Board Thread:What Would You Do?/@comment-134.88.255.66-20190324174343/@comment-36855838-20190325044036

"Daughter, one day, all this will be yours."

I sweep my arm over the land outside my daughter's bedroom window.

"The sky, father?"

"No, not the sky, you nitwit, this place, the land!"

"We live in a swamp, father, I don't want this land!"

"That's why you're marrying this boy! His mother owns some of the finest land this side of the mountain range!"

"But I don't want land, father, I want love! I want a boy who has a certain. . .special-"

(A harp swells from somewhere in the manor)

"CUT THE MUSIC!"

I pull my daughter aside.

"Look, Hannah, enough. You're marrying the landowner's son, and that's final."

"But father-"

"You know daughter, they called me a madman, building a mansion in a swamp! But I did it all the same. . ."

She gives me an incredulous look, and I uncounsciously scratch the back of my head.

"Then it sank into the swamp, but I didn't give up! I built a second one right where the old one was! It burned down, fell over, THEN sank into the swamp."

She's off by her bed, scribbling something on another of her parchments.

"But the third one, that one stayed up! And that's what you'll inherit, the finest manor in all the continent!"

I grumble to myself as I leave the room, hoping the wedding will go well.

---

Minutes later, the manor is in an uproar, the guards all lie twitching on the floors, oozing a black gunk from gaping, prismatic wounds, a chorus of moans rising up over the castle.

Then I spot her, a woman single-handedly taking on my vast army of amassed werewolves.

Soon, she's fought her way into my daughter's-

"Augh!"

I sprint in, sword drawn, and. ..

Her blade has found it's mark, and my daughter lies oozing like the rest, twitching uncontrollably and moaning like a banshee in childbirth.

With a slow, wet schlop, the woman draws out the blade.

At last, she faces me, the crimson metal is clearly worming into the flesh of the knightess.

"Hello, are you the master of this manor?"

"Ah, yes, I am. Have you business with me?"

"Well, you see I got this note-"

She held up my daughter's parchment.

"I thought a young man was in distress, and zi came to- err-"

I laughed.

"Happens all the time, her handwriting is sloppy."

I wave the woman over.

"Tell me, how would you like to be adopted?"

---

Stupid monty python reference is stupid.