Board Thread:What Would You Do?/@comment-37470851-20190324052322/@comment-99.244.217.32-20190403075542

I turn down the TV volume and walk to the door. The person furiously ringing the door bell.

“Hold on a sec, jeez!”

I open the door to be greeted by a middle aged man wearing a white and red workout leotard straight from the 70’s with a paper Florida state seal scotch taped to it. He’s wearing a plastic bag on his head with holes cut out.

“Oh man, thank goodness you opened the door, the last fifteen people threatened to call the cops on me!” The man said with exhaustion in his voice.

“Uh huh, and I’m about to do the same unless you tell me what you want from me.” I say in a stern and commanding tone.

“Okay okay okay! Wait! I just need to use your phone for a second okay?” He replies back panicking that I may also do what the other fifteen people did.

I contemplate weather I should let him in. Against my better judgement, I let him in to use my phone and he does a bow of thanks. I show him to the phone and he suddenly perks up.

“Hey hey hey! That’s me on the TV! Florida man! Are you a fan of mine? I can give you my autograph! I can give you a fly around crystal river!” He says.

“Wait, your Florida man? Wow, the news sure does make you look a lot more...apealling to say the least.” I respond back.

“They do! It’s part of my super duper awesome mega giga uber powers that make me look good on camera!” He beams with glee. “Now let me just call Polish man so we can fix this mess of a portal I just made.”

“Po-Polish man? Who the heck is that? Whatever, just make your call”. I tell him. I walk around the corner to give Florida man a bit of privacy, but just close enough so I can be within easvedrop distance.

“Hey Polish man! Mhmm, yeah... okay...  What?! You can’t help? How come?... But, we’re buddies, we went to comic con last year! Remember?... Yeah, I know we got kicked out, but it was fun, right?... alright fine, tootles.”  He hangs up the phone.

He hear him start to pace around the room, he starts mumbling to himself, I press my head against the wall to hear what he’s saying better. I’m so deep into trying to ease drop I don’t even notice the person standing next to me.

“How ya spying on cutie?” A sultry feminine voice says right into my ear. Her breath is hot and it sends shivers down my spine.

“WHO THE HECK?!” I scream as I spin around and accidentally slap the lady in the face. I get a good look at her, a strange dark skinned lady with canine features stands before me. She’s rubbing her face after I slapped it in my surprise.

“Ah shucks, I’m so sorry, but who, or I guess, what the heck are you?” I ask the strange dog lady.

“Honey, I’m your new lover! I can’t belive you just slapped me on our first time meeting up like that. Such a naughty boy...you need to be punished!” She says with a fierce excitement in her voice.

She suddenly pins me against the wall and her eyes ignite in actual freaking fire, she stands up a full heigh now and she towers over me. I sweat profusely as I muster the only words I can. “FLORIDA MAN!!! HELP ME!!!”

Florida man bursts around the corner fists ready to fight! I’m going to be saved by a real super hero! Except...he starts putting his fists down.

“Ah man. Sorry ol’ chum, but I can’t help you there. You see, as part of my superhero code, I can’t hit a woman, and it seems like your being trapped by a lady! Like I said, no can do.” He says, lowering his fists and walking away.

“What?! That’s a lie! You punched Michigan Woman during that fight a few months back! Help me for crying out loud!” But my pleas for help fall on deaf ears. Florida man walks out of my house and closes the door, but not before leaving with an over dramatic bow.

“Well I guess it’s just you and me now darling. Where should we start? That couch looks comfy, hopefully it doesn’t break while we’re having fun.” The dog lady says to me.

“Please be gentle.” I utter in defeat. The next few hours were intense fun to say the least. Thanks Florida Man for finding/giving me my fiancé.