User blog comment:The Weary TimeLord/Memoir of a Dimension Hopping Madman: Love in the face of pain. Chapter 3./@comment-32042142-20200224202813

So, after all the times spend seeing you talking and asking about your story, I should give it a read and some feedback :

I barely know Doctor who, but from what I see, Nick seem to be extremly similar to the doctor, his outfit, the TARDIS, it feel more like I am reading a perfect copy of the Doctor from the show, than a character that suppose to be just of the same specie, but a whole different being. He have the same coat, the same cloth almost, the same 'doctor' nickname, the interior of the TARDIS seem kind of similar yet slightly different, and it's the exact same blue box, what a coincidence.

It's probably your style, but I tend to prefer when the dialogue are more indented with line break, etc... I don't know about the general opinion, if it's better or worse, but I would say it's clearly lacking here.

For exposition and introduction it's actually pretty good, but there is problems though :

I EXTREMLY discourage changing viewpoint while telling a story, you probably already know the three big main narrative (you seem to know what you are doing when writing, I d'ont think I am qualified to give you lessons), it seem you chose the first person narration, it's the most restrictive, so I understand your will to change it, but please don't...

With the narrator at the first person, he can only describe what he see/hear himself, like he was writing a dairy, so you can't describe events that occurs when he is not here, It seem you tried to do just do that in the first part of this chapter. A common mistake for beginner with first person narrative, they sometime forgot that they can't describe something the narrator didn't saw, especially when it was poorly used and it wasn't feeling like the narrator was the one talking, with his viewpoint.

But here it's not the case, you purposely change the narration style with the "  Else Where  ", so it looked at first like you played the card of changing the narrator because it's more convenient. (I saw it often in fan fiction, it kind of make sense, but I still consider it bad narration)

But you actually didn't, and that's where it's REALLY ackward, it's still telled from Nick perspective, the narrator is still talking and commenting like he was there, but he isn't... it's really weird...

I detected some difficulties with dialogues, for example the first line in this chapter here is quite the mess, I don't really know who is who, who's talking, just to take this one as an example.

I guess I will have to comment the main point of the story, and my biggest worry with it : The multiverse thing, the idea the characters will just explore other media, TV serie, etc... I really don't like those kind of concept, I understand the will to use different serie/media you liked and put them in your story, but it make no sense at all, if you just try to punch different universes with different tons and/or purpose together, you will end up with an incoherent mess.

I'm not good for talking about character personnality, but I noticed a slight problems, wich is not necessarily an incoherence. Dean mention that Nick is never late, however, the two other chapters tend to portray Nick as someone kind of messy and disorganised... It may be just me, I'm not good with character development.

So I'm going to keep reading and see where this is going.

(Sorry for the long comment)