grip I would have ended him in an instant, he’d be gone forever. I managed to regain my senses in time before I did something horrible. But what if this happens again?! Wh-what happens if I-I lose control again and I can’t stop or won’t?!” A ragged sob escaped my throat as a hideous realization crept into my mind and I stared down at my hands in revulsion. “If I lose control of myself and she comes out while I’m around Nick I could kill him!”

“Yes you’re right, something may happen young one, and Nick could get hurt. But you’re speaking about hypothetical scenarios which might happen as if they were fact! You can’t live in fear of what may be. Now I want you to go talk to Nick and…” “I can’t do that Emma! If he finds out what I am he’ll...” I watched as Emma drew herself up from her seat and took me in a sweet, encircling hug. “Vellantha please talk with Nick, explain what you’re afraid of, and tell him what you told me. I know this is terrifying, but if something bad really does happen and you didn’t tell him, it’ll be so much worse. I already talked to Nick; he has a few things to get off his chest too. You know what they say ‘sharing is caring’!” A whirlwind of ideas spun around in my head as I tried to rationalize an excuse but I knew Emma was right. My arms wrapped around the hologram’s frame and hugged back tightly. “You’re right, I’m-I’m gonna go talk to Nick.” Emma relinquished her loving grip and I stood from my seat. Marching towards the steps intently I moved quickly, but I stopped as I realized I had no idea where to go. “Uh which way is he? I actually don’t know where to go.” Emma let out a warm laugh of joyous mirth; the kind that is shared between friends indulging in a personal joke. It felt good to be showered in that warmth as if it was being affirmed that I was a part of the group. “Here I’ll just give you a straight line to Nick’s location…” With a snap of her fingers a glowing golden circle appeared in the console room. It shimmered with strange symbols before contorting and revealing a room beyond its opening. Stepping through the portal, I turned and waved to the grinning avatar. “…When you two are finished Nick will let me know, I have something I want to share with both of you.” With that the portal closed and I was alone.

It was immediately apparent that the room was a laboratory of complex design. Not surprising since Nick always appeared more at home under such analytic conditions and toiling at the vanguard of technology. I chuckled quietly to myself as the thought of Nick scrambling about during our own work with the nanite formula sprung to mind. But that happy thought soon disappeared. Walking further into the room I felt that something was wrong. Emma said Nick was supposed to be here and yet there was nothing but the solitude of metal monoliths and the flashing of computers busy at their work. It was silent as a tomb. ''Perhaps that’s what it is. ''My mind cautioned me gently, for the room spoke of distance and sterility as cold lights of blue and white glinted off of metal frames. No this was far different than Nick’s normal scope; his lab at the Royal Makai had been bathed in warmth. Still a technological pinnacle yes, but gifted with the eccentric flair of papers and journals scattered haphazardly as Nick seemed to dance around his workspace with joyful energy. Wires and circuits displayed in assorted clutter to the untrained eye but all having their place and all thoughtfully cared for. This room though was different, it was not welcoming or kind, it stood defiant of any visitors. I moved deeper into the solitary maze of technology, past tables, consoles, beakers, and innumerable sets of equipment hidden in their purpose.

Soon though I came across a different oddity that was out of place in such a cold environment. A red wood desk trimmed with bright colored trinkets and toys fit for a child with a green tinted banker's desk lamp standing vigil. Curiosity sparkled in my eyes and I moved my hands across its contents. A number of brightly colored books lay in a pile and I read the titles with mild confusion. The Cyber King and the Seven Keys to Doomsday, The Three Little Rutans And The Big Bad Sontaran, The Nanogenes And The Computer Engineer. I glanced at the rest of the desk’s treasure, a soft plush animal resembling a cat with grey and black fluff but with larger ears and bright eyes. A silver and cerulean blue blanket stitched with constellations lay folded along one corner. The shine of grooved grey metal beckoned to me from under the soft fabric. Moving the blanket slightly revealed the pocket watch Nick had worn during our trip off world. ''Why would Nick just leave this here? He seemed so protective of it when he thought it was damaged in the rapids of the waterfall.'' I ran my fingers along the smooth etchings in the metal; they were similar to the designs on the TARDIS console gears. Moving with precise care I replaced the timepiece under the blanket’s corner. It was weird to see such items left among a dark lab. But it occurred to me that the desk was flawless, no dust or residue lay on its surface, it was cared for. A page caught my gaze or more correctly the title on the page. Thaumaturgical Intracranial Electrodes in Conjunction with Implanted Runic Multi-adaptive Skeletal Relays and Their Role in the Treatment of Individuals Suffering from Motor Cortex Dysfunction and Related Disorders. Written by Dr. Vellantha and Dr. Saphirette. It was one of my dissertations! the one I’d seen Nick reading the night I showed him and Mom my plans for vehicles that could move in space. I thought I threw this away, how did he…

