Thread:Breakaway Republic/@comment-24664052-20160601010001

I’m writing this story, but for now I can’t work on it yet. Real-life commitments, a nd I'll also have to read Crying Wolf's latest update. , but I made this readable for you.

Tell me what you think about it, and how I can improve it. I somehow feel that the beginning is inadequate, but whatever it is (my intuition tells me that I haven't made the Queen of Hearts more of a bitch without sacrificing her heart of gold), I don’t have the time now to fix it. But possibly after making myself sure of my job, hopefully you can point it out and I would be able to improve it. P.S. Please don’t show this to anyone yet.  