User blog:Richard Zhao/Wonderland Trial

A/N: This is a response to the Wonderland Trial WWYD by Bomberman666, which can be found here .

You know, when you end up being thrown into a cell in Wonderland, it is easily predictable that the court of the Queen of Hearts is unmistakably the next place you would go.

And unfortunately for me, I am no Alice. I don’t have the defence of being in a dream-like state, nor being able to grow myself as much as I wish, to topple those around me. I’m just a ordinary human, no powers, no connections with higher-up beings that would be able to save me, and no special talents to help me.

If this was the fable’s Wonderland, then I’m good as dead. However, this is not that Wonderland, but a Wonderland of lust and mamonos. I doubt that they would execute any human males that arrive here for whatever crime I am punished with, and although the residents here are slightly pushy, they are still fairly well-meaning, if you were to get past the raping and forced marriage parts.

In the time left in the trial, I spent my time reading through the book of Wonderland Laws that the Trumpart that threw me into this cell tossed at me, as a gesture of pity. She is right to pity me, since we’re both aware that this trial is a kangaroo court. I will be sentenced regardless of what I say, or do. However, even in a kangaroo court, I still have some freedom, and if I play my cards right, I can ease the verdict to my favour as much as possible.

Still, reading that book of laws, I do not understand what crime has gotten me thrown into a trial… I have not done harm, verbal or physical, to the residents, I have not trespassed, I have not stolen anything of value, and I have never committed any petty crimes. What am I being accused of then? I must know before I can form my story to the court.

Eventually, the Trumpart that locked me in here returned, as she was a Jack of Spades, a rank that is only fitting of guard captains and royal guards in this realm. With short green hair, and a black and white attire, with a black beret that has a silver ribbon tied to one side, she enters the prison, before dragging me up with a serious look on her face.

“Get up. You’re being called to court.” She declares with a no-nonsense tone, before she then shoves me forward, and prods my back with the tip of her spear.

I don’t resist her at all, as I walk forward, without moving my head or making any extraneous movements. Eventually, I arrive at the court, which is situated outside, inside a large rose garden. There are layered stands filled with residents of the realm, all of which are looking at me with varied reactions. Some of them look at me as if I’m a vilified villain, others look at me as if I’m a simple criminal facing judgement, and there are people who look at me, as if I’m a victim of the law system, who is about to get crushed.

I don’t react to them, because I cannot blame them for their reactions. A criminal, here or anywhere else, is not well-received.

I then take my step onto the defendant’s stand, as I can see the jury to one side of the centre ground, the witness stand on the other, and right in the centre, lies the child-bodied ruler of the land, wielding miniature sceptre, the Queen of Hearts herself.

She looked upon me, before she then smacks the sceptre twice against the table, the ringing sound indicating for silence, as all audience of the court sat down, including the jury.

“Now then, we shall start the case of Cade vs. Wonderland.” The Queen of Hearts declared. “Cade, you have not given your last name to my guards. Do you wish to speak of it now, or not?”

“It’s Trigmeton. Cade Trigmeton, your Highness.” I respond back calmly. “…May I ask of what crimes that I am being judged guilty of?”

“Playing the fool, I see?” The Queen of Hearts sneered, as the court glared at me. “You stand accused of several counts of 1st degree mamono heartbreak, several counts in fact. Are you aware that this crime is gravely punished, with execution as one of the likely outcomes?”

I am surprised to hear that my crime was heartbreak, although it made sense, considering that I rejected several girls on the way here. But still, seeing that smirk on the Queen’s face when she said execution. I know that it would be a gruesome fate for me, whether execution means in terms of my ability to commit to sexual activities… If it is, then it is a fate worse than death by proper execution.

“I am aware of it, through reading the Wonderland Laws, Your Highness.” I firmly respond back.

“Now then, while you still have the time to speak… What is your defence, Trigmeton?” The Queen of Hearts shot at me.

“I have no defence against my verdict, your Highness. I am well aware of what my actions have led to.” I answer back calmly, as I gather the proper statements in my mind, in preparation for the real part of the trial to begin. “However, if I may state something, if you are merciful enough to entertain me?”

“Oh? And what is that?” The Queen of Hearts asked back, as her eyes raised with interest.

That means it’s partially successful. As long as I don’t bore or enrage the Queen of Hearts, she won’t allow this trial to end. After all, she wants me to struggle a little, so that she can prove justice wins in the end. That’s the first advice of being the accused in a kangaroo court: Don’t give the judge a reason to hand down the sentence immediately.

She will have her victory, but not before I make this a situation where I can benefit.

