User blog:Party Vanderbilt/Party's What Do Wonders - Sandworm Edition

Archived from the Sandworm page, originally in response to a "What Do You Do" scenario posted by an anonymous user, presented here in mostly unedited form:

"You are a mere traveling merchant but your stock and other nesscities have been taken by bandits forcing you to wander the desert. You're dehrydrated and and tired and you think your eyes are playing tricks on you because that big, rock seems to be following you for sometime now...but then it dawns on you...that's no rock. Since when do rocks have teeth and a woman inside?!

What do you do?"

My jaw drops, my eyes bug out, and I scream in absolute f***ing TERROR!!! A split-second later, I'm running in the opposite direction far faster that my physical condition should allow for. I mean, I have never run so quickly in. My. LIFE. Even the Ushi-Oni in Zipangu didn't fill me with THIS kind of dread.

I try to look over my shoulder, but all I see is the cloud of dust I'm kicking up. I can hear the sandworm plowing through the dirt, however. Thus spurred, I only increase my run-speed. In fact, if someone were watching they'd probably see me stop for just a second as I shifted directly from Impulse to Warp Factor 9, before shooting forward fast enough to leave a single, continuous after-image trailing behind me.

As one might assume, traveling at such a speed has a rather negative impact on handling. As such, by the time I see the old ruins, it's too late. I slam into the wall, knocking myself senseless.

When I come to it's dark and I'm looking up at a bronze-skinned, dark haired girl with fluffy hands, feet, and dog tail looking down at me. She frowns, squinches up her brow, taps her foot, and points at the wall I hit. She points a fuzzy claw at the imprint of my face I left in the wall and says, in no uncertain terms, "You're going to work that off."

At least I got away from the Sandworm.