User blog:K'eth, Undercover Agent/"It's a skit, what did you expect?"

WARNING: THIS BLOG CONTAINS NOT MINE CHARACTERS DOING THINGS THAT THEY POSSIBLY MIGHT NOT DO BEAUSE OF THEIR PERSONALITY THAT I HAVE YET TO LOOK UP IN THE 500 DIFFERENT RP FOURMS ABOUT THEM FOR HUMOR-RELATED PURPOSES...If you think that's gonna trigger you...probably not gonna want to read this one.

Okay long story short, K'eth, Aro, Jeiel, and Reptile go to Bloxwich to play a gamemode of Homicde in a recreation of Hogwarts...these are the events that trainspire...

May god have mercy on all of our souls.

K'eth: "Hey guys I know your all really excited to check out the scene for the new Star-Trek movie: Jar-Jar Gets a Fucking Stick. But uhhh we can't actually go in yet because were still waiting for King to connect to the goddamn map. SO! In the meantime I actually set up something, even better."

'Proceeds to get a box out of the hidden areas in the front entrance.'

K'eth: "Were gonna fucking check out this magic cardboard box I found in the back."

'Jeiel takes it which starts to hold out a few feet in front of him due to 'limitations'

Aro: "I think it's just a regular box..."

K'eth: "It's literally levatating"

Aro: "It's just a regular bo-"

K'eth: "Aro, shut your whore mouth"

Aro: "It has UPS on the side and a shipping labe-"

K'eth pulls out a knife, revealing himself as the murderer and stabs Aro in the side

Aro: "OW!"

K'eth: "YOU WANNA SAY THAT AGAIN?! IT'S MAGIC!"

Aro: "OW! UGH! IT'S A MAGIC BOX!"

K'eth proceeds to stab the box which causes it to spit out a body armor and then Jeiel decides to put it on.

K'eth: "SEE!? IT JUST SPIT OUT A BLACK CONDOM THING! And now Jeiel is wearing it, Jeiel has magic armor."

K'eth then pulls out a silenced pistol and shoots Jeiel straight in the head, killing instantly.

K'eth: "AND NOW I SHOT HIM WITH MY MAGIC BULLETS...I'm a wizard"

Aro then pulls out a combat shotgun

Aro: "Oh, I have one of those too..."

K'eth pales and runs to one of the corners of the fron entrance, dragging Jeiel's body with him.

K'eth: Aro, you come any closer to me and I'm going to magically extract Jeiel's magic organs and sell them on the fucking magic black market."

Aro: "You Houdini!"

Jeiel: "Leave my head alone!" (Dead people are spectators and can still speak.)

K'eth: "I'll fucking do it don't test me Aro! I'm fucking crazy man!"

Aro starts walking up to K'eth, shotgun in hand

Aro: "I don't believe you."

K'eth: 'Whilest stabbing repeatedly at Jeiel's corpse.' "I fucking got the magic sickness man, COME AT M-"

K'eth explodes into gore as Aro blasts him apart with the shotgun.

Aro: "OH MY GOD!"

K'eth: "And as you can see when he shot me I exploded into magic confetti everywhere...Bu-but in actuality I gruesomely died after trying to harvest a friend of mine's organs after showing them both a UPS box I found in the back of a fucking alley- Is this fucked up yet?"

Okay that whole charade is done, King connects to the server and another game starts. With Jeiel presenting as the tour guide for Hogwarts...with a baseball cap on the side.

K'eth: "Soooo, Jeiel your the tour guide? We're having for Hogwarts today, yeah?"

Jeiel: "Yes..."

K'eth: "Okay you wanna explan to me when Hogwarts decided to change from the uniforms from nice robes to straight-up-gangster-thug-yo? Because I don't kno-"

Jeiel: "Hogwarts...demands respect and also.."

King, getting bored sneaks past the two talking, which K'eth notices.

K'eth: "Also somebody's breaking into your school right now."

King grabs onto a loose piece of wooden paneling on the ground and starts pulling away.

K'eth: "Wait...what the fuck is that?"

Jeiel: "This is the paneling."

K'eth: "Are you fucking kidding me?! The paneling?!"

Jeiel: "Leave it!"

K'eth: "Are you telling me this fucking reptile broke into the school- this half built school to steal the paneling?!"

Jeiel: "It's finished! Alright?! Just let me put the paneling back" 'weakly grabbing onto the paneling and trying to pull it back, to no avail.'

K'eth: "There are people breaking into this place to steal wooden planks...This school fucking sucks."

Jeiel: "This school's great!"

After a while of walking aimlessly around the halls

K'eth: "This is the only place I could get a scholarship too..."

Jeiel opens up to one of the bathrooms of the place.

