Board Thread:What Would You Do?/@comment-99.184.74.157-20190507061458/@comment-39373469-20190509081459

I've been ready for this day since my daddy gave me my first assault rifle at the age of 5. I slam the last of my beer, stand up from my chair on the porch, 12-gauge in my hand, and call out to my old lady.

"Betty Jean, they're finally coming for us baby! Grab the kids and the guns and get to the truck, we're gonna show these carpetbaggers they picked the wrong state to mess with." This was it. This is what the Second Amendment was for, and all those pussies in the blue states would be thanking us for saving their pansy asses after the shit hit the fan. Luckily I already had my sturdy work boots on.

I whistle between my fingers and my old hound dog Duke comes a runnin', salivating at the chance to rip the throats out of any trespassers foolish enough to threaten my family. I run to my pickup truck and throw the shotgun on the dash since the gun rack behind the seat is already full of assault rifles. For protection. I throw on my well-worn hat with the Texas state outline, fire up the engine, and power slide to the front door.

Betty Jean and our two blueberry demon daughters fly out of the house with backpacks full of the guns we keep as our god-given right for self defense. They pile in the cab and Duke hops in the back. I smile as I see my wife and daughters already loading the weapons with a smoothness and ease born of experience. Of course we had family hunting trips and birthdays at the gun range since they were old enough to hold a sidearm.

I floor it and the back wheels throw gravel as we tear out onto the main road. I meet up with some of the boys on the way, and soon we have a convoy of pickup trucks loaded with fully armed, freedom loving Americans racing for the border. Big Joe Peterson's minotaur wife was too big for his cabin, and stood in the back slapping the roof as if spurring a horse to go faster.

Before long we arrived at the point of incursion. A veritable army of steely-eyed, gun toting Texans had assembled ready to defend their land to the death. America and Texas state flags flap in the wind and country music blares from every corner of the camp. BBQs are fired up smoking ribs and brisket and men in cowboy hats and jeans chug beers while girls in daisy dukes and tank tops dance in the backs of pickup trucks. Camo-clad men with more rifles than hands patrol the perimeter and gangs of bearded outlaw bikers with "1%" patches thunder through the crowds. Large burly men in dusty overalls from the deep country spit tabacco and stroke their guns in anticipation. The sound of shots fired into the air punctuates the jubilant noise of the scene. Freedom would win this day.

When the Order finally gets the balls to advanced they are met by a hail of bullets like hellfire and a storm of taunts, hoots and hollars that stop them dead in their tracks. I fire an AR from each hip, every shot dropping an Order soldier, and Betty Jean does the same with two Desert Eagles. Our daughters alternately advance and lay down suppressing fire just like I taught them for scenarios when the government tries to take your land.

In contrast the Order can't hit the broad side of a barn. We move forward with impunity, dodging bullets like a liberal dodges personal accountability. Justice is on our side. Before the night is over we hand them their collective asses, and the survivors scurry like cockraoches after a light is turned on.

We make it all the way to their commander, a fat wounded man hurling curses and threats at all mamono within earshot. Me and the fellas stride up to that fat sack of steer manure and smugly tell him it looks like he picked the wrong boys to tangle with. Next time maybe attack Connecticut first.

He is red with anger, spitting barely coherent thoughts. Finally he says, "God will see that you and your monster whores burn in the end! What will you say to your maker when that time comes?"

I think about it, then pull back the hammer on my vintage Colt .45 revolver and press it to his forehead.

"God bless America."