“Ugh this is lovely, burnt across the chest, clothes ruined, stripped nude on a table, and just to add insult to injury they misplaced my sword. Hmm some doctors they turned out to be, thank goodness for rational sense and more importantly Silmë.”  Hearing the annoyed musings of my friend I swept him into a hug just as he rounded the corner. “Nick! You’re okay!” “Hmm? What the...Ah Vels. There you are!” Nick had pulled back slightly from my hug and was looking at me intently, a small simper crossing his lips. “So how are you feeling Vels? Better I’d hope.”  I noticed the sparkle in Nick’s eyes it was bright and gentle, mixed with a genuine concern for my wellbeing. ''So much said with just a look; and cutting to what’s important. ''“I-I’m doing, better. Thanks Nick.” My friend’s eyes narrowed in thought before glimmering with purpose. “Right, well then you and I need to have a heart to hearts as it were…” Nick motioned to the flask I had been carrying with a wave. “…Can I offer you something a smidge less potent? In fact I think I’ll have a coffee, I’ll put one on for you as well.”

Nick pulled away gently and gave me an encouraging smile as he bypassed the colorful wooden table. He paused just long enough however, to run his fingers over the cerulean blanket his eyes growing dark as he did so, and to swipe the grey pocket watch from its resting place and deposit it into the pocket of his characteristic black suit coat. “Come along, come along, we’ve much to discuss Vels! Though I dare say this drab old lab might not make for the most hospitable of locales. Now let me see, a change of scenery would be just the ticket.” Nick extended his hand reaching out towards the darkness of the cold machines. With a flick of his wrist a bright golden flame dispersed through the air before shattering to resemble glass and contorting into a shimmering orb of brazen light. “Ah lovely, there we are.” Turning back Nick offered me his left hand which I took happily. A feeling of contentment and peace flooded through me at the simple action as Nick led the way through the portal. When we emerged I found myself surrounded by towering bookcases, vaulted ceilings, and large stone pillars supporting vast stained glass windows which sparkled with a multitude of colors. Leading the way to a set of brown, espresso colored leather chairs Nick offered me a seat before taking the other for himself. In a wisp of light he manifested two cups of coffee and handed one to me.

“Here, simple recipe coffee, sweet cream, and a dash of honey; always helps me when I feel blue. Hmm, (sigh) Silmë and I had a frank discussion while she was patching me up. You know I hate dancing around an issue so I’ll drop pretense and get to it. Would you like to begin or shall I?” I grinned inwardly at the affectionate name Nick lent to his ship before steadying my nerves with a sip of coffee and nodding reluctantly. “Emma and I were talking earlier; she said that you saw me change into that other side of me, that you saw what I did.” “Some of it, yes.” He nodded. “Nick there’s a darker part of me that I’ve had all my life; where I would lock away my nastier thoughts that were unfit for my kind. She represents all my anger and aggression, my more violent tendencies. I’ve always been able to control her, to keep that part of myself hidden. The rage that she provides keeps me together, keeps me moving. That’s why I’m such a good soldier; she’s the one that gives me a purpose on the battlefield, and in the war rooms. I can keep going because when she takes over, I get stronger, better, it feels...good. I know it shouldn’t because I could hurt someone. The rational part of my mind tells me that every time I change; but that sense of risk and lack of limitations is enthralling. The power to do whatever we want is amazing!””

