Board Thread:Fan-made Monsters/@comment-37315504-20181205235621/@comment-27950421-20181210163456

Alright, you asked what I thought and I don't think you're gonna like what I have to say. In the end of all of my profiles I have a part about criticism and what is and isn't good criticism. Well I follow my own rules. All of this is supposed to be useful criticism, but that doesn't mean that it's nice, so throw emotions in the garbage and start learning, then and only then can you git gud scrub. Hate the criticism if you want, but hate the need for it more. Now then...

It's overpowered to say the least... As fast as the fastest raptor and tough enough to tank shit from a Tyranno? Given what it's based off of, that's not really fitting at all. It feels like you were trying to make a suped up Tyranno rather than a megalosaur mamono.

We're dealing with an animal that's even smaller than an allosaurus here.

The part about them being older than the Tyranno is superfluous. So would the Allo I neglected to mention that for a reason. The family "Tyranno" just refers to the them being similar in body structure and is meant for ease of classification nothing more. They are all living in the present time so it doesn't matter. It's pretty clear that the Family/Type involved in mamono is a loose grouping as is or else a Kikimora wouldn't be classified as a dog.

I would have understood if you had based it off of Ark and made it a nocturnal predator that's super lazy during the day or something but as it stands the thing doesn't work very well.

In formatting and general writing style I have two main concerns,

1) having actual numerals and making numbered lists is generally poor writing. It doesn't flow very well and makes reading it choppy. You can also work in a bit better on how the different factors interact with one another if you write stuff out more.

2) "Why they are rare:

The reason why they are so rare is that in the times of the Former Demon Lord they were hunted for their scales to be turned into armor. This almost caused the race to go extinct, and be completely erased from all of history. Megallos have yet to recover from their almost extinction."

This is an issue for much of the same reason. I could give 3 examples of a better way to do this. There is no need have a separate, four word paragraph to explain what the last paragraph is about.

I suggest you read KCs official works and the fanmade works made by Lord of Snakes, Jeiel Yozama, and of course myself. Do not just read it as a fan, read it as a writer. Do not just look at what is said but how it is said, how the words are put together and how the concepts that are being written are put together. If you pay attention, you'll see that stuff is usually put in a repeatable sequence of information.