Board Thread:What Would You Do?/@comment-35898511-20180718044425/@comment-33398500-20180725035303

Sitting in this small, dreary cell, I continued to wonder why I was even here: before they brought me in, it didn’t seem like I’d even done anything. I’d been wandering the area fairly close to a town when I’d turned down several propositions from various mamono I encountered. I mean, what would you do if a random mamono you literally just met started talking about what we should name our daughters!?

However, from the response that met me later, I would have thought I’d tried to murder their queen or something... Now I was being led from my cell by a rather angry-looking Trumpart to a grandiose courtroom, surrounded by benches upon benches of observers: guys and mamono, though the guys looking just as hateful of me as the mamono glowering at me while I advanced to a table on the side of a small podium. It looked almost like a war crimes trial rather than a simple misconduct (or whatever it was classified as).

At the heart of the courtroom was what appeared to be a little girl in some manner of royal attire, glaring across at me as I stepped over to the podium, the rest of the courtroom sitting down as she stared across at me. “Your name is Victor, yes? You have so far refused to give your last name to my guards...”

Speaking as soon as she finished, I stated “If you refer to your guards attempting to force themselves on me last night, then of course I-“

“Answer the question!” She blurted abruptly, the court beginning to jeer toward me.

“Yes, that is my name.” I then responded to her, deciding to move that part along.

“Victor, you stand accused of the crime of 1st degree mamono heartbreak... several counts, in fact... are you aware this is a crime potentially punishable by execution?” she then asked, her angry expression changing to a smile, looking as if she would greatly enjoy watching me be killed, or whatever it was ‘execution’ meant around here.

“I was not aware not wanting to be raped was even a crime...” I started, before she started loudly banging her gavel on the podium she was sitting at.

“Quiet! Quiet! You come to our realm, break our laws at will, then have the AUDACITY to try to claim the moral high ground?! You already admitted to your criminal actions, that would be enough for me to sentence you right now!” she declared, even though I’d admitted nothing in truth, flailing her arms during her spiel. “...any more obscenities from you will result in immediate sentencing!”

I knew, however, that the entirety of the trial was a farce: that she would use whatever excuse was necessary to sentence me to whatever absurdity she had in mind. “I call the first witness!” she then declared, a march hare hopping up to the witness stand, not even trying to face me at the moment. “I know it might be hard, miss, but please tell us everything that happened...”

“O-okay...” the normally cheerful march hare stammered “W-well... I was just hopping along like normal, minding my own business, when I see... him... walking through the field looking lost... I came along and greeted him, and he dismissed me outright!” (What the QoH hears/what the march hare meant: ‘I was hopping along like normal, looking for a husband, when I saw a perfect guy for it! I go over to him and declare my intent to have kids, and he rejected me!’)

“I see... That is all we’ll need, my dear...” the Queen told her, sympathetic, before turning to me, her anger immediately returning “...so does the condemned have anything to say to that?”

“Condemned!? I haven’t been found-“ I started, indignant.

“Quiet!” she interrupted, again smashing her gavel against the podium.

“You’re just making it woooorse~” a voice cooed toward me from the stands, before she declared “I say he wasted his rebuttal! Next witness!” a mad hatter rising from the benches behind me, carrying a sleeping dormouse with her, swaying her hips provocatively as she walked past, with me now averting my gaze toward the ceiling.

“Any more indecencies like that and you’ll also be found in contempt of this court!” the Queen declared from the stand, the trumpart guarding me now stepping over and grabbing my head, forcing it back to gaze upon the hatter’s swaying hips.

“If it would please her highness, we will both give our witness testimony as one right now... given the present situation...” the otherwise-elegant hatter then stated, still holding the sleeping dormouse. She was allowed to SLEEP in court!?

“Very well. Bailiff will ensure what the witness says is accurately conveyed!” before a trumpart from the side of the courtroom moved over to the two of them, “...now, miss, if you would...” the queen invited.

