Board Thread:What Would You Do?/@comment-34263048-20180824203541/@comment-35674737-20180829033510

"Git you fucking animal" I shout half groggy lazily swinging around a broom that smacked her cleanly in the head a few times.

"I'm not an animal!" The blood-sucking intruder cowered as the straw prickled her and left nothing more than being an annoyance. Only time she did lower her arms was when I paused. "See, I'm a gir—"

"Fuck you!"

THWACK

"Fine! I G-Hey! Stop it I get the idea! I'm going" She bolted across my room and lunged out of my window, the loud beating of her wings supporting her across the air. My work was done. I have vanquished the mighty beast!

Beads of sweat were going down my head. I narrowly avoided hyper-AIDS or whatever these fuckers have and pulled a fast one on getting turbo-raped. Life was good, it was still hot as fuck though.

Closing my window and dealing with the heat, I tried to sleep, and through a great amount of tossing and turning, deliberation, and sweat, I did it; I won. Fuck yeah!

the morning sun shined through, it was comforting, boiling fucking hot, and the sky was a beautiful shade of blue. I was happy—content would be a better word. I slid out of my bed, my jammies practically covered in enough sweat to give back life to the Sahara Desert, and as soon as I walked into the hallway... I heard it...

''Broom time mother fucker! ''

Oh fuck. The sight bestowed upon my eyes was of pure holy shitness. How the—how the fuck did... Oh, they smashed through my ''fucking window. ''Nothing like a good ol' swarm of Vamp-Mosquitos living it up in my house. Two were furiously masturbating, the juices having this weird coagulation as it 'pooled' up on my couch. ''Gross. ''Annnd, one was trying to cook, except her version of cooking was smashing a bunch of cereal together, some one-year old instant grits, and a fuck ton of all purpose flower. I didn't bother to ask what it might be.

Slamming the stick end of the broom on the granite counter, I bellowed with the power of a mildly irritated, slightly pudgy man! I prepared for war! "Who the fuck is in my kitchen!"

The question was a rhetorical one of course, but the shock on their faces. The ones furiously masturbating were caught off guard and nearly pissed themselves—one actually did, but I'll give an ass kicking for her a little bit later. My eyes scanned the room as they all looked at me, and I heard a toilet flush behind me.

Waltzing out with a newspaper under her arm, she dropped the roll of paper when she saw me. "So uh... You! You will be our personal fuck toy!" Her bravado was nonexistant, and her voice was meager.

"Orrrr. You can get the fuck out, or I will beat you the fuck out."

A wad of cum stained tissues bounced softly off the side of my head.

"I'll get you bitch."

Suddenly mastering the art of Broom-fu in less than an hour. I was pounced on by all the Vamp-mosquitos. But they were no match. The wide surface area acted as a paddle and they rocketed off around my room before they realized their attempts were fruitless.

"Retreat!" The newspaper mosquito cried. They all darted to the smashed window and escaped freely as they flew away into the sunrise. My morning was thoroughly destroyed and my day has been ruined.

Sitting on the recliner, my hand on my head. I saw the damage; flour everywhere, glass on the floor, the new MTV playing on my TV, cum and piss covered the seats of the couch. It was like a shitty frat party just occurred in my house. Fuck me right?