Thread:AngryLance/@comment-37028137-20200128044919/@comment-37028137-20200223194203

Question 1 Part B

When it comes to character dialogue you want it to ‘feel’ real. It has to sound like something a normal person would say in the course of a conversation, if the dialogue is stilted then the whole thing falls apart. (There is of course one exception to this rule. If the character is stilted or high strung then the dialogue should match that. But be careful when you use that type it can become wooden.)

When you write dialogue my advice is to speak the lines aloud. It sounds ridiculous I know, but it works and it gives you a sense of how the conversation would actually progress. As a side note dialogue between characters is an excellent way to give readers pertinent information without it appearing forced or out of place. It also allows you to show off each character’s personality by exploring how they talk, phrases they use, accents, or how they respond to questions and play off the other characters. I’ll put an example of a conversation between Nicholas and Vellantha below as well. Be warned this next excerpt is extremely long but it displays Vellantha’s nature and inner thoughts as well as Nicholas’ reactions to a variety of circumstances. So I think it’s a well-rounded example of different areas. By the way just as a heads up the excerpts are all from Vellantha’s perspective since the chapter I pulled them from was entirely centered on her first trip in the TARDIS.

---I collapsed against the rocky ground and stared up at the Doctor who was standing over me with a determined expression contorting his features. “What…I don’t, what happened?” I tried to move into a sitting position but gasped as a jolt of pain ripped through my shoulder. “Don’t move! You’ve torn through the muscle and bone of your shoulder; I still need to heal it properly.” I hissed as pressure was applied to the wound and my mind grew clearer as a result. The adrenaline in my veins was quickly dissipating; leaving not only a clearer sense of the world but a greater understanding of how badly I’d been hurt. The pain that had been numbed my bodies’ initial chemical response now hit me in full and I screamed as my eyes blurred through the tears that streamed down my face. At this point I just wanted to sleep but a voice that seemed hollow and far away kept screaming and waking me up.

Finally I’d had enough so I turned to the voice intent on telling it off in the most vulgar syntax I could string together until I saw the Doctor’s face inches from my own. “Hey handsome…where’d that, where’d that asshole…voice, go to?” He didn’t answer my question; instead he kept giving me instructions to follow. The Doctor’s words were warped and strange but I did my best to do whatever it was that he wanted. “I need you to take my hand and squeeze tightly, you’ve lost a lot of blood and this is going to hurt.” “Huh? Oh… Ok cutie.” I grabbed his right hand and a feeling of warmth and calm spread through me as my senses returned. But as suddenly as the gentle warmth enveloped me a new tingling sensation moved through my shoulder. The Doctor had his left hand pressed against the wound and a golden light was pouring out over the damage and repairing it with an unmatched swiftness the likes of which I had never seen before.

“There we go all fixed up, how are you feeling Vellantha?” “Ugh oh my head is killing me.” “I imagine it would, yes. You swallowed quite a bit of water and lost a good sum of blood in addition to that. Not to worry though. I patched up your shoulder and all the scrapes and scratches you sustained in the rapids. Anyway I’m glad I got to you when I did, you’d started to mumble incoherently.” I moved to stand and the Doctor quickly helped support me though I shooed him away as I felt heat rising in my checks and couldn’t even look him in the eyes. I huffed in discontent as I took in my surroundings. ''Here I am a trained warrior and Knight sworn to a Vow to protect the Doctor and yet I’ve had to be saved by his hand twice over! ''Even so, now that I had seen more of this strange man and the good he was capable of I found it quite the battering to my pride that I couldn’t do anything to help the man I’d sworn to protect.

