User blog comment:MockingJester/A bridge to cross/@comment-32042142-20200216134309

Good story, I don't know what else to comment on your stories at this point.

Since I am here mostly to be annoying : You seem to have neglect the descriptions of the Orc quite a bit, to the point to mention late their very name. Later you mention that Doris have an eyepatch, wich is surprising since it should be a quite noticable feature that was never previously mentionned. If I want to go deeper, I will add that later in the story, Doris eyes are mentionned several time :

" Doris took to the front, her eyes locked with Laurie's. "

So it feel a bit like you added/removed the eyepatch at the last minute.

Also, this is probably a personnal preferences, but the "Oi" made me cringe quite a bit, I never understand why people write sory like they are writing an anime, but you changed it midway, then did it again... I guess it's ok honestly...