User blog comment:GoldenDiva/False Idol/@comment-1826623-20150914015441

...Ouch. Just reading the first paragraph made my writing instincts burn like being splashed with holy water. Yes, no typo there; I am borderline evil, after all. Enough about me though, this is about the chapter, yes? I won't lie to you (not that I ever do), but I'm glad you had the foresight to put that warning at the beginning so that readers wouldn't expect too much out of you. I'm sure you're aware of the more minor corrections to be made, so I'll discuss the bigger things: plot and characters.

Your plot is...unfortunately bland. I don't mind taking things a bit slow, but this was almost too slow. There's a lot of filler, but not enough action here. Though, as a redeeming factor, the scene after the flash-back was very well done. It brought me back into the mood of the story as well as kept me in curiosity. As a suggestion, I highly recommend looking up Chekhov's Gun. It'll make your work much simpler.

Going into characters now, I have more positive things to say than I did with the plot. I liked the way you brought more of the Egyptian roots into the Pharaoh and Anubis; however, it fell short. They didn't seem like very unique individuals to their species. Try to branch out and mix things up a bit. Aside from the town's hero sounding a tad over-powered, I've got no more issues here.

Overall, a good start for fanfiction writing. Keep going strong and I'm sure you'll eventually find your rhythm. If you would like my advice for anything at all, just ask!