“You alright Vellantha? No offense meant but you look a little peeved.” I took a couple of deep breaths to steady myself as I did not wish to take my own internal frustration at myself out on the one man that seemed intent on helping me. “Yes, I am al…” My words caught in my throat and my jaw hung open as I beheld the sight which greeted me as I turned around. The Doctor had slumped against a large boulder for support as blood poured down his face from a wound in his head. His left arm was twisted at an unnaturally jarring angle and he seemed to have a glazed over expression framing his face. I’d been so caught up in my own self-loathing attitude that I hadn’t even noticed his injuries. “Oh my Demon Lord! Are you Ok?!” As soon as the words left my mouth I regretted what I said; it was perfectly clear the Doctor was far from Ok. “Hmm? Oh yes I think so but would you mind popping my arm back into its socket?” His fairly mundane statement of assurance struck me as an odd sort of counter to his current state. ''He must be completely out of it from the pain. But how did he fix me up if he isn’t cognizant of his own pain or surroundings? Muscle memory maybe? ''

I pushed these idle thoughts aside for the time being as I rushed to the Doctor’s side and began pulling out a plethora of different supplies. I might not have the same skills as the Doctor when it came to medicine but I did have my certification as a field medic from the Academy in Polove. “Hold on, I’ve got you.” I peeled open the Doctor’s left eyelid and began to shine a light on his pupil to test for responsiveness until he swatted my hand away. “What are you doing Vellantha?! Just pop my shoulder back in would you please?!” The irritation was thick and clear in his voice and it took me aback. “Doctor? You’re awake my friend? What a relief.” “Yes I am, now pop my shoulder back in would you!” I moved my hands to his left shoulder and felt around to line the joint in his arm up with his shoulder socket. “This may hurt a bit.” The Doctor’s bemused expression and insistence that I just ‘get it over with’ forced me in action and I wrenched his arm around and back into place. I then went to work on the cut in his head and wrapped him in bandages to stop the blood flow.

As soon as I’d done that it was as if a switch had been flipped; the Doctor’s grumpy demeanor vanished and was immediately replaced with his normal reserved yet jovial and inquisitive attitude. “Thank you Vellantha, and I apologize for being so short with you.” “You need not apologize Doctor; the fault was mine. If I hadn’t been caught in my own thoughts I would have seen that you were injured sooner and been able to help…”—

Here we get a great little scene (About 1,000 words so fairly short) between the pair and it moves through a natural character progression. The first Is Nick’s immediate response of trying to help his friend after she’s been severely hurt; this shows the reader the reader that first and foremost Nick is going to help others even if he pretends to not care. Then when Vellantha is healed and the ‘camera’ pans to reveal that Nick was wounded the entire time it reinforces two basic traits of his character. Number 1 He will help others without hesitation. And number 2 while he cares what happens to other folks, he couldn’t care less about himself. Most of that is carried through the dialogue (with a few descriptors thrown in to really sell the scene.) Remember dialogue always needs to add to a character’s story and development.

When I write dialogue I ask myself 3 questions after every line.

1 Does the dialogue fit with the way the character has been portrayed previously in the story?

2 What does this tell readers about the character and their motivations/desires/beliefs/or hopes?

3 How does this dialogue aide in developing the character, or allowing them to grow?

And if I cannot come up with a satisfactory answer to all three parts then the dialogue is scrapped.

Here is another bit of dialogue; it is an extended scene which actually exposits a good chuck of backstory on both characters. But because they are chatting it doesn’t feel like an information overload, so to speak. I’ll weave in my comments as we go on this one since the scene is so long.

--“Enough of that self-pity crap Vellantha; just stop it! Now you listen to me. Based on what I’ve seen of you, you are a highly intelligent and confident woman and are full of ideas. Ones which I, never in a million years would have thought up! I mean you cracked the Gene Coding issue for a formula I’d created but never fixed more than fifteen thousand years ago. Think of that, it took me fifteen thousand years or so to work on that and you fixed it right up in fifteen minutes! Not only do you somehow have the complete package: you’re brilliant, funny, kind, compassionate, and beautiful. You somehow manage to keep your constant sunny disposition and sanity intact whilst juggling an immense amount of responsibility and power. What I’m saying is please don’t become a moody self-destructive asshole that wallows in their own toxic brew of self despair…Besides that’s my job.” I was stunned in a way, not only by his blunt mannerism but by the genuine warmth and concern evident in his voice.—

Here we get a sense of his cranky and his pessimistic slant, along with his sweeter undertones. He tells Vellantha in no uncertain terms to quit feeling sorry for herself but then goes a step farther and points out everything about her which he admires. Later on Vellantha gives him a similar talk when he starts slipping into his self-loathing tendencies again. So it provides a great point and counterpoint, to show them as equals. These next bits sets up their back and forth banter while providing a narrative Launchpad for exposition disguised by dialogue. It also begins to hint that Vellantha isn’t quite normal as she displays her Telepathic abilities for the first time.

