Talk:Dragon/@comment-25204624-20150312034911/@comment-26219553-20150319122339

Having lost the element of surprise, I level my crossbow at her chest and fire, before casting it aside- I know one arrow's not going to cut it, and reloading will take too long, but it's a useful distraction. As she effortlessly sidesteps it, I roll to her right flank and hurl my dagger at the back of her head.

It hits hilt-first, making an almost-cartoonish "bonk" as it bounces off her and merely causes her to smile as if watching a child playing war games. In retrospect, I wonder why I thought reading about heroes doing that kind of thing in the books I read as a kid would be enough to overpower the laws of physics and 50/50 chance.

Shit... all I have now is my sword, but if I get into melee range with her, I'm fucked. Literally. Suddenly, in a flash of inspiration/idiocy, I remember that she wants me alive at the end of this, so I hold my sword up to my neck, saying, "FREEZE! OR THE MAN GETS IT!"

Okay, it was probably idiocy, not inspiration. Seeing this odd display, the dragon simply tuts, strides over, wrenches my sword away, dope slaps me, tells me that I'd better not do anything this dumb when we're married (even if it is kind of adorable), then hauls me over her shoulder easily and carries me off to our honeymoon.