I choked up as my emotions crashed through my body to remind me that no one would accept the truth of what I am. My wings started to tremble as fear and dread flooded through me. I was so consumed in my anxiety that I hadn’t noticed Nick move from his chair and kneel next to me with his hands wrapping around my own. “Hey, it’s alright. It’s okay. Take your time.” A warm light ripped through the blackness of my mind at his touch. I felt happier as if the weight of my doubts were being removed. I gripped Nick’s hands tightly worried that he would run if I let go but a feeling of peace and the glistening hue of his soft eyes consoled me. “A-All I wanted was to keep you safe Nick! I told you I’ve been a soldier since I was a little girl and all that time training to protect my home and my people because that’s what I wanted. Similarly I Vowed to protect you, to keep you safe after you saved my life because I wanted to...But when that Mage attacked you I realized''' I couldn’t even protect my only friend! '''I-I thought he’d killed you. I was so scared that you were dead, afraid that I failed again, and angry that he hurt you! I was terrified that I lost everything again, and it was like a dam had burst as all my sense disappeared. All those feelings came to the surface and she took over''' without my meaning her to! '''She was screaming that if we couldn’t save you then at least we could take revenge! It was so easy dragging that Mage into the sky, imparting the knowledge that he was an insignificant speck! We could have killed him, we wanted to kill him! But it would have meant breaking every Vow and belief we hold dear. I didn’t want that to happen; and I don’t want you to think that I’m a monster, th-that-I…”

I froze as my confession passed my lips and waited from the inevitable rebuke as Nick gave me a steady gaze. But a rebuke didn’t come, instead as his cobalt eyes glistened with tears. His face and perpetual silence frightened me even more than his anger could have; and I rebelled against it in shock. “Aren’t you going to yell at me or tell me how disturbed I am?! Or maybe run screaming?!” Nick shook his head vehemently as a sad and compassionate smile wreathed his features.

“Not at all Vels, there’s nothing to say other than I’m so glad you told me. As for running that is not going to happen, you’re my friend Vels. Nothing will change that.” Nick rose from kneeling and pulled me from the chair into a tight hug while locking eyes with me as his tone became soft. “And for the record let me make something very clear you are not a failure, or a monster. If you hadn’t brought me to the field hospital when you did I would be gone and a new version of me would standing here. You saved me from a harrowing experience, so no you’re not a failure. Moreover ‘Monster’ is a title I reserve for very specific types of evil and you are certainly not among that group. Now then, I know you are scared, but that’s okay. I’m going to help you alright? In any way I can.”

I nodded as Nick moved to grab his coffee cup once more and began to sip from it vigorously as his eyes darted around the room. “I’m missing something…Yes! No…Yes! I was right! Vels you said she and her and we not I or me when talking about the change! Now that could simply be personal pronoun confusion a little slip up, or you really meant it that way! That could mean you’re differentiating between yourself and the ‘change’ as a separate part of yourself, a distinct person. When you change like I saw you do on the battlefield; is there a separate person who takes over when you enter that state?” I grimaced in thought as I weighed the consequences of what I should reveal. I had already admitted the thrill the change brought and my other side’s violent nature; and Nick hadn’t run he’d even affirmed he wasn’t going to leave and that he wanted to help. He’d even managed to work out that ‘she’ was a separate person to myself. There was nothing to lose in revealing what he had already worked out. “Yes she’s a unique part of me, she’s been with me since I was a baby, kept us both safe. But she hates most people and won’t interact with them at all. This is the first time she’s ever manifested on her own to help someone else.”

Nick paced the length between our two chairs muttering under his breath in a fit of concentration. “Emotional distress? It’s possible…But the physical transformation is another matter entirely…External stimuli linked with certain stressors precipitating a physical transformation…no, no, no, I’m thinking of a ridiculous notion…Then again ‘thinking of a ridiculous notion’ is probably fit to be the epithet attached to my name in some sense.” Nick’s head snapped up as his cobalt eyes shone with a radiant light and an exuberant smile creased his lips.