--I stared at the Doctor and his eyes captured my own. Each of his deep bright blue eyes sparkled under the sunlight and were brimming with energy and life. I have always possessed the rather unique ability to view the memories of others via eye contact; it works almost like hypnosis being able drive into and search through memories. I wanted to know why this man who is nothing but kind and caring to the Mamono soldiers on the battlefield, the castle workers, or me felt it necessary to hide himself away from everyone. So I reached into his mind ever so gently. It was odd at first, his mind was strong and well-guarded against most mental probes and yet I found myself slipping through those defenses with ease. I could see hundreds of worlds and faces. Creatures and horizons I’d never seen manifested and blew away like smoke. Seeing through the Doctor’s eyes I gained flashes of memories and sound. Strange ships and inscriptions blurred around me. Multiple voices that were different than his but that I instinctively knew belonged to him rang in my ears.

''  Some people call me the Doctor, it’s still a work in progress...You might not have saved an entire society but at least you helped one man…There are many things I would argue that make life worth living, from the smallest flower blooming to the birth of a new star… Life itself depends on change and renewal… An apple a day, no forget that…We can travel anywhere and everywhere regardless of space and time… Human beings, such funny little brains, why do you never take time to imagine that maybe just maybe you survive…Indomitable that’s the word, Ha! …Courage, real courage is more than not being frightened; it means being afraid and facing those fears anyways…Oh I’m just a traveler passing through and getting into scrapes…I’m not human I walk through eternity…Bah no such thing as destiny that’s a defense used by feeble minded idiots; the only person who chooses your future is you so go out there and make it worthwhile…Oh hello there, we come in peace and inadvertently as a matter of fact… '' Digging deeper though I could see the pain hidden below the joyful façade; no façade was the wrong word; his joy and mirth was real but it also doubled as a way to distance himself from others. ''Who hurt you so badly? What pain could be so bad that you need to lock it away in the deepest recesses of your mind? Once again the cacophony of more than a dozen voices besieged my thoughts. You’ve made something contagious, a virus, inside a laboratory out of the mummified remains of the dead and you ask me to appreciate it?!...You cannot rewrite history not one line!...These people are defenseless, leave them alone!... You know nothing of life Lord Foul, treachery, murder, and deceit are your bailiwicks and in the end that is why life will be your undoing! … Hell is a place of our own design…Brave heart Ana, I’ve got you you’ll be alright… ''

Suddenly my mind was pulled away from the sights and sounds that surrounded me. The Doctor had reached up and placed his left hand across my shoulder while he gave me a somewhat piercing, sad smile. “You know you could have just asked right? Besides it would have been far safer for you, instead of just diving right in.” “Would you have been honest with me if I had asked?” “Hmm, probably not, no. I’ll make you a deal though. How about we start heading where the Detector says the particles are and you can ask questions as we go. But I would like to ask a few questions in return. A question and answer for one in return. How does that sound?” I toyed with the idea for a moment before looking down at the Doctor. “It is…agreeable.” The Doctor smiled before charging off up the shoreline. “Come along, come along. We’ve got work to do. Zenon Particles this way!” The Doctor now had the Detector in his hand and was scanning around with the device as we raced up along the shoreline. The device began to beep again and rose in both pitch and intensity, signaling our distance away from whatever we were searching for.—

So we set up that both Vellantha and Nick are rather strange folks in their own right. She can read minds and he seemed to know what she was up to and even allowed her to see his mind. Having fantasy elements like telepathy allows the characters a spot of vulnerability, while reaffirming that they aren’t quite ‘normal’ It really works well as a segue way into their larger conversation and burgeoning friendship as well, speaking of the conversation see below.

