Thread:AngryLance/@comment-37028137-20200128044919/@comment-37028137-20200211025446

Greetings Lance,

I read the first part of your Character Biography ‘The Unfortunate Survivor’ as well as the ‘General Statistics’ page.

If I may start with the Character Biography and what I appreciated first. I enjoyed the overall story; you really manage to lay out your character’s motivations in a clear and concise manner. I found the premise to be exciting and you kept me engaged throughout my perusal, so top marks for that. The style was descriptive and painted a vivid picture. Your prose was neat and tidy overall and as a reader I was able to follow along easily. (In your case I did not count errors in spelling or punctuation seeing as English is not your first language.) The character’s interactions, and by result, reactions to certain situations were believable and understandable. (This is a basic concept I find many folks tend to struggle with. If the characters do not act as people would within a given scenario they become flaccid and lack relatability.) You my good fellow managed to fashion a believable character on what I assume is your first go? In any case well done, most folks miss that spark so to speak.

Now onto the aggravating part, otherwise known as the critiques. You use two ‘crutches’ of method writing at the very start of your narrative. The first, is narration I cannot stand narration in almost any form of writing, I loathe it fervently. Narration is almost as if you are spoon feeding the reader as though they are an infant. You (the writer) set up a scenario and then lead the reader through your world by the hand, and they are on a fairly strict path which never twists or turns. The second is an overly weighty amount of expository dialogue.

As an example say for instance: I am Protagonist H, I live on Planet X, I have these powers, here is a handy dandy list of my weaknesses as well, that scary guy over there is evil, (you can tell by the ‘I am evil’ sign around his neck.) and this is my goal. Boring is it not? Admittedly I tried to make the example as boring as possible but still.

Those really are my only two critiques as I said I will not hold your missteps with the English language against you seeing as it is not your first language. English is a pain to learn even for a native bilingual speaker such as myself.

I will look over the other parts when I have the time. I have been unusually busy with work this past week so I hope it slows down this week.

Cheers,

The Weary TimeLord.