Board Thread:What Would You Do?/@comment-28718853-20190126020920/@comment-36855838-20190126054627

I lift my glass.

"Welcome, young hero! You have done well to cross the chasm of death, and the valley of despair-"

"You mean the gorge and that place with the wierd pigs?"

"-and defeating the boars of gluttony must have been no small feat! You now stand in our castle, ready to recieve our-"

"What."

"Our castle."

"Who else owns this castle?"

"My fiancé, Aldir, the devourer of-"

"I'm sorry, your what?"

"I'm engaged, to Aldír, have been for a few years actually, always seem to get bad weather on days we book priests for, and not that many make it past the man-eating boars to begin with, so-"

"You are engaged to me, prince!"

. ..

"Your face is a ghastly shade of red, would you like some wine to ease your nerves?"

She backhands the bottle off the bedside table.

"I, greatest war maiden in all the lands, was promised your hand in marriage if only I could retrieve you from the dragonkeep of the eastern mountains, and I have come to take you home!"

"Well, that's all well and good, but you haven't retrieved me, I'm still on my cozy mattress."

She turns almost purple with fury.

"A battle maiden, hmm? It seems you're in need of a carnal education. I'll have to ask my darling, but I'm sure she'd allow you to join us, she adores humans, especially warriors, like us!"

"Wait, wha-"

A powerful THUMP Shakes the whole room.

Followed by another, and another, and another.

The thumps grow closer, soon acompanied by the scraping and clacking of dragon claws on stone.

Aldír enters the room, and on seeing the sword, jumps the knightess.

A mere ten seconds leaves the woman stripped bare of her armor, the steel rent open by sheer force.

Aldír leaps to me, eager to hold me in her massive embrace.

"So anyway, this unyielding beauty is my fiancé, and she loves nookie. I kinda expected her to just be super controlling, but after I beat her at fencing, she really mellowed out!"

The woman gags.

"Really, 'nookie,' you had all the words in the world, and you decided on 'nookie?'"

"Well, that's what she calls it, but she's really good, whatever it's going to be called!"

The knightess ponders. ..

"Soooo, about that threesome?"