“Certainly, your highness.” The hatter began “...now, I will inform you I was witness to both the incident with the lovely March Hare that just testified, as well the second incident with the sweet girl in my arms now... How does one just reject such loving offers?” she then asked toward me, though continued to describe the incidents with both the March Hare, and the occasion where I simply walked past a sleeping dormouse without seeking to do anything to her...

“Okay, that one I didn’t even do ANY-“ I started.

“Objection.” The hatter stated herself.

“Sustained. Not. Another. Word. From. You. Unless. Called. Upon.” The Queen responded.

After another twenty minutes or so describing the other two incidents where I managed to evade a Jubjub ambush, as well as rejecting the ‘merciful’ offer of ‘settlement outside of capture’ by the arresting Trumpart.

“...so...” the Queen now started toward me “You not only reject the love of the sweet jubjub you met... but you ALSO preferred CAPTURE and IMPRISONMENT to ANY attempt at love!?” as I was silent, she groaned “...I call on the accused to speak!” she continued.

Finally feeling as if my mouth had been unglued from a forced silence, I started “You and I CLEARLY have different definitions of love!” I retorted without answering her question, to the general ire of the crowd all around the building.

“It is clear to me that you are beyond saving. You not only committed these crimes against Wonderland, but you are wholly unrepentant, even attempting to question the entire way things work here!” the Queen of Hearts summarized, the general aura of ‘kill him’ seemed to radiate from the entire courtroom.

I was still silent, again forced to silence before her final statements. “I find you guilty of all counts, as well as in contempt of court, and disrespecting not only our world, but the Queen herself!” now pausing a moment before declaring her sentence “You are sentenced to... accept your first offer made, as well as any other offer to be placed under my discretion! You will be escorted to your new home, where our first witness will take custody of you!”

Blinking, I looked up at her, still trying to figure out if she was being serious... as punishment for my supposed crimes, she was going to FORCE me to accept the first mamono that had propositioned me: the March Hare who had first appeared on the stand, as well as ‘any other offer placed at her discretion’. “May your new loves be more merciful than I would be!” she declared, before giving a final whack of her gavel and standing up, now being carried off by a group of trumparts, with a very amused expression on her face.

As I was escorted from the courthouse by a group now composed of a full half-dozen trumparts, I saw them bring me to the March Hare that had been called as a witness. “Miss Kaitlyn... you are to be taking custody of this... man... if you are still accepting of him, that is...” the one in front of me told her.

However, far from the stammering mess she had been earlier, she looked past the trumpart and beamed at me, blushing now “Of course! I’ll forgive hubby for being so shy! After all, he’s got LOTS and LOTS of time to make it up to me!” she continued with a giggle, as the two of us were now brought, under full escort, to what looked to be some manner of school designed by Willy Wonka. Or at least, that’s what it had looked like.

“Welcome home, lovebirds~” the trumpart directly behind us cooed, clearly NOT Kaitlyn’s house. “Please remember to share~” she continued, before pushing me in along with my new wife.

It was as soon as we were past the door that the full extent of what happened was made clear. “HE GOT HERE!!” a general clamour had ensued as I turned my head, noticing that it wasn’t actually a school, but a large house with a cavernous main room that seemed to fill up with a large group of March Hares, seeming to emerge from every room once it was declared we’d arrived.

My eyes widened as I realized just what ‘any other offer’ had meant. “The Queen was so nice!” Kaitlyn spoke excitedly from beside me “...she even let us live here so we can all teach you how to love! Isn’t that great!?”

“Ummm... certainly... I’m just gonna (get more ‘comfortable’)...” I started, before she started pulling at my clothes, joined by several other pairs of hands.

“Not necessary, darling! We can undress you a lot faster!” she declared happily, distorting my words just as she had when we first met. “...after all, we’ve gotta teach you how to love as quickly as possible!” I wasn’t even sure if there was furniture in this room: all I could see was bodies and fluff as I was swiftly overwhelmed by what was apparently my new wives.

Who knew breaking the law here would give you a harem!?