Board Thread:What Would You Do?/@comment-28718853-20170403133840/@comment-29661846-20170410232909

Haven't done a funny WWYD before, hope it turned out good!

“Are you Thomas, decedent of Grierat?” A man ask as he sits down at my table, accompanied by another man.

I nearly choke on my drink as the question reaches my ears. How did they know who I was? I’m a legendary thief sure, decedent of the equally legendary Grierat, but I always prided myself on keeping a low profile.

“And if I am?” I ask, hand on my dagger underneath the table. I feared these men were with the Kingdom guards, and while I didn’t want to hurt them, I would cross that line if meant avoiding rotting in a cell.

“We need your help. In return not only will your identity be safe, but we will pay you a large sum of gold.” The man said as the one next to him showed me placed a large chest of gold on the table. He opened it only slightly, but that was just enough for me the shimmer of gold within. The man then closed it and quickly placed it back under the table, even in this humble little Inn, in this humble little town, people would have problems hurting another for that amount of gold.

“Well now, I rarely get clients. So, what do you want? Some precious jewel from a noble? A ceremonial sword from a castle?” I ask.

The men blushed, “No, it’s-something more personal.”

I cocked my head.

One of the men leaned in close and continued just above a whisper, “It’s-it’s out underwear.”

I’m sure I look like a fool staring at them with mouth agape, but the other man continues, “Please you have to believe us. This is the fifth time this week it's happened to us, and each time she gives us wedgies!”

I swear you could hear my laughter from outside the Inn, as the men sitting next me shrink into their seats.

“This is a joke right? You truly expect me to take this seriously?”

One of the men then leans over the table, with an expression I don’t like. From underneath the table he whips something onto it, I get my dagger ready and brace myself for a sword, but it’s just a piece of paper. Yet when I see what’s on that paper, I can feel my face going pale.

“Yes, that’s a sketch of you.” The man says in a calm voice, “You’re infamous for nobody knowing what you look like, but here’s a perfect replica of your face. Sure would be a shame if a guard just happened to get a hold of this.” He motioned his head to the guard near the entrance.

“Fine. Give me some details.” I say through gritted teeth.

As night falls I approach the large castle of this so called ‘underwear thief.’ They insisted I had to get their underwear during the night, but when I asked for a reason the man simply referred to my sketch and a local guard. A shame, the reason I became so skilled at thievery was because I robbed in broad daylight. You’d be surprise with what you could get away with during the few seconds someone is looking the other way.

They said their underwear would be on the second floor, again no details as to why they knew this. Unfortunately, I saw no way of scaling the wall to an open second story window, meaning I’d need to sneak in and work my way up. Climbing through an open window I was constantly swiveling my head around as I moved forward, ears straining for any sound as I masked my own the best I could. The two men said only the thief lived here, and for once I feel like this was information I didn’t need to be assured of.

<p class="MsoNormal">Making my way up the stairs I have yet to be see or hear any sign of this underwear thief, but what I do see is an ajar door. I peer inside and see men’s underwear, hanged neatly on the wall, like a trophy. This, this is too easy. I’ve been set up!

<p class="MsoNormal">My thought are confirmed with a powerful kick that sends me into the room. I roll, pulling out my dagger and see a red headed woman in a simple shirt and trousers. She flashes me a toothy grin, a toothy grin with two large fangs.

<p class="MsoNormal">A vampire. Shit.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Sup?” She says, leaning against the door.

<p class="MsoNormal">I stay silent, simply eyeing her with my dagger out. I was grateful I decided to wear a mask.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Your Thomas right? Descendent of Grierat?” My flinch gives the answer away, “Yep, figured as much, you know how to keep a girl waiting.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“So, I’ve been set up huh?”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Oh no, those two guys aren’t with me. Just last night when they were running out commando one of them yelled, ‘you’ll see! Tomorrow night I’ll sick the descendent of Grierat on you! Then you’ll be sorry!’”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Fucking idiots.” I swear under my breath.

<p class="MsoNormal">“I agree, and hey, your secrets safe with me if you just give me one thing.” She says as she stretches her arm out.

<p class="MsoNormal">“And what would that be?”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Take a guess. Your underwear.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“What? No, I’m not giving you my underwear, like hell am I walking commando even for minute, that shit sucks.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Then looks like the whole village will know who you are. A shame, I wished we could be friends.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Well wait a moment, maybe we can.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“You giving me your underwear?”

<p class="MsoNormal">“No, I think I can give you something even better. Tell me, how good are you at prowling?”

<p class="MsoNormal">The next day was…interesting to say the least. Nobles from all around were in a buzz at missing underwear, every single one was out and about in commando, as evident by the noblemen’s uncomfortable gait and the noblewomen’s clutching her dress at the slightest breeze. All the while my new vampire friend and I watched from the lawn of our castle, her in the shade of course, curtsey of an umbrella made from so much stolen underwear.