Board Thread:What Would You Do?/@comment-31401828-20180522145310/@comment-34904368-20180523125258

I shrugged. Well, I did need that pineapple... so! I was not about to be beat this time. I watched the game show operators face as I tossed a ball through one hoop.

I got another ball.

Huh.

I took it, and tossed it in the basket at the very end. And almost lost my virginity. Apparently, they had a pit rigged to the floor where you were SUPPOSED to shoot. Ah, but where I was sitting? Noooooo.

I took my other two balls, and tossed one into the basket next to the previous one. A door opened, and I walked in.

Now according to the instructions, I had to use a... Pogo Stick.. jump on pillars... THINNER?! well, i was under the impression this was only mildly bothersome but WHEY, they outdid themselves.

I looked down, to see Jinkos, Hellhounds, Wurms, Bunyips, (hey hey) Manticores, and Sahuagins about ten metres under me. On the bright side, If I fell, there would be a soft landing.

On the other hand, for the rest of my life someone would be landing on my pelvis HARD while i was like bent over a table or something.

I took the pogo stick and prepared to jump. The first, say, ten? Seemed to be wide. At around twenty, it was risky. At thirty, I was womdering if it was legal.

By forty, I was trying to remember If i left the oven on, when I suddenly tipped forward and dropped, much to the delight of the Mamono underneath.

Well, sucked for them.

The top and bottom of the pogo stick had somehow balanced on the last pillar, about an inch long, and the end platform. One in a fucking million. I was actually more thankful that I didn’t fall and end up with one of those pillars going up my ass.

To the dismay of the monsters underneath, I hoisted myself up, only to see the high heels sitting on the floor and some gates, with timers above them.

TWENTYSECONDSHOLYSHIT

I jumped into those high heels faster than a Kamaitachi and tip-toe sprinted like Someone was chasing me with a used enema. Gone like the wind.

After roughly five seconds, (those cheating bints!) I heard the doors crash open, and moans of procrasturbation turned to primal yells of MINEMINEMINE and DICKDICKDICK as I fled along the tunnels.

I actually tripped and fell, getting up at speed and diving down the corridor. I saw the finishhing line ahead. This was gonna go down in history. This short, lanky, smart, protagonist-y guy was gonna beat their shit games! Three in a row!

I skidded to a stop at the finishing line, diving ober and hitting a wall as the monsters yelled in frustration. Still, horny is horny no matter what body it happens to be in, and I was chased through to the reward room, where a man dressed as a car salesman handed the pineapple to me as I blurred by.

“So, what was you key moti-“

THANKYOUFORTHISBYEGETTHEMOFFAMEJESUSHELPDAMNOHGODCRAPCRAP was all he heard as I jumped across the screen, soon hoarded with mamono. Once I was through, I hailed a cab and sped off to the airport.

(Four days later.)

The Kunoichi tribe couldn’t believe it.

The soothesayer had said no such fruit exsisted, much less obtainable by who they thought was a weakling. But there I was, sitting in his lap before the Council of the Crimson Elders themselves.

The Pineapple.

In all its neon glory, flecked with brown and black spots, topped with sharp, green leaves that seemed to penetrate the heavens. There was never a more beautiful fruit that could be used to pleasure oneself.

“We had a deal!” the stranger yelled.

“Fine, here. Take the kilogram of gold, and leave us! We thank you for your discovery.”

The elder took the fruit, cradeling it as if it were but a delicate infant, before hurrying to a room away. Moans enemated from said room. Never had the grand elder been so happy! This was a story for be generations to come!

—-

I got on the next bota out of that creepy place. With a kilogram of gold, I could buy anything? Should I make my own shoe brand? Sports clothes? Energy drinks?

These flashed through my mind as I wondered what Imwas going to do next.