User blog:Nuka Kazan/A Fake Wolf: It Does A Body Good

Well...
That is really the only thing I can say in response to what had transpired earlier today.

In fact, I'm probably exacerbating the situation itself by carrying my little... ...memento with me.

I had no clue that should dairy cows be given the ability to speak, that they would speak in such a deliberate, and lewd, manner. Then again, these were no ordinary cows...

Five Hours Prior...
"The milk is from Monsters?!"

Now, a few days had passed since my rather troubling situation with the Lizardman, Emelyn. Although I evaded this relentless warrior and her constant offers of another battle--and marriage--, her sheer determination has filled me with a justified paranoia. I had to make sure that wherever I stopped, it would be safe for a Human. By the time of my last writing, I was en route to an Anti-Monster city, where I could find shelter and time to rest without worrying about waking up to Emelyn's face again.

Unfortunately, it seems that any stay in an Order-occupied or Anti-Monster city must be short-lived; there were many places in that town that had those wanted posters with my face on it. I felt like I were stuck--how does the saying go?--between a rock and a hard place, I believe. On one side, Emelyn had surely not given up on finding the one Human who defeated her. On the other side, the King's favorite "Hero", Nolte was ensuring that no Pro-Order location was a safe haven for me. If I'm not careful, either side could be the end of me, and my clan...

And so, while sneaking through the outskirts of the town, I overheard a potential place to rest. A farm where the milk was apparently of otherworldly quality. I haven't tasted this milk yet, but a farm seemed to be a relatively safe place for now. Especially one that people praise as much as the townspeople did.

This led me here. Now I understand why the milk was so good.

"Haha, why are you so surprised? Have you honestly never heard of that?"

The head farmer, Claudio, was showing me around the place, the Lucky Barrel. He had just returned from a walk right when he saw me make my way to the entrance. Apparently, not only are some Monsters actually friendly with Humans, some are actually somewhat domesticated. This farm, which was rather large, was teeming with these Holstaurs, all lazing about or slowly chewing at the grass they were lying in. I think some had actually fallen asleep while eating...

"Well, basically, Mr. Kazan, this farm is a genuine example of what happens when Monsters are raised in a friendly environment. Where Humans let them know that they're not only welcome, but treasured." Claudio was quite proud of this farm, which he inherited from his father, a man who, according to Claudio, was rather found of Holstaurs.

"I mean, hey, they c'n speak, they c'n think... ...kinda, they're people. Just like you n' me. Treat 'em like people, they'll behave like people. It's really that simple."

That's clearly not the case regarding the Monsters I've come across. And I highly doubt that domesticating Monsters is "really that simple", but I merely nodded and occasionally responded with an "Mm-hmm."

"Then again," Claudio continued, "there is one thing y'have to be careful of when it comes to these kinda Monsters."

"Is that so?" I asked. "And just what would that one thing be?"

"MOOOO~♥"

As if to answer my question before Claudio could, a Holstaur a sizeable distance away could be heard, mooing in a rather... ...dare I say, passionate manner. As I turn my head to the source of the noise, I suddenly realize why she cried out in that way: Her entire upper torso was bare, and her... ...well, rather ample breasts were being handled by another farmer. The male behind her was actually milking her and catching the milk in a large bucket in front of her. The Holstaur's face was flushed beet red, and her drooling mouth was spread into a smile so wide, it unsettled me.

Claudio found my reaction absolutely hilarious.

"Okay, I stand corrected. There are two things to be careful for. Y'see, Holstaurs usually only give milk when milked by the right guy; their preferred mate, if ya will. Normally, this leads to Holstaur farms to be on th'small side, but we've got quite the large place. So many ranch hands around here have caught the fancy o' many of the cattle here, it's like the farm has some kinda Fortune Goddess shinin' down on it. That, or we just got a damn good lucky break, haha~"

I see. Hence the name of the farm, Lucky Barrel.

"The second thing to watch out for, Mr. Kazan, is when you've married a Holstaur, y'gotta make sure you've satisfied her needs on a regular basis, if y'know what I mean..."

"You mean... ..."

"Yep. Givin' her some manly milk! Haha~"

That's one way to put it, I guess. Didn't find it funny, though. And neither did the Holstaur he was referring to...

As we made it to his house, we didn't even reach the door before I was introduced to his wife, who threw the door open at the sight of Claudio. Wearing nothing but a pair of worn, torn overalls, she loomed over Claudio and myself with very serious eyes darted towards her husband. She was a rather tall Holstaur, much taller than the ones out in the grass, and her long, silver hair fell just above her calves. Her shoulders and forearms were rather well built, and her tail was erratically whipping left and right.

"How long were you planning t'make me wait, Claudio?" she growled through her clenched teeth as she chewed on a foxtail.

"N-n-n-n-now, calm down, Tatum, I was gonna come straight back, I swear! But as you see, w-w-w-w-w-we have a guest--ACK!"

His words were cut short by his wife Tatum grabbing him by the throat and lifting him up off of his feet. She raised him up to her eye level, and gave him the most viciously lustful face I think I've ever seen. With her other hand, she pulled from her pocket a red handkerchief, much to Claudio's fright, as I could see in his eyes that things would not end well.

"I'm in no mood to hear yer excuses. It's been almost a week, dammit. You're gonna hafta churn a lotta butter to make me forgive you, it that clear~?" As she declared her husband's sentence, Tatum jammed the handkercheif in Claudio's mouth. After maintaining unblinking eye contact with it for a few seconds, she excitedly makes her way back into the house, carrying Claudio with her, and slams the door behind her.

