Board Thread:What Would You Do?/@comment-35363646-20180421055455/@comment-11882399-20180422192047

Before I start recollecting, let me tell you one thing about my parents: they have the finesse of a jackhammer and the diplomatic aptitude of a pack of hyenas. They're not bad people...just very unfiltered.

Fortunately, so is Athinai, aka Attie. Attie is a minotaur. I'll let you mull over that for a minute.

So, I open the door and in they barge, hands full of cases of food and beer (because I can't look after myself, obviously) and cleaning implements.

Mom raises an eyebrow critically. "The house is not a fucking pigsty. Are you doing drugs?" She asks before a rather large and voluptuous figure pops out of the kitchen with half a pizza in hand. "Hi there. You Dave's pals?" She asks nonchalantly. "I'm Attie. His old gal."

And then it happens. Dad starts laughing is ass off. Mom strides like a soldier devouring the space between her and my significant other and looks her over - dead serious.

"I'm Dave's mother. You saying you're his girlfriend?"

"Yep. Got a problem with that?"

Mom scoffs. "You could be a platypus and I wouldn't give a flying fuck. Answer just one question and do it straight: Do. You. Want. Kids?"

Attie smiles almost like a predator. It's toothy and...unsettling. "'Course I do. Pipsqueak is good enough to knock me up, I have to give him that."

Another snort. "Then what the fuck are you doing on that couch? GO MAKE ME SOME GRANDCHILDREN, KIDDO. Grab that boy of mine by the hair if you have to and ride him good. We'll make you lunch while we're here. Go!"

The last thing I hear before being dragged back into the bedroom is my dad laughing hysterically.