“Then again that might just be it. Vellantha you said this other side of you has been there since you were a baby and that she kept you safe right? At the most basic level we are all creatures of instinct and emotion. Think about it when you changes you were being attacked and under stress. On some level either emotional or psychological she appeared to defend you and by extension me from an outside threat. I’m vastly oversimplifying here but you are both halves of a whole being. Therefore it would be in her best interest to keep you alive as you share a body. As for her aggression it’s a survival instinct if she’s only allowed out during times of great stress or fear! Hmm I’d be cross too if I was only needed during desperate circumstances. Which I usually am, but I’m getting off track now. My point is bottling up emotions in any manner is always bad and can lead to a smattering of issues...Please feel free to chime in at any point I hate talking to empty air here.”

I ran my hands through my silver hair tugging at clumps and mindlessly chewing at the long strands in thought. “Sorry just thinking, so do you think that she exists because of me repressing my emotions?” Nick furrowed his brow and resumed pacing. “Mm it’s possible, though I think you may have dissociation between yourself and specific emotions not everything all at once. There is a condition known as ‘Dissociative identity disorder’ wherein a new personality is created to cope with trauma that cannot otherwise be handled. From what I saw, admittedly before I passed into unconsciousness was you physically and mentally transform into a new person. I read your files and saw you fight; your Mystical abilities are boundless. So I don’t see it as a stretch that your mind under certain conditions could create a new body along with a new personality to deal with a supposed threat or painful event. The question is what was the precipitating event?”

“I don’t know. I can’t remember a time before she was with me, I’m sorry I know that doesn’t help.” I shrugged helplessly feeling hollow at the action, unsure of what I should do now. “It may be immaterial in any case Vels. I suppose the real focus need not be on how or when or even why but on what happens now. How do you want to proceed?” My eyes wandered around the room taking in the atmosphere of the stained glass windows and towering stone pillars spiraling towards raised ceilings as my mind raced towards a resolution. “I’ve always been able to rely on my other half to protect me, but she was never needlessly violent. Something’s different I want to know what it is. I want to be able to talk to and interact with her not just share a body.” I flashed my friend a confident grin feeling sure of what I wanted. Nick returned the gesture as his features were swept back into a heartfelt smile. “Very well then that is what we will work towards.”

Nick sipped from his coffee cup once more but in an instant Nick’s face twisted into a disgusted look. His irises flared to life in golden flame as he menaced over his cup with a shout. “How dreadful, my coffee’s gone cold! Well this is absolutely appalling! Be gone from my sight you frigid flagon! I cast you out back to the bowels of Hell from whence ye came!” With one swift motion he tossed the entire cup carelessly over his left shoulder where it was consumed in fire and disappeared. The whole exchange took mere seconds but Nick’s intensity and delivery, created cracks in my gloomy thoughts and I was overcome with laughter. “Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh (gasp) thanks Nick.” “Certainly, I’m glad to see you’re in better spirits. (Sigh) I suppose this means it’s my time to share with the rest of the class eh? Well then, follow me it’ll be easier to explain if I can show you the data sets.”

My tail shot out and wrapped around Nick’s waist and pulled him into my arms to keep him from rushing off. “First I want you to answer a couple of questions that have been irritating me for some time, and don’t even think about lying to me, my friend.” Nick feigned a hurt expression. “Have I ever done so before?” “No but you do have a talent for talking at length about nothing. The only reason I know most of what I do about you is because I saw inside your mind and the letter from my future self. I know a self-defense mechanism when I see one but you don’t have to hide yourself around me Nick! I want to help you no matter what. So please just give me a chance Ok?” Nick sighed, a somber expression consuming his face as he did so. “Very well, what do you want to know?” Stepping back from Nick slightly I could see bags under his eyes, and his posture was weighed down by exhaustion. “I know you altered your service records to appear Human; and if I hadn’t been there they would’ve killed you due to incorrect information. So I want to know why you altered them.”

My friend scowled but it seemed more directed to himself than me. “Bloody hell, ugh fine yes I lied but it wasn’t because I was afraid of folks knowing I’m not Human. (Sigh) I lied because I don’t want people to know that I’m, broken...Look I’d rather not talk about that, if that’s okay with you Vels.” I felt anger rise in my chest as Nick spoke, his continued evasiveness was digging away at my patience. But it was the bleak dullness in his eyes, and the look of utter helplessness twisting his normally kind features that hurt me enough to break my rage loose. “No it’s not okay with me and we are going to talk about this now! For Pandemonium’s Sake Nick I just told you something I never thought I would tell anyone because it scares me. But you stood by me, do you really think I wouldn’t do the same for you? Or do you really think so little of me that I can’t be trusted?!”

