User blog:Party Vanderbilt/Party's What Do Wonders - Kakuen Edition

In response to a "What Do You Do" scenario posted by Idontknowhowtofeelboutthat on the Kakuen page. Text above the break is the original "What Do" scenario, reposted for convenience. And apologies for any substandard work. It's been a while.

You're on a trip with your friends to a nice jungle-infested island with plenty of trails to explore. While your friends are at clubs and bars, you decide to take a break from everything and take a walk through a tiny jungle crawling with wildlife. You take a break to eat your sandwich and perch on a rock. The chirps of birds are extremely soothing, allowing you to close your eyes and enjoy the foresty smell and caws of exotic birds, maybe even some harpies, around you. An expression of shock and confusion fills your face when you notice your sandwich is gone. You hear the lustful giggling of a girl nearby and get a bit suspicious. Without warning, something comes flying down and lands on your legs. Your face is met with two large mammaries, barely covered with specks of fur. "Hi, mister!" That same bouncy but lustful voice is back in your ears, this time accompanied with a person. You see a tall, curvaceous kakuen mamano swaying her large hips in front of you. "Is it okay if I eat your sandwich?"

WWYD?

As my wide-eyed face slowly moves up from the bouncy boobs in front of me to the face attached to them, I can't help but audibly gulp. Why? Because I distinctly heard this slightly furry girl that is clearly a vicious monster say that she wanted to eat my "hand, which..."

Which what?! What did it do?! WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON?! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!! My heart pounds and I start looking everywhere, anywhere, for some manner of escape! I squirm! I pull! Alas, but I am pinned, trapped beneath the cruel demon that has taken up residence on my lap...

The girl, seemingly oblivious to my panic, quickly gobbles down my lunch, leaving her face smeared in peanut butter and grape jelly. Not the spooky demonic horror type of grapes, mind. Just regular grape. With a happy, "Nyam, nyam, nyam," the fuzzy horror wipes the smears off in streaks; each time sticking a PB&J-coated finger into her mouth with a happy hum.

It's at that point that true terror makes itself known, for the beast, having finished her appetizer and clearly ready to begin the real feast, *proceeds to wipe a smear of the concoction on my nose!* Basting! She's basting me! And what's worse, she promptly leans in and licks the mixture off, clearly needing to conduct a taste test.

To make matters worse than worse, it's at that point that I spot the long, brown snake wriggling around in the air behind her! It's bad enough to be eaten; I don't want to be snake-bitten as well! I can't help but scream as my hand reflexively darts out to grab the serpent, and the beast astride my lap can't help but snap her head around to follow my sudden motion. Clearly the sight of the serpent terrifies her as well because as my hand closes around the snake and tugs, her eyes expand to the size of dinner plates, she lets out an ear-splitting "Kyaaaaaaaaa!!!," and she hops back off of my lap, landing on her bottom (and the snake) with a thud!

She and the snake both appear to be stunned from the fall, and I take this as my opportunity to flee! I dash off into the jungle, crashing through the brush like a beast myself! No tree is too wide to dart around and no vine is too strong to tear through, as I hear the loud screech of an enraged ape somewhere behind!

I duck branches; I leap pits; I slide under rocky outcrop- Wait, rocky outcroppings?!

I realize, far too late, that I am running off a cliff. As I drop towards the ground, I close my eyes and make peace with my God, for I know the end is close. I tune out the sound above of a monkey shrieking itself silly as it, too, runs off the cliff...

"Baaaaka." Bonk. "Baaaaka." Bonk. "Baaaaka." Bonk. "Baaaaka." Bonk.

I wake up to the sensation of a monkey-girl sitting on my back, bopping me repeatedly on the head with one hand and gently cradling her roughly abused tail as we hang; suspended in the pile of uncommonly strong, yet stretchy, vines that we landed in.