“Your Highness, I would like to state that I am guilty without fault, but that is only because I am guilty regardless of what I will do.” I calmly state.

And with those words, the entire court let out a collective gasp of shock, as they are left stunned about the fact that I’m a condemned criminal, even if I were to turn out to be innocent. In their perspective, that means that I can only be guilty, and that means that this may cause complications in the judicial system of the realm. Even the Queen of Hearts choked back on her words, when she heard that statement.

“W-What is this nonsense!?” She snarls at me. “You’re guilty no matter what you do? What gives you the reason to speak such a paradoxical statement? Explain yourself!”

“I can and I will, your Highness. All I ask is that all of you listen to me until the end. If you do not understand my words, then I will accept my sentence without any more statements.” I respond back. “But I assure you, what I said is not nonsense at all.”

“Fine, amuse us then. Explain all you want, but you’re not getting off scot-free either way.” The Queen of Hearts threatened.

I merely nod back, knowing that this is the defining moment of my testimony.

“Your Highness, may I ask if you could call a witness to the stand?” I ask calmly. “I do believe that they might be the people that I met on the way, and potentially the victims of my actions.”

“Alright then, if you would like to dig your grave. I call the first witness!” The Queen of Hearts declared, as a familiar pink and purple bunny-girl arrives on the witness stand, as she averts her gaze from me in a moment. “Now then, Valerie Milshire, state your account of interacting with the accused.”

“Well, I met this cutie on the road, and I wanted to get to know him.” Valerie stated with a fairly optimistic tone, with hints of arousal in her words. “We met together, and he was fairly nice, talking with me for a while, and even giving me a few massages. However, when I asked him to stay with me for a while, he rejected me, telling me that he’s got other places to go.”

“That will do.” The Queen of Hearts stated with a even tone, before she then turns back to me with a glare. “Now then, what do you have to say, condemned?”

“Valerie, I am aware of what we talked about.” I tell Valerie in a straight-forward manner. “I know how much you desire me, and that your greatest wish is to find a husband that would be your own, your true love. And in fact, I was tempted by it. Your physique was enough to almost make me take you as my own when my hand brushed against your fur, and how sweet you were to me, although you were slightly lustful in your wording. However, I could not take you yet, for there were others that I wanted to meet.”

Valerie looked down at the stand, although she didn’t seem to be truly heartbroken, just a little sad. However, to the Queen of Hearts, it did seem like the former, which only made her a lot more angry, while the crowd were left between outrage and sympathy.

“And that is exactly why you’re guilty. Now then, would you like to continue this façade of a trial, your ineffective attempt to garner sympathy from the jury and the audience, or are you going to obediently accept your verdict?” She asked me, slightly irritated.

“Not yet, your Highness.” I answer back, shaking my head. “There are two others that I have truly interacted with. Where is Millie, who I managed to have a brief conversation with, before she then fell asleep?”

“Fine then, bring the second witness.” The Queen of Hearts grumbled in turn, as one of the Trumparts in the court brought the sleeping Dormouse to the stand, as she was standing up with eyes closed and a gentle snoring sound emanating from her moving lips. “Millie Greentea, state your account of your interaction with the accused.”

“Mmmh…” Millie mumbled, as she was still in a dream-like trance, considering that she is only mildly aware of the environment around her. “I met Cade when I was walking along the road, while I was still awake… And then we talked with each other for a moment, before I then fell asleep in his lap, after he offered me some water he had on him… And then I heard him leave after a while.”

“So, would you care to explain this one?” The Queen of Hearts asked back. “If you have taken a Dormouse while she is asleep, and abandoned her, that’s two counts of criminal activity, heartbreak and martial neglect. I would be happy to arrest you with those charges, but I’ll give you one chance to explain what you did with her.”

“I did have thoughts about taking Millie as my own, I won’t lie. I suspected that the moment she fell into dormancy, she would exert that aura of lust to effect me. I was quite hard at the time.” I explain. “My mind was filled with the thoughts of ravaging Millie right here and there, and taking her as my own. However, I resisted those thoughts long enough to make the decision to part ways with her, before the presence would be too overwhelming. Of course, I didn’t just stay for the lust itself, I stayed longer because she was genuinely a good person, and she would have been a very good spouse for me. However… You know what resulted in me standing before you, Your Highness.”

The Queen of Hearts was left speechless, as the grip on her sceptre tightened significantly, before the court entered a state of uproar again, as there was bickering among the audience and jury, before they were silenced by the Queen of Hearts banging her sceptre on the table twice with crushing force.

