Board Thread:What Would You Do?/@comment-28718853-20190103142337/@comment-36855838-20190108155220

Wintermage wrote: He writhes in his bods. "So this is how you usurp the thone! With" spits "mercy" his voice drips sarcasm.

She loos down at him, "Call it what you will,you only get this chance."

"Your incapable, the Dark Queen will devour us now. So...since madness is what you seek...let the March Hares let ad the way. I'll see you there when tney make you one of them."

She grinned cruelly, put her Princess golden shoe on his shoulder and pushed him into the pit.

"Enjoy!" She cried.

Six months later in Wonderland she begged but by then her brother wa too far in love to notice her being turned.

He writhes in his bods. (I assume you meant "bonds")

"So this is how you usurp the thone! With-" *spits* "-'mercy.'"

She loos down at him, []

"Your incapable, the dark queen. . ."

(Your is possessive, you have stated that your sister owns something or is somehow connected directly to something which is referred to strictly as the dark queen, which is incapable of something which goes unsaid. However, the comma and sentence structure indicates that the spelling you're, which is a contraction of you-are, was intended instead.)

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Aside from those, sentence structure is pretty solid, but wonderland spreading to the normal world seems odd, also, what is she begging for, a couple rounds?