--Hand in hand we raced through the jungle and across the stony banks; I of course wasted no time in indulging my curiosity. “All those faces and voices, I don’t understand I thought I was looking through your eyes." The Doctor smiled up at me as we ran. “You were, but you got everything at once. Remember I can Regenerate that means a new body and a slightly tweaked personality. You just took the brunt of memories and experiences from fifteen different lifetimes. You very well might have suffered a neural implosion if you’d gone farther in and believe me that’s not a good way to die.” I nodded at this, it made sense after all that a species which had evolved to change their form every so often would be capable of retaining those memories without fear of mental damages but someone like me would most likely die from the vast amount of information being exchanged. “But what about…” The Doctor held up a hand to cut me off, and I nodded begrudgingly.

“Right now it’s my turn, so tell about yourself Vellantha, how did you get into technological and magical integration, not to mention entering the armed forces?” “That is actually two questions in one my friend…but I suppose I can indulge you. Well when I was 6,000 years old I joined the Royal Academy at Polove, as is the standard for any daughter of the Demon Lord. During my years at the academy I studied Magi-Technical Computational Algorithms as a base course. One of my professors had noted my potential early on and urged me to take a career in Magical Technology after I graduated. When I finally did graduate from the academy at the young age of 12,000 with several Doctoral degrees in Magic Adaptation and Technological Integration I instead opted to join the military. You see ever since I was a little girl I’d been told stories about The Order and how they would kill and destroy without mercy or thought and I had delusions of grandeur; of me sweeping in and toppling the tyrannical Order and that frigid bitch the chief god. It’s stupid I know.”

The Doctor grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently as we moved. “It’s not stupid at all, kids are innocent their ideals are unsullied by the wickedness of life. You wanted to help people I’d say that’s very admirable, also I never realized you were a doctor too, my apologies for not addressing you as such. But I must say, you being in the military at such a young age is disconcerting.” “Oh thanks, for telling me that, it helps and yes it was strange to be so young but life is surprising like that. As for the whole Doctorate business well I just got used to my military rank so ‘Dr. Vellantha’ fell along the wayside. Anyways while I was in the military I still continued to improve my knowledge and skills as a tech. Eventually I rose through the ranks, by way of my own merits to become the Supreme Admiral of the Mamono Armed Forces. Mother does not play favorites even with her own children when it comes to positions of power. As I recall she laughed at my intentions to join the military the first time I told her, and said something about me going through a phase. She always tried to protect me from everything.”

“Hmm well I suppose that’s one way of looking at it, or maybe and just hear me out on this first. Maybe your mother wanted to make sure it was your choice to go into the military and not just you fulfilling a sense of obligation. After all several of your other sisters are in the military aren’t they?” I chuckled at this “Ah maybe you are right my friend, my mother has always encouraged me to do my utmost. I do believe however that it is my turn once again to ask you a question is it not?” The Doctor smiled and gestured for me to continue while he surveyed the area.

“I don’t know if this is out of line but Emma told me about your parents dying and how you and your brother fled your home. I hope I haven’t crossed a line in asking this but you never specified whether anything was off limits.” I watched as the Doctor’s face became solemn and his expression shifted as his gaze seemed to focus on the horizon line of the sky. “Yes, uh it’s alright if Silmë trusts you with this then so do I. In any case it might do me a measure of good to talk about these things, I have a tendency to bottle my issues up and let them fester. So what would you like to know Vellantha?” “You have lived for thousands of years just as I have, though we are both considered young by the conventions of our species; and yet you and I both have seen and done so much at such a young age. What I mean is, don’t you ever get overwhelmed or want to be able to slow down every now and then, how are you able to keep zipping around saving people all the time; don’t you get tired of the endless cruelty of it all? Or put another way aren’t you afraid of missing out on life and forming meaningful relationships if you go by it too fast? ”