The last sentence slipped out instinctively and I regretted it as soon as it passed my lips. I watched as my friend’s face crumbled and tears spilled like a waterfall down his cheeks. I felt him return my light embrace tightly as he sobbed uncontrollably. My wings quivered as I stretched them out to wrap Nick up in an attempt to soothe him. “I-I’m sorry Nick I shouldn’t have said…” The weight of a hand pressed gently on my shoulder and the shaky smile creeping across Nick’s face halted my words. “Don’t apologize Vels, for there’s nothing to forgive. That’s exactly what you needed to say. It can take a harsher touch to break through this hard head of mine when I’m being an idiot...” Nick rapped his knuckles against his head forehead for emphasis. “…But you are right I do need help, and I’m sorry if you ever felt that I didn’t trust you due to my closed-minded stupidity. '''Right now you are the only person I trust Vels even above myself. '''If you really want to know why I’m like this then you need to see how I began…But I-I can’t it…”

Nick’s words and tone struck me as fearful and I held him tighter. “What is it, what’s happened?” Nick shook his head sadly a deep pain brimming behind the tears in his eyes. “You can’t say can you, it hurts too much? Then don’t speak, show me.” I cupped Nick’s face tilting his chin upwards to see his eyes, my fingers brushing away at his tears. “I hate seeing you like this, let me in, and let me help…please.” The fatigue on Nick’s face melted away as I slipped past his rough exterior and into the labyrinth of his mind. An orange sky materialized above my head as cracked reddish brown mud shifted under my boots. Shanty buildings and decrepit slums faded into view. The air was hazy and thick with the smell of…feces and urine. Groups of people wallowed about the muck slicked streets, coughing raspingly as they traveled between buildings.

Turning about in a circle I took in the sight of suffering and sickness that assailed my senses. “Where am I?” The voice of my friend cut through the cacophony of sounds with a tone of bitterness. “My birthplace, where I began, let’s move Vels.” Nick appeared at my side, now dressed fully in his trademark grey overcoat which swayed as he moved ahead. Nick’s unconcerned air through me off and I rushed to Catch up to my brooding companion. He was alternating between running his left hand through his unkempt black hair, and using it to squeeze his right arm. “Did I ever tell you where I came from, where I was born? Or was that your future self I told?” I shook my head negatively “No you never mentioned it to me, but I do know you’re from Gallifrey, the letter from my future self mentioned it.” This stopped my friend in his tracks as he gave me a dark, questioning glance “Yes you’re quite right, well then welcome to Gallifrey Vels!” Nick spread his arms wide as if he were giving a tour of some aberrant theme park. He gestured to the shivering forms of disheveled children hiding among the ruins of shattered buildings; the clutter of trash spilling into the streets, towards broken glass and blood stained streets, and gutters filled with the dying.

“What is this?! Nick, what happened here?!” My voice came out in a rasp of pain at seeing such rampant suffering. “Nothing and that’s the problem! This is the Low Town, a slum built into the very support structure of the Gallifreyan Capitol where the poor and the disposable populations are sent to die quietly! My brother and I were born in these dank and fetid ruins during the last age of the Cloister Wars. The birth was not easy and my mother died during the process with my father following soon after out of grief. As for us, well we had our own malformations. The trauma of birth left my brother completely deaf and my body crippled...” ''Is this what he meant by being ‘broken’? “…''The High Council left us to fend for ourselves, by choosing to pretend that we didn’t exist they were saying ‘you’re worthless’ the only problem is if you tell someone they’re worthless long enough they start to believe it! The higher echelons delighted in reminding us of this fact through verbal maltreatment noting our ‘unfortunate deformations and lower birth’ and the fact that we were ‘necessary vulgarities.’ The children of the Ruling Houses would even sneak down into the Low Town and attack folks down here because they found it funny. I cannot tell you how many friends I had that would be found in an alley or on doorstep savagely beaten or worse. All the pain and misery we were forced to endure because of the Council’s apathy to our pleas; the loathing they had for us, it weighs on a person especially ones so young. I grew to hate the High Council for their indifference but even more so I grew to hate and loathe myself. After all it stands to reason if so many people were telling me I was a wretched, disgusting thing at some point they must be right. So when I fled Gallifrey I strove to cut out the manifestation of my worthlessness, my disability!”

