Board Thread:What Would You Do?/@comment-27303410-20180102005056/@comment-30700719-20180102022859

I nod. "Yeah, alright. Don't go into the basement, that's a decoy. Instead, go to the pantry and take a nice, good tug on the box of peppermint candies. Then step inside and pull it closed behind you. Here." I step through to the kitchen and pull open the junk drawer. Fumbling around, I find a small flashlight, more of a bunch of LEDs on a stick than an actually decent 'handheld darkness eliminator'. "Here, take this. It gets pretty dark, what with being air-sealed and soundproofed and all that." Leroy takes the flashlight and nods. He and Beatrice disappear into the pantry, followed by the unmistakable sound of stone on metal. "By the way, you might want to stir up the air tanks, they're right by the do-" It slams shut, and I sigh. "Well, that's the last line of defense. Now to set up some more."

About eight minutes later, my door slams open, and a very agitated Salamander bursts in, yelling, "WHERE THE-" She gets cut off at the sight of an impossibly large collection cardboard boxes, filling up the room like a cardboard flood. For the finishing touch, they weren't even neatly stacked! I crouched from my hiding spot and slightly snickered as I heard her exclaim "The fuck did all these boxes come from?!" She took out her weapon of choice, a wakizashi, and begins to wreak havoc on the sea of cardboard. I reach out and grab one of the extra-large balloons I filled with water and lob it backwards with two hands. "WHO FUCKING THREW THAT?" Stage 2 was started. I threw another one, and this one landed right on the boxes in front of her, turning them into sludge as the cardboard melted. She frantically tried shaking it off her sword, then reached down and brushed it off easily. She swung again—and the exact thing happened again. She cleaned her sawed-off katana one more time & shoved it into its sheath, instead ripping the boxes apart with her scaly hands. I picked up another balloon and threw it behind me. If I was right...I heard the sizzle of water on fire and the furious expletives of a very angry Salamander. I rubbed my hands together, threw the last balloon, and whispered into my phone, "Google, play me "Erectin' a River". EVERYWHERE."

The infernal music spouts from every speaker in the house, and the Salamander practically bolts out the door. I turn off the music and open up the bunker door. "You can come out now." I hear a faint pause, then a sharp intake of breath and a moan. "Son of a—"