“Well that’s a rather broad range of questioning Vellantha, but I’ll oblige your curiosity. So I’ll answer both of your questions in an overarching way if that’s alright. Yes I do get overwhelmed by everything going on around me and it actually happens more often than you might think. I’ve found that I need to take time for myself every now and again, just relax and do some introspection and self-reflection as it were. Let me put it in perspective if I may and since you’ve learned Earth’s history I’ll use that to explain. I’ve been around long enough to be privy to some truly extraordinary sights and conversations. I have made several versions of Earth across many dimensions my home over the years and I’ve tried to help where I can. I watched King Alaric and the Visigoths’ sack Rome in 410 A.D., I saw the Renaissance spread like wildfire in the 15th century, I gave Michelangelo pointers while he painted the Sistine Chapel, I talked long into the night with Thomas Hobbes as we drunkenly discussed philosophy, I’ve talked with Albert Einstein about the theory of time travel; at least he thought it was in theory, I sat with Dr. Salk as he discovered the cure to Polio, I marched with Reverend Dr. King from Selma to Montgomery, I saw the Berlin Wall fall. I survived nuclear annihilation and World War Three, fought though the Eugenics wars, and watched with pride as Humankind took its first tentative steps among the stars. What I’m saying is I have seen what good humans are capable of and they are just one species out of billions or trillions; so that gives me hope that good can, will, and does continue. Maybe good keeps going in part due to my influence in the universe, maybe not, but it most certainly continues in spite of me. So I wouldn’t be in such a hurry to define the universe as cruel, good will always survive no matter what evil may rise to trample it I promise you that.”

I laughed quietly at my friend as he stared at me with a cute perplexed frown. “You’re good I’ll give you that Doctor.” “I don’t know what you’re talking about whatever do you mean?” “You answered the first part of my question I’ll grant you that but what about the rest of it? I asked if you had any meaningful relationships and allow me to clarify and be direct since you once told me you’re ‘not a fan of double talk and veiled insinuations’. Do you have a wife or a girlfriend?” I watched as the Doctor began to go bright red in the face while stuttering over his words, his arms flailed in the air uselessly as his brain ran in circles. “I’ll take that as a no then, thanks for being so cooperative.” –

Here I just dump a load of exposition but it seems natural because the two characters are just chatting about life, which is something that everybody does. (I always hated those soap opera where two characters will have a misunderstanding and things will escalate because they refuse to talk to each other. In real life folks talk all the time, about almost anything, and everything. So I really tried to capture that sincerity here, realism is paramount in characterization after all.) It helps give the characters insight into each other as well as letting the reader fill in the gaps of information from earlier in the novel. (My book is told from Nicholas and Vellantha’s perspectives exclusively and the narrative flip-flops back and forth between their viewpoints at times.) Because of this the reader only gets parts of the picture at any given time. So having the characters chat fills in blank spots and allows the reader to possibly piece a few secrets together ahead of their reveal in the narrative. That way the reader stays invested and is rewarded for their insight, making them want to continue reading. (Sneaky eh?)

--“I forgot Mamono are…especially keen on relationships. Hmm well you are right in your intuition I don’t have a significant other; that’s what the kids call it these days isn’t it.” “Well why do you think that is my friend? Because it seems to me that you should be taken by now. If you’re not careful I’ll scoop you up myself.” I watched the Doctor laugh heartily, but there was no mirth behind the action. In a flash his eyes had lost their brightness and they were filled with a sort of bleak sadness and he refused to meet my gaze. When he did eventually look back at me he spoke in such a way that I barely recognized him. His voice was deep, somber, and spilled out in raspy bursts. “I would advise against any sort of relationship with me. Everyone I seem to care for ends up hurt and broken.”

“Is that so, you know what I think? I think you live a dangerous life and sure people get hurt. But I also think you overvalue the part you play in the misery of others while undervaluing the role you play in their recovery and the spark of good you leave them with.” I swiftly grabbed the Doctor by the shoulders and spun him around to face me. “Be very clear on this my friend: You are not some specter of unavoidable disaster. When I looked into your mind I saw darkness yes, but I also saw a bright unfettered light in you. That light, that innate desire to help and protect others that was stronger and purer than anything else. Hold onto that and don’t you dare let it wane or diminish!” I then hugged him close to my bosom and we stayed that way until a shrill beeping cut through the picturesque moment. –

Finally we have Vellantha giving Nick a similar talk to the one he gave her earlier in the chapter. Once again the dialogue is used to highlight Vellantha’s distinct character qualities and adds more depth to her character, as it displays her more outgoing, and happy nature, along with a more protective edge. It also reaffirms their bond in a sense.

I’ll publish my thoughts on Questions 2, 3, and 4 later on. I want to reread the parts to make sure I really understand the characters.

Cheers,

The Weary TimeLord.