User blog comment:PrinceLolipop/Prince Lolipop in "It's Not Gay If It's A Futa, Right?"/@comment-25817038-20160217055439

*Post-posting note - OH MY FUCKING GOD, I almost lost this entire post due to forgetting to copy/refresh the page after typing it! Oh my god I would have probably thrown my computer out the window if that happened*



That... That was.... That was fucking HOT. I'm a total sucker for blowjob scenes so this one was 10/10 for me, even if it was something I didn't think at first I'd enjoy reading. But still, holy shit, I was hesitating to add the MC sucking off the futa hellhound but after reading this.... Damn I may have to do another one.

Now onto the topic of formatting and general body structure, I hope you don't mind me giving you some pointers to help you with your writing. I mean no ill intent with it by any means, but I did notice some simple things that you may want to go back and re-edit into this for practice.

First is that every time someone new speaks, ie your Princess, or the Dullahan, you need some sort of descriptive sentence to go with it that helps identify who is talking. Something like this:

'“Well, you told ''me to give her the royal treatment.” I say, the lingering taste of the hellhound's enormous girth still clinging to my taste buds. It wasn't unpleasant per say, but I had to admit, my wife's pussy juices after having her cum from my tongue tasted far better.'''

'''My wife, for that matter, is hardly as composed, blurting out in response, “We thought you were going to start fucking her! N-not that watching my husband giving someone a blowjob wasn’t one of the most amazing things I’ve seen, but. . . wow. I had no idea you’d be willing to do that.”'''

'''“Well..." I start, wiping away the mixture of my drool and the hellhound's precum that had escaped through the corners of my mouth during my servicing of her, "You girls do it all the time to me. I don’t see why I should demand you to do something I wouldn’t be willing to do.”'''

'''“. . . I love you so much.” My wife blankly proclaims with a flat tone through a shocked-blank face, with cheeks as red as red as the hellhound's own.'''

See how adding extra detail to specify who's speaking makes it easier to transition between people? It's something my teacher taught me after reading one of my short stories I wrote for a project that involved multiple people.

Second, and this is just me being a gluttenous pervert... but more detail in the blowjob scene would have been what made this an 11/10. I'm not gonna lie, the idea of a guy giving a futa-hellhound a blowjob didn't appeal to me at first, but by time I was done reading it, I was like, "Oh... Oh god, am I going gay? I want to read more! Does this make me gay that I want to read more of him deepthroating her gargantuan junk? It does? Well fuck it that's fine, I wanna read more!"

Humor aside, the point is, extra detail is always good, but obviously don't go into Stephen King territory if it isn't completely necessary. Proofread through your work once or twice, add a few more details each time. You'll find that you missed a few details here or there, and that your finished product after the 2nd or 3rd pass is much, much better than the original first you wrote up.

Now, when I say 'completely necessary' that is of course, entirely subject to your preferences. Whether or not you want to add more detail to sex scenes is up to you, but I advise putting a bit more emphasis on detail where you think your audience is going to pay the most attention. I for one, heavily prioritize the sex scenes. Why? I know people come here for hot, sexy, horny monstergirls that love the D, so I make damn sure they get a good and detailed scene involving just that. The rest of my work gets plenty of detail, but I do admittedly abide by a general rule of sex scenes: if it isn't downright fappable, I didn't do it right. An extra look through the scene makes sure I got

Aside from this, it was a good read. Some descent detail, a pretty good blowjob scene, and some humor with a good ending. Can't ask for more than that, so this was definitely good.