... ...she suddenly opens it up again and cheerfully looks at me, with absolutely no trace of that fury she showed only moments ago:

"Terribly sorry you had to see that, deary. I'll come finish your tour as soon as we're done with our little discussion~♪"

She then slams the door shut again, leaving me alone to listen to the horrifyingly lewd sounds occuring inside. Apparetnly, Tatum could not wait to even reach their bedroom.

As this happening I secretly swore to myself that should I ever lose my way to a Monster, it must never be to a Holstaur.

---

After the rather odd introduction, to say the least, I was shown the rest of the farm. After explaining my situation, and why I came to the farm in the first place, I was offered shelter there, provided I helped with the farm work.

The work was easy, but the sun constantly beating down on us left me drained nonetheless. After three days, I thought I had best start moving to the next town, lest I risk Emelyn finding me again. Surprisingly, Claudio and Tatum seemed rather reluctant to see me leave, and had been hoping to hire me on a more permanent basis. Knowing that a Lizardman had been stalking me, they agreed that I may not have much of a choice, but wanted me to know that I'd always be welcome back. In return for my help, they paid me a rather generous sum of money, as well as a little parting gift of sorts...

"Y'know, I find it absolutely weird to hear that you never had a taste of Holstaur Milk, Nuka~" Tatum exclaims.

"There's a lot I didn't know about Holstaurs, to be fair... ..."

"Well, if'n ya don't mind, hun, I'd like you to at least have some good-quality milk before you go. And since you've got to be one of the strongest little ranch hands we've had here, I've got just the kind I want you to try..."

Tatum reaches behind a barrel and pulls out three glass bottle of milk. The label wrapped around each bottle had a cute little caricature of a smiling Holstaur on it and a letter "A" stamped in black ink.

"This here is grade A milk! Top quality! Take some o' this on the road with you, and you'll have stamina for days~!

But the milk I want you to try first, well... ...it's even higher quality than that. Just promise you won't tell Claudio I did this..."

Out of her overalls, Tatum then pulls out one more bottle, with a red "A" stamped on it instead of a black one. She uncorks it with a big, prideful grin on her face

"Now this here, hun, is milk straight from me~♪ Most humans run the risk of somethin' happening to 'em by drinking milk this good, but you, you're not like most Humans. I c'n smell it, you're made o' something strong~ I'm sure you're strong enough to handle a sip o' this no problem."

"H-hold on, what do you mean "Somthing happening"? Are you saying it's dangerou--GULGUGK?!" My question was drowned out, literally, by the milk I was suddenly being forced to chug. Tatum was very, very proud of her milk, and I guess she wasn't to be denied the opportunity to show it off to somebody other than her husband.

"Don't be shy, hun! Just take a sip~♪"

She said "sip", but poured the entire bottle's worth of milk down my throat. The effects were almost instantaneous after the last of it hit my stomach. It was as if every single fiber of my being had immediately been revitalized. I felt as though I had awoken from a week-long sleep, and energy was just overflowing out of me.

It was incredible.

"RAAAAAOOOOOOOOO!!!"

I couldn't help myself. My howl couldn't be restrained. I let out all this excess energy and let it echo throughout the farm land. I don't know how long I held that holw up, but it felt like forever. Tatum had the biggest, cockiest grin on her face after I finally stopped.

"Mah goodness! Now, if only Claudio reacted that way every time he drank from me~" she said with a laugh, her hands clapping for my indulging her in serving her own ego.

... ... ...

Then a rumbling started to replace the echo of my howl. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, so this rumble coud not have been thunder.

"... ...?"

Then the rumbling was accompanied by the barrels around us shaking.

"Oh, my... ... ...Nuka, I think you'd better run."

As Tatum gives me that warning, she points into the distance, and we see every single Hostaur who didn't have a husband running towards us. It was an honest-to-goodness stampede.

Taking Tatum's advice, I quickly grabbed the bottles she gave me and put them with my belongings, and after giving Tatum a bow and offering my regards to the bedridden Claudio--I'm sure you could guess why--I ran for one of the barns to hide. As I hid myself and prepared to sneak out, I could hear the Holstaurs yelling and asking questions to Tatum, who was laughing too hard to answer them.

"Who was that just now?! Was that the new guy?"

"Whoever that was, we need to see him! Now!"

"That was husband material, we just know it!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA~ Oh, this is priceless! You ladies just missed him~"

"You're lying! We can smell it! He's here somewhere!"

As I Now Write...
Well... ...

That's the best reaction I can give for this. I'm on the road again, and this time, not by carriage. No, I've been running for the past four hours. I've only stopped to write this.

It's amazing, this milk. I feel like I could run for days. Granted, I'm almost at the next town, so I won't have to. I only hope I don't run into Nolte or Emelyn like this. Actually, I take that back. I hope they do find me soon, for I doubt they could stop me like this. Speaking of, I don't know what Miss Tatum meant when she said I seemed stronger than most Humans, but it reminds me of something Emelyn said of the Black Fang. Miss Tatum said she could "smell it". I know we Black Fang have been known by the strong and the noble, but did we ever give off a "smell"?

I don't think anybody ever accused me of smelling like a wet dog or anything... ...I'm starting to wonder if more Monsters of this era of peace were told of the Black Fang. Perhaps if I come across another Monster who has already married, I can safely ask more about this. But that day, who knows when that will be?

I also, am starting to wonder if bringing this milk with me was a bad idea. If my drinking it caused the Holstaurs to stampede, what could happen around wild Monsters? Granted this isn't as high-quality as Miss Tatum's, but still... ...

Heh, it's good, though.

May the Spirit of the Wolf guide us always.

-Nu-Ka Ka-Zan