User blog:Flamebiplane/Nope Gadget Failure Report

You enter a room labeled "Technical Issues Board" and are met by a Gazer wearing a formal business suit and a pair of glasses. "Hello there," she says to you, her big eye looking up at you from her desk followed by her other eyes. "Are you here to report an issue with your Nope Gadget?"

Her eyes narrow and a smug grin forms on her face, "Or are you here because you want to learn about some interesting situations our customers were in when their gadgets malfunctioned?"

She floats over to a filing cabinet and opens the bottom drawer. After a few seconds of rummaging, she pulls out an orange folder and plops it onto her desk in front of you. The words on the folder read, "Accident Reports".

"In here is the most recent report, people whose gadgets malfunctioned at the worst possible moments, read it if you'd like, you may feel sorry for them, angry at them, laugh, or just read them to make yourself feel better. Me?  I tend to laugh at most of them, these incident reports are quite a read."

She opens the folder and inside are the names of the people and information on how their Nope Gadgets malfunctioned:

X. Treme: Attempted to use Nope Teleporter to impress his friends as he was running from a Wurm. Jumped off of a cliff and activated it, but the gadget malfunctioned and he teleported into a pit containing three Lava Golems. The result was well...a hot mess.

Max Tealth: Was ambushed by a Kunoichi in Zipangu. He used his Nope Grappling Hook to attempt escape, but at one point his gadget jammed and he was caught and violated by the assailant.

Ji Ant: One night he got so drunk that he accidentally gave his Giant Ant wife a growth potion instead of a bottle of wine. This miscalculation caused his wife's size to increase greatly. Ji attempted to flee using his Nope Jetpack, but it malfunctioned, causing him to fly straight into his wife's breasts.

Noah Barber: Out in the forest one night and was attacked by a Manticore. He attempted to use his Nope Speed Shoes to flee, but they malfunctioned, freezing up and causing him to fall over. The attacking Manticore barbed Noah and sexual assault soon followed.

Caven Dweller: Was exploring a deep cave searching for treasure. He eventually encountered a large group of Werebats. Realizing that he lacked the necessary equipment for the situation, he attempted to use his Nope Teleporter to escape to the surface. However, the teleporter failed to activate, and the result was a gangrape.

NT Howler: Was on a camping trip in a forest when a small pack of Werewolves attacked him during the night. He attempted to use his Nope Shield to protect himself and his camp as well as to give himself time to prepare, but the gadget experienced a rare glitch where the shield itself shot out in a ring and dragged the Werewolves in. NT was trapped with the Werewolves and the result was a sexual assault.

Tine E.: His Jinko wife was in heat and he decided to drink some wine to prepare. However, he accidentally drank a shrinking potion and shrunk to the size of a nail. The Jinko was too excited to wait, so Tine attempted to use his Nope Teleporter to try to hide and wait it out, but the teleporter malfunctioned and he ended up in his wife's breasts. What followed is too difficult to describe.

Serfs Updude: Was at the beach surfing when he got attacked by a Kraken. He attempted to escape by activating his Nope Jetski, however, its waterproof covering was recently damaged, resulting in its failure to be deployed. The Kraken caught Serfs, and there has been no sign of him since.

Ono Spyder: Was exploring some ruins when he encountered an Ushi-Oni. He attempted escape by using his Nope Jetpack, but its circuitry shorted out, causing the jetpack to die moments after Ono left the ground. This allowed the Ushi-Oni to web him up and drag him off to a cave somewhere.

Addie Venture: He had recently stolen a small idol made of diamond. This resulted in him being pursued by Kakuens and an Amazoness tribe. Addie was using his Nope Grappling Hook to swing through the jungle when the cable came loose causing him to fall to the ground. The mamono eventually caught up to him and dragged him back to their village where he was violated.

The Gazer looks to you and grins. "There are other reports like this in that file cabinet. Accidents like these don't happen very often, but they can be quite entertaining when they do.  So, wanna hear some more funny stories involving these gadgets, or do you have a story of your own you'd like to share.  Any involving a friend whose gadget failed him?  Come on, don't be afraid, I'll either feign empathy or laugh a bit, most likely the latter." she says.

(This was something I decided to do for fun, hope you find it amusing, and feel free to come up with anymore *sigh* pun jokes.)