Thread:Scanimet/@comment-25270168-20140805224436

Hi

First off, I really like your story you've uploaded recently, for me it doesn't only look interesting, but it's well written as well. Nice balance between dialogues, descriptions of environment and action. Also I really like any stories where protagonist is a mage of sort so it strikes to me even more ;)

I'm no writer myself, but I 've read many stories already and have a bit of proofreading experience, I have a couple suggestions you may or may not find useful.

line 8:  "did not rose"   should be "did not rise", no past form after didn't

line 4 counting from the end you mispelled "beginning"

Also while hardly anyone cares, a perfectly correct title would be "A sorcerer's journey"

I haven't seen any more but it may be because of late hour, overall your English is really good, no worries here.

Everytime you write phrases like "I am" or "she is" you use full forms only. While it's by no means a mistake, it's kind of unnatural. English speaking (both natively and foreign) people nearly mostly use short forms when not speaking formally, "I'm", "she's", "they're", "I've" and so on. Try using both options, e. g. when the guy politely refuses Arachne's offer full form "I am" is perfectly fine and even more fitting. The same goes when she spoke first: "You are not running away, are you?". But when she says she's tired, it should sound more spontaneous, "I'm getting tired of this". The same for non-dialogue text. Mostly full forms are used just to point out something important, or make the sentence look more formal/serious for whatever reason. In normal, spontaneous talk short forms are usually used.

Also, you may want to consider putting dialogues in new lines, it makes the text look more clear. Like: this is normal, non-dialogue text.

"oh, really?" she said.

I hope you find my suggestions useful, though you should always write like you seem fit, it's your story after all :)

I'm really looking forward to next chapters, as well as your other possible creations.

My best wishes 