Board Thread:What Would You Do?/@comment-46471376-20200915150437/@comment-43782881-20200918001641

"A dragon, a Jabberwock and a Dragon Zombie all try to make you theirs. What would you do?" The little girl's words echo in my head.

"I really can't stay and talk, kiddo. I have to get out of here. I'm late for a...grass growing session". I try to turn away from the girl but she grabs my arm.

"No, you have to answer! Come on, just think about it."

"Oh alright. 5 minutes ok?" I ponder. Here in Wonderland, the jabberwock is one of the few monsters I'd actually like to encounter. But I'm not opposed to the dragon, and maybe even more interested in her undead counterpart. "Wait a second. A dragon zombie only comes into being from a dragon who's deceased with regrets. What are the odds a dragon and a dragon zombie are both after me?" She grins."Unless! The dragon and the dragon zombie are one and the same! She is neither alive nor dead until the point of observation. Like the classic philosophical experiment, Shroedinger's Dragon!"

"Which means?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh...There is no dragon or dragon zombie!" I announce triumphantly. "So I guess I should only have to worry about a jabberwock".

"That's correct. And here she is now!" Something crashes into the ground behind me. I turn around and there's a jabberwock in the flesh. The mouths reach out to me.

"Thanks Allison" The jabberwock says confidently. "I just had to have this man for myself and needed a little help keeping him distracted. So honey,"

"You'll have to do better than that!" I spring back and pull out, far too big to fit in my pocket. "Dragon-Be-Gone spray! Never leave home without it!"

"What could a spray can do that would scare me-ACKPPHHTTT" The jabberwock coughs and chokes on the foul smelling gas. One of her mouths tries to snatch it but I give it a mouthful and it rears back. The dragon can't stand it any longer. "Uh! That smells awful. I'm leaving. You'll be sorry you didn't accept the advances of such a nice lady like myself!" I turn to the small child cowering behind me.

"Please don't spray me. I'm sorry for tricking you". I kneel down and pat her head.

"Run along kid. And next time, pick your battles more carefully." She flees. I decide to start walking. Anywhere. The thing about that spray is that it's more like an anti-anybody spray. I'm surrounded in a cloud of fart gas, so I should be safe for a while.

---

Trying to push through the forest as it gets dark, I realize- "Wait, didn't the product info say it wouldn't be effective on just any monster? Yeah, bubble slimes won't care. I guess a dragon zombie wouldn't mind much. Aaaaaaand some artificial and undead monster species too. Is that it?" Suddenly a pungent odor assaults my nostrils, but it's the sweetest thing I've smelled all day. Are there alraunes in Wonderland?

"Ho, traveler! Are you lost?" I look ahead and there's a big caterpillar lady sitting in a clearing. I've never seen such a creature! She's so squishy I just want to-

"OH WORM?" Brilliant line there, isn't it? It's mine and you can't use it. The lady is highly amused.

"Yes dear, I am a wonderworm, and I was just yearning for some company tonight. Would you care to join me?" "I don't really smoke but you're smoking hot!" I'm killing it here. She giggles. I step forward and start to poke and prod at her arms, her chest, and her long body. She wraps it around me and MMMMFFF. A smooch on the lips! I'm breathing in that sweet smoke and feeling very good.

"I'm glad to meet such an enthusiastic partner".