Thread:Parzival12/@comment-25808351-20160210030748/@comment-25808351-20160210033708

So far I like it, it is a good start. You could break all that up into two chapters. I recommend just glancing over it once more. I only saw two minor errors where you didn't put a space in between a period and the start of a new sentence. The only other thing is that certain paragraphs were just pure character dialogue and there was no definitive way to tell which character was speaking.

Again, minor things. Overall it's a good setup and the end is very suspenseful. One in our group is just snatched up and group spends the night wide awake. Very nice. My only recommendation is to maybe flesh out the soldier guys. Right now their rather faceless and uninteresting. Sense it's the beginning its not a big deal, but as you progress the story maybe give them a bit more definition.