“ORDER! ORDER!” The Queen of Hearts barked out, before her glaring eyes fell back on me. “Alright, it seems that you’ve proven that you’re not guilty of martial neglect. However, do not think that this changes anything. You still got that last witness, someone who testified against you. I call the third and final witness of the case, Clarice Mellevere, to the stand!”

The Mad Hatter that was the last proper person that I had a proper conversation with, took her place on the stand, as she did so with fairly arousing movements, enough to give me a bit of arousal myself, as I stiffened a little, both up and down my body.

“Now then, speak of your interaction with the accused.” The Queen of Hearts ordered.

“Why, I’d be glad to, Your Highness.” Clarice chuckled with a cool smirk on her lips, as it was hard to tell if she was being malicious to me, or she was simply being whimsical and eccentric. “You see, this little dearie and I met about a day ago, and we even had a proper tea party together. You couldn’t have imagined how resilient this one is. I gave him a fair dose of my ‘special’ tea, and he is still well enough to not ravage me there, the little sweetie. Although, he was still a really good guest, didn’t even step out of line, until it was the end of the tea party. Sad to see him go, and it was fairly heart-breaking to let a dearie like him slip from my embrace. Surely, you couldn’t have not felt a twinge of remorse leaving poor little me all alone, dear Cade?”

“Speak your response.” The Queen of Hearts growled at me, her patience for all of this wearing thin.

“Lady Clarice, I mean no ill intent when I declined your various offers to engage with me. In fact, I owe you thanks for giving me the spores needed to grow accustomed to this world.” I respond back. “And you were a good person. Like the others, you gave me pause on my decision to continue across the realm, and I had thoughts to stay with you for the rest of my life. And yet… curiosity prevails through all feelings, and I am unable to accept that truth. However, I never said that I wouldn’t come back: You were the first person that I thought of revisiting. It’s a shame that we had to meet like this.”

Clarice was silent, as the smile on her lips drooped a little, as if she felt a little sorry for me. “You are indeed right… If only it wasn’t like this.” She answered back with a gentle and sympathetic tone.

“Now then, everyone that you have stabbed through the hearts of, have finally spoken their piece.” The Queen of Hearts answered back, as the cruel smirk reappeared on her lips. “Now then, I would end the trial right here and there, but now I’m curious, since you affectionately care for them. Tell me, what is the reason that would make you such a hypocrite to turn your back on the girls who truly cared for you? What say you, condemned?”

“Your Highness, by presenting them all here, the evidence for my statement lies in the presence they have here.” I finally explain my case. “The reason why I never defended myself, your Highness, is because I am already guilty, and I will remain guilty until the end of time, because of what I do. I suspect that I was led to Wonderland, because of my desire to find a spouse that would be my true love in this world, which is why I am reluctant to take offers for love with full devotion. The idea is shown here: If I had taken one of them… What would happen to the other two?”

And then it clicks for everyone, as everyone reaches a collective understanding of what was going on, as they erupted into disorganised shouting, all in disbelief and shock. Even the witnesses were surprised themselves, when they realised what part they played in my statement. Even the Queen of Hearts was capable of understanding it, as her eyes were wide.

“Y-You couldn’t possibly mean…!” The Queen of Hearts exclaimed. “Are you saying that you would have caused heartbreak regardless of what you have done…!?”

“That’s right, Your Highness. Heart-break is like the Schrodinger’s Cat theorem. You may never know whether I am guilty of heart-break or not, unless the ones that I encountered have met each other, and pieced together the events.” I continue. “It’s simple enough when you take it from a certain angle. What if I took Valerie when we first met? If Clarice and Millie both knew that I would have come to them if I did not take her, and they would have had their chance to woo me into their embrace, is that not a certainty of heart-break for the both of them? The same goes for Millie and Clarice separately. No matter who I take in this case, I’ll be guilty of heartbreak from both past and future occurrences. I envy the males here, who are easily lulled into the first mamono they meet, for they will no longer be able to cause heartbreak. Because I was too devoted to true love, because I was too resistant to allurement and lust, I have locked myself into a eternal feedback of guilty verdicts. So my point is made, I’m guilty, because there is nothing, not even the gods, that can change my verdict at all, now that the final nail to the coffin has been made.”

The Queen of Hearts was silent, as she then realised that I was a designated criminal from the start, and that, save for actually rigging the court itself, there is nothing that she could do to let me NOT being guilty. The fact that she knows I’m guilty, means that I don’t feel bad for admitting that I screwed up big-time, by bouncing between girls. Even the court went silent, and the three witnesses?

