Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-26380985-20150723010538/@comment-26115871-20150918002206

Now, there are many things that I am not. I am not some sort of wizard who can make gods bow at my command. I am not a knight in shining armor who can leap in to the action and slaughter my way to victory, no matter the odds. Nor am I a king who has a legion at his command.

I am a thief. I quickly begin following the buff men/ogre hybrids, who are too cocky to notice as I sneak up from behind. But I need an escape route, and upon looking to my left I realize exactly where to go. I'll want to be as close to that route as I can be when I take my target.

Not much farther now. I'm careful to avoid an errant twig on the ground as I make my approach. Now the one holding the sword is casually throwing it up into the air and catching it on the way down. To my amusement and delight he misjudges a throw, sending it flying over his head and right behind him. He makes a casual attempt to correct it by putting a hand behind his back to catch it.

I immediately strike his hand with my trusty club, using all of my strength. He immediately releases quite a profane curse, but by the time his friends realize he didn't cut himself trying to catch the sword I'm already sprinting towards the nearby cave, sword in hand.

I just get inside when an arrow zips past my head, nearly clipping my cheek before it bounces off a nearby rock with a small shower of sparks. I wait only long enough to grab a torch off the wall, then make my way further into the cave with the blokes following in hot pursuit. By the time they reach the cave entrance, I'm gawking at the other end of the cave. It's a dead end.

"Looks like you didn't think this through."

I turn to find the men casually walking my way, weapons in hand. My response is a smirk as I beckon for them to come closer. I may be trapped, but that doesn't mean I'm helpless. One of the guys immediately stops, to my surprise, and casts a suspicious gaze around the cave, but all the others charge forwards - and begin releasing surprised curses as they find themselves getting stuck to something. It takes a cruel chuckle from a little bit above my head before the men realize exactly what I have done - and Charlotte the Arachne begins climbing down the wall, casually high-fiving me as she begins to slowly approach the men now trapped in her webbing.

Meanwhile I take the exit hidden in the shadows of the cave, and soon emerge above ground with my brand new sword in hand. Awesome, I got it! I wonder how much this could be sold for.

"Hey!"

A clawed, scaly hand grips my shoulder. I nearly piss myself when I realize the salamander's gotten down, and now I'm between her and her prized weapon. While I nearly prepare to fight, I'm surprised when I see the pleased smile on her face. "I knew you were headed after them, but I never thought that it was to get my sword back for me! Thank you very much!"

. . . yeah. Let's go with that. With a forced smile I hand her the weapon, to which she pets me on the head before taking the sword and testing it on a nearby tree - cutting a large gash in the tree that catches fire quickly from the strike. She gives me another thank you before walking away, at which point I decide I can breathe easily.

Well, at least it wasn't a total loss. I managed to swipe Charlotte's torch. But as I look at the torch I'm startled to realize Charlotte's outsmarted me: there's a single length of spider thread connected to the bottom of the torch, likely reaching all the way back into the cave.

"Oh come on! This kind of security for a torch!?"

I sigh as I hold it up above my head, and Charlotte reaches from behind me and grabs it out of my hand. "I've learned since our last encounter. You are liable to swipe anything."

With that she begins walking away, chuckling as I sulk away with absolutely nothing from the whole theft. Ah well, there's always next time.