A dark shadow fell across my friend’s eyes as he spat the sentence out as if it were poison. My body heaved and I felt sick. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing; I’d never seen Nick truly angry like this and it broke my heart. What I had seen of my friend was kindness and gentleness but it was obvious Nick could only see the negative side of himself. The many talks we’d had filtered through my thoughts as I recalled a number of Nick’s offhand remarks about how he saw himself.  “The sentiment is nice but I’m far more damaged than you would care to truly know Vellantha”   “Everyone I seem to care for ends up hurt and broken”   “I’ve lived a long life and there are chapters of my story I’d rather forget.”   I remembered his knack for genetic manipulation too, and the ‘theoretical precursor’ of the nanite formula we were creating for the Mamono to birth male offspring he’d shown me one day in the lab!

'' I sauntered up behind the Doctor and bent down to lean my head on his shoulder as he showed me images of the genetic structure. “That structure…what’s wrong with it? Why does it have a triple helix?” The Doctor chuckled for a moment. “I picked the sample up from a non-human test subject that’s why. Human DNA is so unstable after all.” The wheels turned in my brain as my eyes shot open. “So where did it come from?”  “ From a species born on a planet called Gallifrey. The donor requested to remain anonymous so I technically can’t say any more than that. Doctor-Patient confidentiality rules, you understand. This genetic strand here serves as a template of sorts. It was my first success in binding a specific strain of nanites in sequence for use in genetic alteration, though this strand is suffering systemic degradation.” I raised an eyebrow in confusion. “That doesn’t sound good.” He shook his head negatively. “It isn’t, the serum was unstable. All theoretical models suggested that habitual would create an addictive need for the substance while simultaneously causing immense agony to the subject after every use. I used this model as starting point for creating a nanite sequence which will bond to Mamono DNA but not to worry I removed the drawbacks of the original from this new serum. ''

The realization of exactly what Nick had done to himself washed over my mind, seeping into every crag and nook in my brain and I acted on instinct. Grabbing Nick by the shoulders I pulled him close to me and cupped his face in my hands as I whispered. “The genetic template with the triple helix strand you showed me during our lab work, you told me the sample was from Gallifrey before I knew that was your home! And you said it was your first success in genetic engineering! You also told me all the theoretical models showed the serum to be unstable causing addiction and pain if it was ever used! But it wasn’t a theory; you actually created it and used it on yourself didn’t you? Even at your worst you’d never risk anyone else’s life because you care about other people, but not yourself.”

Nick nodded, musing to himself “Mm-Hmm, you’re quite correct Vels. I created the serum all those millennia ago to allow me a chance at a regular life, unrestricted by deformity, no longer despised for my differences. When I started using the serum I felt free! But I soon realized my calculations had been incomplete and that the serum was both addictive and caused cellular regression if it wasn’t injected every few hours. My body is now completely dependent on it to function. I could care less about what happens to me! But I won’t let anyone else suffer for my hubris, so I endeavored to destroy all my research! And I forged the medical records so no would go looking for a way to recreate it.”

I stared at Nick; my fingers brushing away stray tears from his cheeks with soft movements. His expression was fragile and I wouldn’t risk scaring him into retreating any further into himself the slightest whisper came in my tone, laden with warmth as I came upon an idea. “I guess this answers the other question I was going to ask about why you stole my dissertation on Medical Applications of Magic and Technology from my waste basket. You were trying to fix yourself weren’t you?” I manifested the paper that I’d taken with me in an orb of magenta energy and presented it to Nick, his startled expression giving away his thoughts. “What the, (Sigh) yes, I err stole it (cough) but I couldn’t begin to make heads or tails of the concepts. Pretty stupid hmm?”

