Board Thread:What Would You Do?/@comment-27303410-20180601015444/@comment-11882399-20180601180334

I close my eyes for a second and take three long, shaky breaths. Step one: recite the Mantra Against Fear. Step two: assess the situation. The situation is, to be frank, pretty dire. Whatever hand to hand training I had got lost in fifteen years of couch-potatoing and being a software engineer. We have no tactical advantage nor the numbers to make it out unmarried. I smoke a pack a day so outrunning them is out of the question even if they had no superhuman agility, strength and senses.

I have one chance, though. Mamono psychology has its flaws and I'm gonna use it to my advantage. I can't escape getting married, but by golly I'll do everything in my power to CHOOSE.

"Yo!" I shout at the air "In case there's any lamia out there, know ye that I love thee. Stepping out now - and if you're brave enough to meet me afield, *come get jumped*".

One second. Three. Ten. Indistinct female shouting. My pal is in fetal position in a corner. Useless.

I take a breath, open the door and I'm greeted by a hilariously apocalyptic scene: two harpies, ten orcs and one oni are strewn around literally KO'd while a lamia, a bunyip and a shirohebi all turn to me. The lamia is grinning like a predator, the bunyip's eyes look like they're about to burn holes in my crotch and the shirohebi is blushing furiously.

I have to make a split second decision before one of these chooses for me, so I pounce: clumsily rolling right in front of the shirohebi I stagger up and grab her shoulders. "Marry me." I pant.

"HAI!" She squeals before I feel her literally carrying me away. Half laughing I shout at the disappointed pair left in the clearing: "One for the picking in the trailer! Go get'im, ladies!"

What can I say? Always liked Asians anyway...