Jeiel: "Look, welcome to my crib Hogwarts. This is the Chamber of Secrets."

Reptile: "If your advertising it as the Chamber of Secrets it's not a fucking secret."

K'eth: "So your telling me the first place you decide to take us too in this magic wonderland...Was...the bathrooms? Jeiel you need to pull your shit together."

Jeiel: "You wanna see Dumbledore?"

K'eth: "What?"

Jeiel: "I'll fucking show you Dumbledore."

Soon after that K'eth is just left with man with long grey hair and beart that strangely looks like a certain reptile.

K'eth: "I honestly have no idea what this blog has become. I'm just following some dud- some homeless dude named fucking 'Dumbledore' with a shotgun. That's all this blog is now! Can we stop? 'Dumbledore sits himself on one of the benches in the outside courtyard' "Dumbledore? Buddy? We need to take you back to the old person home it's not saf-'

'Dumbledore' punches K'eth straight in the face.

K'eth: "...What? Why did you just deck me in the face?

'Dumbledore': "Dumbledore..."

The two walk quietly to the greenhouse section of Hogwarts.

'Dumbledore': "If you can be excited...I can be excited..."

K'eth: "Dude...Dumbledore was up there with goddamn Aristotle...holy shit."

Little while later.

K'eth: "Alright Dumble buddy 'pours sleeping poison on his knife.' Were just going to give you this here 'happy' juice and your gonna go bac-"

'Dumbledore' vomits lava onto the ground and proceeds to hiss angrily at K'eth before walking away.

K'eth: "...Dumbledore just hissed at me and vomited all over the ground...I don't think...I don't think I can do this anymore."

K'eth sighs and walks to the back of the grasshouse...only to find a heavy-duty bow in the bushes.

K'eth: "Yeah...I just found a heavy-duty recurve bow in the bushes behind the bontany section of Hogwarts...I uhhh...I think were just going to call it qui- DUMBLEDORE!?"

'Dumbledore comes up out of sidelines with his shotgun blasting K'eth in the chest but...not doing any real damage. To which K'eth fires the bow straight at him...which also doesn't kill him either.

K'eth: "WHAT THE FUCK THAT GUN'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LOADED AND HOW ARE YOU STILL ALI-"

'Dumbledore fires again, turning K'eth into a fine red mist.'

Jeiel: "Look, if you challenge Dumbledore to a one-on-one your gonna lose."

'Dumbledore': "If you can be excited...I can be excited.

Aro & K'eth: 'Whilest laughing' "What the fuck does that even mean!?"

Another round starts.'

Jeiel: "Welcome toda- I've lost count of Hogwarts."

K'eth: "You honestly think I'm gonna let your sorry ass be the tour guide ever again?! After the Dumbledore thing? Are you fucking serious!?"

Jeiel: "Wha-"

Aro pulls out a sniper rifle and blasts Jeiel in the head, exploding it right off his head.

K'eth "Tch~"

'New round.'

K'eth: "Alright, Reptile, new tour guide. Do NOT fuck this up please."

Reptile: "Ay boys Hogwarts unite!"

Jeiel: 'At Aro who due to randomly generated clothes each round had a jean vest and a Fedora.' "Look at this guy's fedora."

Reptile: "Hahahah, what the fuck bro?"

Aro: "I'm ready for school!"

Reptile: "I get it Aro, but jean vest and fedora?"

Jeiel and K'eth both are laughing in the back.

Aro: "Yep I-"

Reptile: "Where the fuck do you come from?

K'eth: "I- is this the sort of demograph your letting into this school? Because I don't know if I can let my child-"

Reptile: "Listen, we will let him in, we take his money.-"

Aro: "I just wanna point out that I am going to get all the rewards for wearing a fedora, this guy has a high po-"

K'eth proceeds to deck Aro in the face.

K'eth: "You wanna shut your whore mouth a little bit more? You goddamn hipster piece of trash? If my child comes to this school and sees this in a year and sees this excrement pasted all over the walls, whos gonna be a fan of Digimon or some shit?"

While later with all four staring at a painting of rainbow dickbutt.

Reptile: "Why don't we look at this picture?"

K'eth: "This is the first place you brought us?"

Aro: "Huh...early dickbutt."

K'eth: "You brought us to a portaint of dickbutt..."

Reptile walks past the painting, it turning into a sexy reptile girl with quite sizable breasts.

Reptile: "We like to put MILFs on the walls."

K'eth: "Ughhhhh."

Later, with all four now walking onto a unsteady wooden bridge to the other side of Hogwarts.

K'eth: "Excuse me tour guide? Can you explain to me some of the rationale saftey behind the death bridge here?"

Reptile: "No."

K'eth: "Did you ju- did you just say no?...Sir?"

