User blog comment:AngryLance/A brave new world, a scared young heart - Part 2/@comment-44242415-20191027131848

I'm going to allow myself a little a review of the serie so far.

I noticed several problems, first is the consistency of the form I would say. There is time you use the word "I" written in lowercase, needless to say it should alway been used in uppercase. Another inconsistecy is that you sometime write dialog in italic, and sometime you don't. You also used different quote instead of the regular double quote, probably a problem of copy pasting from word or open office, it wouldn't be a problme much to be honest, if the last paragraph (that you probably add later on directly on the wiki) didn't break this model with regular double quote. It's a detail, but it's alway worth mentionning.

For the story, I have nothing to really say, except it's full exposition for now, nothing really happend for now. I don't really include the prologue in that latter statement since it wasn't really the beginning of the true story.

I have however a problem of size with Meri. I am not into gigantic breast, to me it look almost digusting, but I'm even less into kink shaming, and her appearance is totally appropriate to the setting and her specie. I completly understand you want to implement her as the art show her, it's not incoherent or anything.

The problem is that you need to draw the line between seriousness, and simple hentaie logic. It seem you are clearly trying to write a serious story, but Meri appearance is screaming the opposite, it's really hard to imagine her doing anything in a serious story, how is she even able to live with those? How can she dress? How can she carry things? How can she do any kind of farm work?

A concrete exemple in this story that show it already began to be a problem : How is she able to any meticullous job like sewing or making tapestry? It just make no sense.

Don't get me wrong, I completly understand you want her to be like that, I understand how someone can see the appeal, I completly respect that, it's the point of MGE. In a quick not-so-serious one shot short enought to not hint the obvious problems, I wouldn't mind. But in a more serious story, with actual stake, that's may be a problem.

I am waiting now for the next chapter, if it's planned, it's been a while since those 2 chapters were posted, I hope you are still working on this story.