They looked at me with genuinely surprised and shocked expressions, as Valerie looked like that she was going to break into tears, that I was going to get punished for something that was never in my hands, Millie actually woke up, as she looked fairly down, and Clarice herself, looked fairly pained in her expression, as I could barely notice that she was biting the bottom lip, as if holding something back.

“…So you basically say that you are causing heartbreak for the victims by merely existing before them…” The Queen of Hearts stated, before she then tapped her sceptre from the table. “For the first time, I have a guilty verdict, but I don’t even know how to properly punish you. You’re not fitting for the death penalty, you cared for the victims genuinely, and you had no ill intentions… And if I just give you the standard sentence, I’ll just make you end up back in court by the law… How am I supposed to deal with this…?”

“Then if I may make one final request, Your Highness.” I state. “I have an alternative sentence that can ensure that this matter is resolved as cleanly as possible.”

“At this point, whatever you have in mind, will be better than letting me agonise on how to punish you.” The Queen of Hearts stated. “Fine then, state your own sentence, but don’t expect innocence to be accepted.”

“I volunteer to take the hands of all three victims.” Richard stated. “My sentence is to take well care of them, for the heartbreak I caused. Since these three are the only people that I truly can be blamed for the heart-break of, if I taken all three of them, then the loop of condemnation ends there, because I’ve tied up the loose ends that I have left. I came to Wonderland for a wife, and I am willing to accept polyamory, if it will ensure that this matter is resolved. It’s not frowned upon in this land, right, your Highness?”

“No it isn’t… Fine, we’ll see what the jury has to say. Cast your votes on whether you accept the condemned’s appeal for an alternative sentence.” The Queen of Hearts declared, before the jury took a brief moment, before they then rose their signs, indicating a large majority of the mamono jury accepted my appeal. “A majority… Hmph, as to be expected. But the second matter is left to the victims themselves: Do you intend to take Cade Trigmeton as your shared husband?”

“I accept, it’s better than letting him go…” Valerie agreed.

“Yep…” Millie muttered in her sleep.

“I could never let Dearie end up being thrown into such a terrible mess.” Clarice added. “I accept. Besides, it’s not much different to the tea-parties I throw, except it’s more personal.”

“Then it is settled. Cade Trigmeton, you are sentenced to be in the combined custody of Valerie Milshire, Millie Greentea, and Clarice Mellevere. You are to treat them fairly, under the threat of torture. May your future lovers be able to co-exist in martial bliss with you, and in understanding with each other.” The Queen of Hearts finally declared my verdict, as she slammed her sceptre against the table.

Soon enough, everyone was escorted out of the garden court, as I was escorted by the Trumpart from before.

“I will admit, that what you have pulled off, was a remarkable feat indeed.” The Trumpart stated. “Not many people are capable of being able to remain in the Queen’s court, when their verdict is already apparent, much less be able to drive her into a legal stalemate. I suppose that this ended as you intended?”

“I was afraid that I would be subject to unspeakable torture or execution if I did not make an argument to prove that I’m not guilty because it was by my volition.” I answer back. “All I merely wanted, is to show that I cared for them. I may have rejected them momentarily, but I would have returned to make my choice… To be honest, I believe that this trial was pointless, because I was caught far too early before I could have made my decision.”

“Funnily enough, I agree.” The Trumpart guard returns back with a faint chuckle.

The Trumpart then takes me to where my future wifes are, as they seemed to be fairly fine with each other, and they all looked at me.

“Hey… Looks like this at least ended well for all parties involved.” I chuckle weakly in a bitter manner. “Still…”

“I… I never thought that you actually did really love me… You just couldn’t make your mind…” Valerie stated, before she then hugged me in her fluffy embrace. “But now that we’re all together… We can all be happy and get what we all want.”

“Let’s all have fun… together…” Millie mumbled in her sleep, having fallen back into her lucid state after a while.

“I’m glad that you forgiven me, the both of you…” I respond back with a moved tone, before turning to Clarice. “Clarice…”

“Don’t. I guess I should take some blame for blowing the whistle on you in the first place…” Clarice admitted. “I guess I misunderstood you too quickly. I knew that the Queen would have forced me to take me, since I was the most grieved by the ‘heartbreak’ out of all of us, but I guess that if you love the other two so much, may as well make it a good family with all of us. I’ll keep Valerie and Millie in touch, since I have experience with dealing with their type. All you need to do, is ensure that you care for us all.”

“…That would be all I ask for. Thank you… All of you.” I smile back, as we make our way to Clarice’s house, which is likely the only place large enough to house the four of us.

And that was how I ended up becoming a lover for a March Hare, a Dormouse, a Mad Hatter, all because of quick wits, and some proper understanding of the Wonderland court.