'Little while later.'

K'eth: "Can you actually show us some of the fucking sch-"

Reptile: "Oh! Hey! Alright! What the fuck bro?!"

K'eth: "What the fuck's wrong with you!? What sort of tour is this?! All you've done is show us some fucking paintings! AND YOUR TAKING US OUTSIDE AGAIN!"

Reptile: "Here's out courtyard for the giant fucking parties we have...at Hogwarts."

K'eth: "Hey uhhh...homeless Dumbledore already showed me this whole area. You think you can go back inside and check out some of the educational structure of this school o-"

Reptile: "No."

K'eth: "I wanna fucking die."

K'eth: 'After calming down some.' "Have you ever actually taken some of the classes here or?"

Reptile: "Yeah..."

K'eth: "Lik-like what?"

Reptile: "Like magic bro, what else?"

Aro & K'eth: 'Laughing hyserically.'

K'eth: "I want...I want drunken Dumbledore back...I'm so fucking done with this shit."

Jeiel: 'Musing' "This place is massive."

K'eth then notes that on the lower left of his vision are the words 'The national guard have arrived!'

K'eth: "The national guard has arrived..."

Reptile: "Oh fuck, oh fuck were getting swatted!"

K'eth: "This school is getting raided by the military! What the fuck have you been talking about for the last two hours!?"

Reptile: "Ohhh no."

K'eth: "So do we just go talk to them o-"

One of the national guard with a shotgun notices Reptile and shoots him, turning him into gore...and the round ends, because he was the murderer.

K'eth: "Yeah were getting another tour guide. Can somebody please do it and I don't know? GO TO A FUCKING ROOM!?"

'New round starts.'

Aro: "My name is...Scruffy, I'm definitely not the janitor. Ummm"

K'eth: "Oh my fucking god..."

Aro: "Twenty dollars each for a tour..."

K'eth: "Scruffy I'm gonna stop you right there. If you take us to a single classroom in this entire tour, you've already done a better job then anyone else in this entire blog. That's all I'm gonna say...Also there's a ghost floating by right there. Just walk up righ-"

Aro: "Okay, twenty dolla-"

Jeiel punches Aro in the chest, causing a wooden plank to appear right next to him.

K'eth: "Whoa! Whoa, whoa."

Jeiel & K'eth: "Scruffy's magic!"

K'eth: "He's magic, when you punch him wooden paneling appears!"

Aro: "Uhhhh yeah I'm totally magic. I can do magic stuff...Like-"

Reptile: "Skateboard!" 'Using the glitchy physics to slide across the ground with the wooden paneling.

Aro: "Like, watch this guy disappear." 'Pulls out a shotgun and blasts Jeiel in the face turning him into red mist.

Aro: "Magic!...Alright let's go see Dumbledere."

K'eth: "Yeaaah, let's go see Dumbledere! Yeah, yeeeeah skateboaaaard! Lets go see dumbedore!"

Back at the 'death bridge.'

Aro: "So uhhh, what are you kids doing here at Hogwarts? Whatcha guys wanna be in Hogwarts for?"

K'eth: "We're here...To. See. The. Fucking School. TAKE US INTO THE GODDAMN CLASSROOM RIGHT THERE!"

Aro: 'Still going out to the courtyard' "Oh...okay."

K'eth: "WHERE THE FUCK- no you are not taking us outside again...you ar-..."

Aro: "That's...that's really sad."

K'eth: "Oh my fucking god...Dude come on let's not all of the people looking at this blog be disappointed. We gotta show them atleast one classroom, comeon you can do it. Show us one thing in this fucking school please."

There is a long pause.

Aro: "You kids want some drugs?"

K'eth: "Fuck this place, fuck you guys, I'm done."

K'eth proceeds to erase himself from existence, with all the others laughing hysterically.

'New round'

K'eth: "Alright, let me show you a REAL tour."

Aro & Reptile: "Fine, fine..."

K'eth: "Alright! So uhhhh, give me your names. Give me uhhh, why, why do you, why are you all here?"

Jeiel: "My name is Jimbo!"

Reptile snickers.

K'eth: "Dude...what the hell are you doing here right now? I thought I told you fucking tenant farmers down the street to stop coming here!"

Jeiel: "Yees."

K'eth: "Do you even know how to say anything other then yes? Have you even gone to school Before?!"

Jeiel: "Jimmmmbo..."

K'eth: "Just get the fuck outta here, just get out..."

Jeiel pouts and stalks away from the three.

K'eth: "Alright, time to show you a real tour of this fucking place. Yeah I've been going here for atleast 2 days now, I pretty much got the area nailed thoug- hang on"

K'eth glares at the opening, which Jeiel can be seen again, he stalks back out with K'eth glaring at him.

