User blog:Party Vanderbilt/Party's What Do Wonders - Inari Edition

Archived from the Inari page, originally in response to a "What Do You Do" scenario posted by Karina Frost, presented here in mostly unedited form. Mind that the original scenario is rather lengthy itself:

"You know, let's take the standardized X or Y question and mix it with a 'What Do?'

(Gender Unspecified, would like to see answers from both genders, please! If you choose to respond as a Mamono, that would be fun as well!)

The Background and who you are.

You're a soldier for The Order, doing some spying in Zipangu, scouting the area and the inhabitants for potential threats and allies. Your commander, tends to flat out ignore most of the rules and restrictions placed on the information concerning monsters, and as such, keeps a copy of this very encyclopedia on hand when he's deployed. You don't know how he managed to sneak it by the higher-ups, and honestly, you don't really give a damn. You're a logical person, right? It only makes sense that a battle without knowing anything about your enemy is a big disadvantage. The rest of your troop is also scouting the reigon, though none of them are within walking range, a fast jog, maybe, but for the most part, you are on your own. Your choice of arms was very limited, as your unit wasn't sent out for war, but for spying, so you are only armed with a single dagger of respectable material. This dagger actually isn't standard issue, but a personalized dagger made of magically strengthened steel crafted for your hand alone. At the pommel, rests an azure Devil Gem that glows whenever high amounts of Demonic Energy are within a certain range. You got this Gem as a gift from some unnamed Hero for somehow saving his ass from an ambush a few months ago (A hero without backup, in most cases, is pretty worthless, don't ask how he got the gem, either). You don't have any other note-worthy equipment. Due to your commander's knowledge, you also know monsters can and will attack humans, but they don't break the bond known as love (On a universe fixated on love, this would be kinda like the ultimate taboo.) Unfortunately for you, you're single, and don't have any crushes or interests on/in the people you currently know.(If you choose to bring a partner, because you're stronger in numbers, the partner must be human, and of the opposite gender, you may also crush on this human. If you would become an Alp upon obtaining Demonic Energy, the partner will be your best friend (Male) You and your partner have also not had sexual relations, nor are you dating. It's more of that unspoken relationship that's better than being friends, but not actually dating.)

Now, for the actual scenario.

Back to the story, your shift is over, and you prepare to head back to base for supper. You take the usual shortcut you've mapped out two weeks ago, but something just doesn't seem right. After about 56 seconds into this randomly long alley (Shortcut, yes, but it's still along way from camp!). You notice that your Devil Gem is glowing. You remain calm, and prepare to draw your dagger at the sign of the enemy. The sun is currently setting, but you cannot rest now, there are monsters nearby(I hope you get this reference). 15 seconds later, you see the shiloutette of a beast mamono, you also take notice of the multiple bushy tails, concluding it is either an Inari or a Youko. You look behind you for an alternate way out, as your combat skills are not exactly the greatest (You used a single-use spell item to save the Hero mentioned earlier) but it seems there is another kitsune behind you (Using this term because it could be either one.) Both exits are blocked now, and the temperature slightly drops, revealing that a Yuki-Onna is here too. This day is just gonna get better, isn't it. You've already ran all possible outcomes of the situation, and most, if not all options end in you becoming, if you're a guy, either an Alp, or an Incubus. If you're a woman, you're probably gonna become a mamono yourself. The fox ladies begin to close the distance between you. You can now identify that one is an Inari, and the other is a Youko. ''You're in control now. How does it end?''(Who the hell says that monsters won't form husband hunting groups?) (Harem Endings are accepted. No Incest.)

IF you elected to play as the Mamono, then this individual is your target, and you join the monster party instead of deal with the party.

NOTE: The Yuki-Onna is already married, and is only here to make sure that one of her friends gets lucky, or a new mamono is created.

First 'What Do?' I've written, comments would be welcomed!

Time to think fast! Since I'm pretty worthless at fighting, evidently, I'm forced to work with the greater power of my MIND! As such, I quickly come up with a plan to trick the man-hungry women!

"I can't get married," I explain, "because my poor, ailing old mother is waiting for me back home. My pay is the only thing standing between her and the streets, and I don't think her gouty old feet could stand it. Plus, she has angina, and I'm worried she may have to have an operation! No, no. I'm afraid that as things stand, I can't get married. I just can't afford to. If I had a couple thousand, then maybe I could set her up. But as it stands, I just can't afford it."

Strangly enough, it seems that little guilt-trip might actually WORK! At the very least, it causes the two fox-women to stop where they are. Both of them actually almost look a little guilty, and they start to back away.

Of course, it's at that exact momen that a cheerfully smiling head with a pair of fuzzy, brown racoon-dog ears pops out of a door right behind me.

"Do-ho-ho?! Did I hear correctly?! Is someone a little strapped for cash?! Well, conveniently enough, I just so happen to work in the money-lending trade and I'd be more than happy to offer you a...competitive rate. You know you can't turn me down. It's for the well-being of your pooooor, siiiiiick, aiiiiiiiling mother, after all!"

Well, fuck.