User blog:Party Vanderbilt/Party's What Do Wonders - Gyoubu Danuki Edition

Archived from the Gyoubu Danuki page, originally in response to a "What Do You Do" scenario posted by Flodoomable, presented here in mostly unedited form:

"You lend some gold from a nice woman you met on your travels because you want to begin a shop selling uncommon items found all over the world when one day out of the blue she comes to you asking for the gold and extra's for lending the gold in the first place. You have yet to earn that much gold.

What do you do?"

"Eheh... See... I haven't really made that much yet. I mean, I'm working my butt off, but I just haven't had enough time..." I can see right away that she's not buying it. She just stares at me for a moment with those big, strangly...yellow eyes of hers. Wait, why are her eyes yellow?

Anyway, she just stares for a moment. Then she starts walking around me and looking me up and down with a slowly growing grin. I can only assume that she's pleased with what she sees, and normally I'd love to have a woman checking me out like that but...there's just something about the way she's doing it that's making me uncomfortable.

I fidget a little and clear my throat, and she looks up at my face. She leans reeeeeeal close, squints her eyes a little, grins ever so unsettlingly and puts her nose right up against mine, before tapping me on the chest as she says, "You do realize that the contract stated the loan was collectible at the issuers discretion? Right?"

All I can respond with, as I start to back up a little is a squeaky, "...Y...you don't say?"

"Oh, I do say. I also say that I'm collecting today," she states bluntly, as she strokes her chin connivingly, "either in cold, hard cash or something a little...hmmhmmhmm... warmer."

I'm still trying to back away, but I happen to trip over an old oil lamp from the desert regions that I'd picked up somewhere along the way. My butt crashes to the ground with a soft "thump," and I close my eyes in a wince for just a second.

When I open them again, my lender is still there, except she's...different. She's got big, fluffy, brown ears and a big, fluffy brown tail with darker rings of fur going around it. I gulp, and she just leans down reeeeeal close to my face.

I cringe and close my eyes, expecting this strange monster to take the value of the money out of my hide. If only I knew how right and wrong I was. You see, she just kisses me on the nose.

But then she follows it up with a few half-giggled words.

"I never expected to get a husband quite so cheaply."