Board Thread:Fan-made Monsters/@comment-28718853-20160807171230/@comment-27013478-20161120004104

'Family: Robotic

Habitat: Abandoned Laboratory

Diet: Omnivorous (prefers meat), Spirit Energy

Disposition: Sadistic, Violent, Bold'

Blaster. Time to get my sadism rollin' and blast this bitch with a review. I'm gonna regret writing this later.

'Blasters are cyborg-type girls who have a love for explosions.'

Alright, 10/10, would love fer lif.

' They are equipped with explosive-type weaponry such as grenades and cannons and will use them to dish out lots of damage.'

http://pre09.deviantart.net/6115/th/pre/f/2013/032/d/c/love_explosion_by_alexanderloginov-d5tg4og.jpg ^This describes my reaction to them at this point.

' They are capable of switching their weapon hands into regular hands. Before they were affected by Demonic Energy, they were troops designed for taking out heavy threats and demolition missions. Like Athenas, these explosive-loving mamono started out in a secret lab and were experimented on as humans. When Demonic Energy enveloped the lab, they escaped and their objectives became about finding a man and making him their husband. Their weapons also changed to Demon Silver to aid them of catching a man. Their mechanics will also have ajusted to allow for sexual intercourse.'

Alright, basic stuff, not much to say. So I won't say anything. Man, it's nice when you don't have the inspiration to make jokes about everything.

'Blasters are capable of turning their feet into tank tracks and have boosters on their backs that allow them to travel at high speeds. Blasters also have the ability to transform into a powerful tank capable of withstanding lots of damage as well as dealing lots of damage.'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0wcmfKwPzw This explains it pretty well. But damn, tank waifu, that's something ne-wait...no, there was that visual novel... Well damn, there goes my joke.

'When they find a man, they will use their weapons to blow up any means of escape for him.'

"Hahaha, you'll never catch me before I escape from this cave." Blows up the cave opening. "Well shit."

"Hahaha, you'll never catch me before I escape through this open field." Nukes the open field "Alrighty then, I give up."

' If the man is trying to escape a cave, then the Blaster will use her explosives in a way that causes the exit to collapse into rubble. If he's hiding in a castle, then the Blaster will blow away the walls to get to her man. Once they are certain that their target has no chance of escape, then they will proceed to rush him and rape him.'

"Haha, Cyka Blyat, Rush D!" "Fucking Russian Blasters."

' At this point, the Blaster will consider the man her husband and will happily offer him a ride to his house for celebration. When that is finished, the Blaster will see herself as the man's companion as well as his wife.'

"Aw shit, you caught me, guess I'll have to resign to a shattered pelvis..." "I'll give you a ride home after we're done, husband." "...Ok then, this is not so bad."

'In her tank form, she can be piloted by her husband, though sometimes she will take control if she feels that he is doing something wrong.'

...And here I was hoping to go full Bastion one everyone's asses.

' Despite this, the Blaster will see this as a lovely bonding time with her husband. If they get attacked by hostiles, then the Blaster will simply blow them away with explosions of demonic energy.'

Well, ain't that nice, bonding with your girl by driving her around and crushing everything in your path. Really like this one.

'Like Athenas, the Blaster's main source of energy will come from the man's spirit energy, and they can conserve it for up to a month. If they didn't have sex for that period of time, then the Blaster will become tired, and the man will have to copulate with her to have her energized again.'

>Not copulating with tank waifu that blows your foes up. Sheesh, what's wrong with people these days.

'Despite the Blaster's awesome power, she also suffers from a pair of glitches.'

Shit, better call the dev team and annoy them until they fix 'em. Oh wait...nvm.

' One of these glitches involves her going completely crazy and firing her explosives at everything around her, including her husband.'

http://orcz.com/images/thumb/4/40/BindingofIsaacRebirthPyromaniac2.jpg/400px-BindingofIsaacRebirthPyromaniac2.jpg Where are my passive items when I need them... Oh right, RNGesus fucked me over.

' They seem to go just as crazy when they are near a castle, and will try to blow it to bits, even if it's abandoned. This glitch can last for about five minutes. These explosions consist of DE Silver, but it is still advised to try to get to a safe location if this happens.'

"Oh dear, what a beautiful day it is!" "It really is...hey look, a castle!" "Wait what...time to fuck shit up." "Oh god damnit, not again. Better find my safety cap."

' The other glitch will involve the Blaster suddenly becoming drowned in so much pleasure that her power core will activate, and she will initiate a thirty second countdown to an explosion that will saturate the surrounding area in demonic energy. During this time, anyone within the vicinity should get to a safe distance if they can. When the Blaster's countdown reaches zero, then her power core will unleash an explosion so powerful that it can cover entire cities.'

Hah, instant debauchery bomb, I like it. Sounds like it'll be a lot of fun.

'When the blast is over, the Blaster can be found unconcious at the center of the blast. When she awakens, all of the pleasure she experienced during that glitch will have dissipated. However, the demonic energy produced from the explosion will linger in that area for about a year.'

At least it isn't a nuclear bomb kind of deal, else it'd be a long time to wait.

'It is unknown why or how these glitches occur. It could stem from how her original purpose was to destroy buildings and other structures as well as dangerous threats. Her power core originally had the ability to self-destruct, which would destroy both it and her.'

Well, war machines will be war machines, the saying goes. Can't change that. But hey, If I wanted a waifu that self destructs, I might as well get into some Electrode porn.

' However, the recent demonic energy affecting her seems to have altered how her power core functions, instead lathering nearby areas in pleasure.'

>instead lathering nearby areas in pleasure. Peeps can live with that, hopefully. I mean, who doesn't like a tad bit of pleasure from time to time...or for an entire year...

Anyways, I'd give this one a solid 8/10 Plane. It's not like this opinion is biased because of my love for explosions or anything like that.