I shook my head sadly “Yeah, you could have just asked for my help.” Nick’s face fell, and eyes wandered across his shoes, tilting his face up to mine, I gave him an enormous smile which reached my eyes and revealed my pearly fangs. “You were scared I get that, so consider it forgiven and forgotten! I’ll help you, just like you’re helping me but in return I want to know exactly how you view yourself. It may help in coming up with a treatment, and as a bonus I’ll get to know you even better!” My friend’s face was, how to describe it nicely, dumbstruck. “You’d do that, help me after all this?” “Of course! That’s what best friends are for! Now open the rest of your mind to me. Let me see through your eyes, feel through your soul. Let me know you.” A singular nod from this sweet alien in my arms was all it took and I felt myself being led by a comforting hand deeper into his thoughts.

The landscape and Nick vanished, and I found myself alone in a glowing metal hallway. I noticed immediately that my wings, tail, and other parts were missing, with a few extra parts in other places. I was seeing and feeling everything from Nick’s viewpoint just as I’d asked. My movement was slow and my chest hurt; a left hand that simultaneously was and wasn’t mine, moved to the chest. '''THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD…THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD. '''My hearts were beating faster than normal, and my legs hurt.

I trudged off down the hallway until I made it to a restroom, slipping inside I closed and locked the door behind myself. Luckily there was no one about, and I ran the tap on the sink to drown out the noise of what was to come. The pain had gotten steadily worse, and my lips curled into a snarl as I watched the mirror reflect the deterioration of my form as my disorder clawed its way to the surface. Nick’s face was now my own and grimaced back at me from the mirror. Taken over by sickness and fatigue my body began to cannibalize itself. The bones in my ribcage began to snap and break, pressing into my flesh and reverting to an emaciated frame. My right arm lost its dexterity becoming a twisted spindly husk, with stiffened curled fingers. Likewise my left arm had wasted away to a bony, attenuated extremity capable of only the slowest movements. Each of my legs themselves prey to my affliction waned in their ability to hold me aloft as atrophy glutted itself upon the sinews and muscles. I felt my knees creak and bend under the strain, to which they could not rally a defense and they gave way to the inevitable with an agonizing '''CRACK! '''My body tumbled to the cold tile of the bathroom floor and I lay there sprawled on the hard surface for what felt like ages. “…Ow…” I rolled over onto my side the air escaping my lips with a grunt of pain as I did so. I was tired, in body and spirit, it hurt to move, to even breathe. I wanted to stay where I was at least for a time. It was cool on the floor, numbing the ache in my bones.

As much as I wanted to rest I could not, I had a job to do. Hissing through my teeth in exertion I gripped the edge of the sink mantle and hoisted myself back into a semi stable standing position. I offset my now worthless legs by leaning on the counter for support and grimaced at what was reflected in the mirror. A cadaverous, tired face with sunken glassy eyes stared back at me and my normally dark onyx hair had become raggedy and muted. The rest of my body in a similar fashion was gaunt, with all manner of protruding bones and pallid flesh. My once overly snug, restrictive uniform now sagged about my shoulders akin to a burial shroud. I hated the tired visage that sneered back at me; I loathed my ungainly frail form unremedied by birth, but most of all I detested the barrier of fear my disability engendered in others. That was why the serum was necessary, that was why I had created it all those ages before! Yet even for all its complexity and fail safes it had begun to lose its effectiveness in treating my condition! It was taking more frequent doses at higher potency to achieve the same results! What amounts had lasted days in the past, now offered only hours.

