Talk:March Hare/@comment-28935784-20160302172148

I went to a forest with a good friend, armed to the teeth.

We were looking for acorns and chestnuts, and we didn't want those bad, bad monsters to steal our catches.

My friend was squatting under an oak tree, throwing acorns into the basket we brought, when a march hare leapt out from the bushes with dual Demon Silver knives in her hands. She held them to his throat and licked her lips.

&lsquo;Stay still, pretty boy&rsquo;, she whispered. &lsquo;Momma is gonna show you suuuuuuch a good time.&rsquo;

I went into &lsquo;defend friend mode&rsquo; and whipped out my dual pistols, each with eighteen rounds of Demon Silver bullets. I put on my best gangster expression, and dropping my voice to a deep, sinister baritone, I said, &lsquo;Drop them. Now.&rsquo;

The march hare ripped her shorts off and tore my friends jeans open. She began screwing him into the ground with everything she'd got.

*facepalm*

I turned around, wondering how to KO that little sucker, when I noticed another march hare bending over my rucksack. She was running the coins inside it through her fingers and pressing all the buttons on our GPS. Clearly, she had no idea what our equipment (*ahem*) was and how to use it.

&lsquo;What's all this junk?&rsquo; she said, turning to me. &lsquo;Do humans carry this kinda stuff around with them all the time?&rsquo;

Gritting my teeth, I strode over to her and jabbed a finger at my bag. &lsquo;Well, they're a kind of technology primitive monsters don't understand, and this is MY junk. Could you please let it be?&rsquo;

The march hare stared at me with hearts in her eyes. &lsquo;But if I left your junk alone, cutie, wouldn't it leave you with blue balls?&rsquo;

&lsquo;... What?&rsquo;

The second march hare shredded my trousers too and began sucking my cock like a Popsicle, mumbling &lsquo;I love the taste of this junk, you naughty boy.&rsquo;

Damn march hares. You just can't say anything safe around them.