Thread:AngryLance/@comment-37028137-20200128044919/@comment-37028137-20200611211933

Greetings Lance

Right this is a lot of material, so I'll actually start from the bottom first. In regards to KC's stance on the 'Futa Culture' I cannot in good conscience juidge someone else for their fetish; it's just not my cup of tea. So I will just not acknowledge it in my novel or Head Canon. That's the best I've got for that.

Now onto the main event. Well that is a long list of ladies you have there my friend. Thirteen in total from what I saw, and that is quite a large group of characters. It's ambitious certainly. My main concern remains how you will go about balancing each of the ladies in the context of a scene. You're going to have to be rather good at discriptive language to pull of scenes where all the ladies show up. It should be neat to see once you have your characters planned out in full just make sure you explore each of them equally.

Now for the ladies themselves. Going off the descriptions alone I think you could condence a few of these characters together into one to make them stronger from a story perspective and have them stand out better.

The Milfy Harpy and Meri's mother sound like they could fill the same role, plus in my mind it would be weird to have a mother of your lover in a Harem with you. Perhaps you could find her but show that she's already coupled off with some else and have the Harpy take over the motherly role and aspects. (Frankly I could make the same argument in Lina's favor because she's a Kikimora but I'll get to her in a bit.)

Irris the Hellhound, and The Stalking Ocelomeh, also feel very similar. They're 'tough girls'  who actually turn out to be sweet hearts when you get to know them better, if a little bit rough at the edges. Since you already have a wolf-like Mamono in your posse (Lina) I'd suggest you combine the two aforementioned ladies and ( The Hellhound and Ocelomeh) into a single character personality wise, and use the Ocelomeh physicality for the design, so as not to have too many wolf derived Mamono. And to let a less used girl shine for a change.

The Knightly Minotaur and the The Aspiring Salamander. Once again I get a very similar storyline tidal wave off these two. They're both Knights (or at least training to become one) They both seem high strung and erudite in their vernacular. --a very sophisticated and eloquent speaking knight-- So I think you'd have a hard time differentiating the two characters during dialogue because they sound so similar in terms of speaking. (Unless you go with: And then the Minotuar said - whatever)

Besides which you already have one Cow-centric Mamono in Meri, (I know you really like cows Lance...That came out wrong, ahem.) My point is maybe you should counterbalance with a different Mamono (Again, one that no one seems to use.) If you're looking for a Knight I'd suggest either the Living Armor or the Ochimusha --Nudge-Nudge--They're great girls and no one ever uses them in their writing! Plus your characters are already going to Zipangu anyways. (Again I would pick just one so as not to be over saturated in Knightly thees, and thys and thous and whatnot.)

The Fortune Telling Apophis and Meri's sister the Holstalamia: Eh not much to say here I read through the profile and simply put the Apophis sounds far more interesting than the Holstalamia. My advice cut the hybrid snake free.

The Shut-In Werebat Okay she has potential, give her allergies or something to go along with the drowsiness it makes more sense that way.

The Forgotten Lilim As the name implies forget about her Lance she's gone. More importantly considering you have a Harem to fill shouldn't you focus on less God-Like, stunning gorgeous, utterly gentle-hearted, compassionate beings...What was I saying again Lance? Eh must not have been important, moving on.

In all seriousness considering your large cast of characters and your own OC's power level I think a Lilim is just a bit too much power, to the point of intersecting the Superman Problem. So I might suggest the Ryu would be a better fit. Or what about a Wurm that's bookish and very refined, scholarly, and eloquent.

Well those are my suggestions let me know what you think.

Cheers,

The Weary TimeLord.