“Why? Why this? Why did I draw this lot in life? How come I had to be the broken puppet?! Why did I get to clean up these messes?! Couldn’t I just be normal?!” I chuckled slightly but there was mirth in my voice’s timbre. “I used to think you had a plan that you cared, I even thought this…” I gestured at my broken, sullied body as I glared back into my reflection “…I thought there was a strength in this! That I was made this way to see what no one else could or would, to help those that everyone else had left alone. Hmm, childish idealism, one of your finer, more ensnaring poisons. Then, The War came, you added more and more, you just wouldn’t quit! But I held out hope when no one else did! See how long it takes to break us huh? But that wasn’t enough oh no, millions dead, thousands displaced, my friends and family…gone. Marcus, Carson, Janet, Alistair, even my Ana.” My head fell into my hands on instinct as the memories flooded through my mind, so long ago and it still hurt as if had been mere moments. “I hear you’re even revered in this world too, your lecherous self, laid bare at last! It wasn’t bad enough that you ran amok in my Universe you set yourself up here and the cycle of bloodshed begins anew. You even got yourself a snazzy new title ‘chief god’ this time very well done indeed! Not just ‘god’ but chief, really shooting for the rafters there aren’t we you sanctimonious bitch?!” I looked back at the mirror, noting my broken beaten body a totem of ‘her work’ and the chilly silence that pervaded the air. “Say something!” A snarl of rage twisted my already sickened face and I threw my left hand outward, fingers outstretched. Golden lightning zipped from my hand smashing the mirror into thousands of shards and arcing across the overhead lights causing sparks to flare. Anger took me in full and I let the lightning go where it would, smashing and splintering the doors on the stalls, ripping the tiles from the floor, shearing the mantle of the sink in half, and leaving scorched craters in the brickwork of the walls. “Damn you! …damn you.”

A white flash of light obscured my vision momentarily and I found myself disoriented by the sudden return to reality. The library spun about me as my vision blurred and I stumbled to the side, only to be caught by an outstretched arm. “Easy now, come take a seat and get your bearings for a moment.” I let myself be led back to the espresso colored leather chairs and I slipped into one, as exhaustion beset my mind. “Oh my head!” I rubbed at my temples to alleviate the dull ache as I shuddered from a twinge of nausea. “My apologies Vels I think I gave you a tad too much of my memories, in too short a time span. An unfortunate side effect of our mental link.” I waved of Nick’s apology gently. “You’re sweet, but don’t worry, I’ll be fine. I just haven’t practiced with my telepathy in a long time.” A murmur of angst slipped from my friend. “Hmm, well I think I will worry nonetheless, makes me feel better.”  My eyes wandered the room as they readjusted to the light but as they fell over the concerned face looking back at me. “I’m Ok Nick, I promise. Right now I’m more worried about you. All that stuff in your head…that’s really how you see yourself, it hurts to think about.” Nick shrugged. “Yes well know the ilk I was told as a child shouldn’t matter, but it does. It’s part of me, and I can’t shake these feeling of inadequacy and nothingness no matter how hard I try to believe the logical part of my mind. Self-loathing is like evil it’s pernicious and virulent.”

Pushing off from the chair I took Nick’s hands in my own. “Then believe me, you are better than what those people made you out to be, and I’ll be here to remind you whenever you need. Plus I have a few wonderful ideas for how to help you end your reliance on that disgusting drug of yours and improve your mobility!” This got a light chuckle out of Nick who grinned happily. “Hmm well your dulcet tones and unwavering optimism have me convinced Vels. I appreciate any help you could offer me, my friend.” I returned Nick’s grin, but raised my finger in thought. “Then we have a plan, you help me get control of my anger and an understanding with my other personality. And I’ll help you to see more than just your disability, and to find a way for you to move freely. But there will be no more secrets between either of us Ok?” Nick gave a quick nod and resumed smiling brightly. “I think I can manage that, no more secrets. You have my word as your friend.”  Taking Nick hand in mine I shook it lightly. “That settles it then it’s a deal!”

I hugged Nick but pulled back quickly as Emma materialized into view, but a nod from her kept me from moving and she quickly took both of us in a hug. “…Mm well I hope you two kids are better off after your chat. Yes?” I nodded happily “Yes I think we are.” “Glad to hear it, you two were in here for a good thirty minutes, though not to worry only a few minutes have passed outside my Trans-Temporal walls.” I giggled in relief. “If I’d missed that much time it would be bad, especially since we’re in the middle of a warzone.” Emma gave me a puzzled look. “Warzone? Oh you mean Rathengalia yes, well actually you and Nick took out most of the more overzealous soldiers by yourselves. The rest of them surrendered as soon as you teleported in the troops from your pocket dimension. That reminds me your mother is here, she wants to talk to you.”

Time Jump: 5 Minutes.

 Nick’s Perspective