User blog comment:Samuel Cheshire/Samuel's Folly (Lamia)/@comment-216.58.48.26-20150910200920

I like it. Main character has interesting backstory, so much so that it almost eclipsed the whole monster girl aspect.

Your writing has a good tone and flows well. Be careful with your tenses, though; you switch between past and present tense several times in the middle of a scene, so it comes out a bit distracting.

Also watch out for what you put in parentheses. Sometimes they make the particular sentence they are in harder to follow.

e.g. '' Three, (this being the one that got me caught) I skipped out on hiring a fence to sell my loot. ''

You can take the sentence in the parenthesis and make it a whole new sentence after the original. It's an important detail, so there's no harm in diverting more attention to it.

Keep up the good work!