K'eth: "Fucking Jimbo..."

In the same area around the bathroom, with all four present.

K'eth: "Alright guys, I don't want to overwhelm you with options. But we're literally in the wizard captial of the fucking world right now. You guys wanna go see black magic? Wanna get some lunch at the wizardin-"

Aro: "Gotta take a shit." 'barges into the bathroom.'

K'eth: "What?...No."

'Little later, all in the bathroom now.'

K'eth: "It's come to my realization that we're never going to actually see any part of this fucking map. Because none of you guys will cooperate with me. So let's play a little game! It's called the Chamber of Secrets super secret chamber game. Where Aro tells us one of his deepest darkest secrets in this fucking booth and if he's lying we baptize him in fire."

Reptile: "Get in there Aro." 'Holding a molotov.'

K'eth: "Alright! So uhhh, Aro go ahead, no pressure. Tell. Us. A. Fucking. Secret."

Aro: "Ummm, I love pancakes...on my face."

Reptile throws the molotov, causing the entire room to explode in to fire.

K'eth: "MAGIC!"

Aro & Reptile: "AHHHHHHHH!

'New round starts, but K'eth has all of the weapons from the sandbox area, which he should no have. Including the physics gun which he uses to pull off the sinks of the 'Chamber of Secrets' into a giant hole.'

K'eth:  "WERE GONNA FUCKING MAGIC WEATHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT! INTO THE FUCKING HOLE! GET IN THE HOLE!"

Reptile & Jeiel: "Oh shhhit!" 'Both are flung into the hole along with Aro and K'eth'

Aro: "Oh maaaai god!"

K'eth: "WOOOOO! MAGIC TIME ALRIGH-"

Aro: "Our friend's dead!" 'Cue Jeiel's corpse floating in the water that's where the hole leads too.'

K'eth: "Check it out Hogwar-"

Reptile: "Who di- Oh god..."

K'eth: "Holy shit...what the fuck happened?"

Reptile: "Are friend's dead holy fuck..."

K'eth: "Pull him out of the water!" 'Both do so.'

Aro: "Is this still a tour!?"

Reptile: "Give him CPR!"

K'eth: "This tour just went totally wrong!"

Aro: "He's bleeding out of his head! He doesn't need CPR"

K'eth: "Alright, alright, I'm a doctor, I'm a doctor I can help him." 'Pulling out a heavy duty crossbow.' "We're gonna have to shoot the water right outta his lungs...I can do this...I learned this in 'nam."

K'eth proceeds to shoot the crossbow bolt right through Jeiel's neck...Which causes him to explode into gore and viscrea. Covering all three pretty much in head to toe with...Jeiel...

K'eth: "I don't know about you guys, but I think he's...Yeah he's good to go."

Aro: 'With Reptile unable to speak...through crying or laughter I can't tell.' "We were just supposed to give him CPR!"

K'eth: "I just fucking saved his life...I saved his life."

Aro: "No! You were supposed to give him CPR!"

K'eth: "No, I removed his appendex what your supposed to do when someone fucking drowns."

Aro: "NO! NO! He had water in his lungs!"

K'eth pulls out a rocket launcher pointing it right at Aro. "I SAVED HIM!"

Aro runs away and quickly comes back with a first aid pack. "There was a med kit right here!"

K'eth: "Use it, go ahead, just walk up to him and save him. Oh wait, I already did! You can't"

Aro: "WHAT PART OF HIM?! TO USE IT ON!?"

Reptile: "911"

K'eth: "What? What the fuck"

Reptile: "911, I gotta report a emergency."

K'eth proceeds to snatch the phone out of Reptile's hand and crushes it.

K'eth: "Shut the fuck up, alright? We're going into that fucking Chamber of Secrets. SO THAT EVERYONE KNOWS THAT THIS MAP ISN'T JUST A PARK AND HALLWAYS! WALK!"

The door to the chamber opens up, allowing the three to enter.

K'eth: "Look at this fucking this. A new room in this map, who would ever think that we get here with out my touring expertise? DUMBLEDORE, FUCKING DUMBLEDORE!"

Jeiel: "We found him..."

K'eth: "Your welcome!"

Reptile: "Is this what you fucking wanted!?"

K'eth: "Yeaaaaah, no fucking parks or frat boys here you son of a bitch! I just did the one thing none of you amateurs could do! I fucking brought this tour to the next goddamn level! You might lose a feel lives...BUT ATLEAST I SHOWED US A FUCKING ROOM!!!"

There is a long pause.

Aro: "This tour just went so backwards!"

And the game quickly after that, with K'eth roaring out his frustrations in a corner with a blanket...there was lots of sobbing as well.