User blog comment:Emperor of mankind 22/the ss and monster/@comment-25359858-20150317095432

ok a few notes. You seem to be skiping out on a lot of detail. The main storys there but your lacking in the information that would make a person feel like he or she is achualy there in the story. Second there are some consistancy errors. When the portal opened up you said the Officers whent through. YOu made no methin of a whole platoon or company folowing them. If they did that would have taken time. YOu could have written about that. THe bullets and flying meatal on one side of the portal as soldgers tryed to force there way through and the caos on the other side of the portal as the camanders tryed to reistablish order over the paniked men. Then theres a bit of a logic error. A camander incharge of an entire viliges defence is not going to let in what looks like an oposing army wealdin strange possibly magic basts. NOr is he inclined to beleve all the information on earth. These are all simply suggetions on how to improve your story im not trying to rag on you. Plase keep wrighting and it is a good one so far.