User blog:Party Vanderbilt/Party's What Do Wonders - Kikimora Edition

Archived from the Kikimora page, originally in response to a "What Do You Do" scenario posted by Nola19, presented here in mostly unedited form:

' "When will you meet a nice girl?!" Your mother asks as you vist your family. Your dad is out leaving you and your mother and your mother is going on her typical speech on how you need a good girl so you can have kids and so on. You do your best to ignore her but then your father came in with a Kikimora in he's arms, bridal style. "Hey! Look what I found!" Your dad says excitedly as she sets her down. "I meet this girl on the street so I decided to hire her!"

"Honey!" Your mother snaps at your father, "We don't need a maid!"

"Oh no! Not for us! But for our son!" He says as he shoves you close to the Kikimora who blushes lightly.

What do you do?'

Mind boggled, I stare at her for a moment, one eye-brow raised. As I start to figure out what's going on, I straighten my face, then turn to my parents.

"Mom, Dad, I know this is going to come as a shock to you, but..."

At this point, I make with the dramatics. I look down and to the side, squeezing my eyes shut tight. I strain my face, trying to make it flush, and bite my knuckle (for t3h dramatic effect). I look back to my parents and say, quite proudly, "I'm gay."

I immediately turn, snap my fingers, and walk out with a swish, one hand on my hip. I leave behind me a completely flabbergasted set of parents and one highly-confused kikimora. Oooooh snap!

Of course, within the hour I'm down at the bar pickin' up all t3h ladies and throwing Pop's hard-earned money away, as usual.