Thread:Justheretowrite/@comment-35898511-20191120231253/@comment-36855838-20191128065212

PART 1: Formatting generalities.

The first thing to note is paragraphing, it can be hard to figure out where to break things up, but this is one of the most vital tools in a casual writers arsenal.

Hitting the enter key twice will make a new line, like I just did.

By separating things out like this, we create a mental space and divide our writing into digestible chunks, much like the noticeable screen wipes in the star wars movies.

This brief pause in the flow of content allows readers to automatically understand an idea as finished, and prepare to process a new idea or set of information. For example:

John said, 1 "Hi Jade, how are you today?" 2 Jade glanced at the tacky blue hoodie John was wearing, the matching blue sweatpants, and his friendly, dorky grin, before responding, 3 "Much better, now that you're here to chat with me."

So, what's going on with those spaces? (aside from the fact that I numbered them this time)

Space 1 allows us to stop expecting any more information about what john is doing aside from speaking, and as his dialogue is directed at only one person, we can merely have him name his conversation partner and avoid naming her beforehand, such as by saying "John said to Jade."

Space 2 and space 3 both serve to separate a description of John from the dialogue that the characters are speaking.

Next we should notice our words are pulling double duty, because the first part of this description says that Jade is looking at John, we can get an idea of what she thinks of him and his getup while also finding out what he looks like, this allows our words to carry almost double the meaning, both describing the world the characters inhabit and what they think of their surroundings.

In this way, we can avoid describing things twice and boring our readers, such as by describing attire at one point and then redescribing it in detail all over again when a character sees it.

SEVEN HYPHENS(-) ---

Part 2: Applied Spacing

Here is the original text, I will be repasting this for each portion and then editing it using just what we've covered there.

You are a contestant waiting to compete in the game that will commence soon. "Hello everyone watching I'm your lovable host Patrica the harpy and welcome to the Sexually Starved Games! We are here to witness one of the most intense games here this sport is called Fight till you drop where our contestants will fight mamono until they can no longer stand! Here's what you need to know the players will be put in a big area that will serve as the arena. They will fight groups of our mamono participators that will be there to fight and potentially rape them round after round.

It will start with our weakest mamono challengers then after they're defeated they will be teleported out then replaced by the next bunch of mamono after a one-minute break before the next round. The group of mamono that appear each round will be worse than the last but each one the human players beat will get an award and each one will be better every round cleared. Along with the newest batch of mamono jars and chests with items will be teleported around the arena to help the contestants in their time of need but the humans must be careful. Some of these containers could be a mamono in disguise so approach these at your own risk. The contestants themselves will be using weapons of there own choice made from demon realm silver of course, so no one will be killed.

Other than their armor and weapons they cannot bring any items with them from the outside what they are given along with what they find in chests and jars will be what they use. The game will be over when all human contestants are incapacitated and or raped and will be given the awards they earned if they have earned them and possibly a sweetheart. No one is allowed to hide for too long if a player hides or camps for one minute their location will be told to their opponent's. So that's it I hope you all enjoy the show and see how long they survive!" Looking at the witch in front of you she teleports you and the others to the area you will be fighting in WWYD?

(The area everyone is fighting in is your choice it could be a castle a town a graveyard whichever you prefer)

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How can we improve on this with simple spacing?

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You are a contestant waiting to compete in the game that will commence soon. (this needed some room to breathe, it's background, and should not be paired with dialogue, which should almost always be current to the story.)

"Hello everyone watching I'm your lovable host Patrica the harpy and welcome to the Sexually Starved Games! We are here to witness one of the most intense games here this sport is called Fight till you drop where our contestants will fight mamono until they can no longer stand! Here's what you need to know the players will be put in a big area that will serve as the arena. They will fight groups of our mamono participators that will be there to fight and potentially rape them round after round.

It will start with our weakest mamono challengers then after they're defeated they will be teleported out then replaced by the next bunch of mamono after a one-minute break before the next round. (the first section of a long explanation, how the game will keep the opposition fresh, this should be separated from other concepts such as intensity and win conditions.)

The group of mamono that appear each round will be worse than the last but each one the human players beat will get an award and each one will be better every round cleared. (a reward system such as this '"appears'' to be made to balance the game more towards the favor of the humans, it is thus separate from the concept of increasing intensity.)

Along with the newest batch of mamono jars and chests with items will be teleported around the arena to help the contestants in their time of need but the humans must be careful. Some of these containers could be a mamono in disguise so approach these at your own risk. (a risk/reward item system, as the first mention of items and how they work, this should also be broken off)

The contestants themselves will be using weapons of there own choice made from demon realm silver of course, so no one will be killed. (Explaining away any fiddly details that might cause arguments or off-topic discussion out of universe, or horrible misunderstandings in-universe)

Other than their armor and weapons they cannot bring any items with them from the outside what they are given along with what they find in chests and jars will be what they use. The game will be over when all human contestants are incapacitated and or raped and will be given the awards they earned if they have earned them and possibly a sweetheart. (Should probably be much earlier, as it concisely explains the "point" of all this, but consodering where it currently is, it should be split off.)

No one is allowed to hide for too long if a player hides or camps for one minute their location will be told to their opponent's. So that's it I hope you all enjoy the show and see how long they survive!" '(as the cutoff for a lengthy monologue, this should be separated from the followup exposition.)"

Looking at the witch in front of you she teleports you and the others to the area you will be fighting in WWYD?

(The area everyone is fighting in is your choice it could be a castle a town a graveyard whichever you prefer)

SEVEN HYPHENS (-) ---

Okay, the spaces have made losing your place less of an issue, and the flow of information is easier to keep straight in your head.

Now, how might condensing the details in the dialogue and altering the order in which information is delivered improve things?

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PART 3: Come Again?

You are a contestant waiting to compete in the game that will commence soon.

1"Hello everyone watching I'm your lovable host Patrica the harpy and welcome to the Sexually Starved Games! We are here to witness one of the most intense games here this sport is called Fight till you drop where our contestants will fight mamono until they can no longer stand! Here's what you need to know the players will be put in a big area that will serve as the arena. They will fight groups of our mamono participators that will be there to fight and potentially rape them round after round.

2It will start with our weakest mamono challengers then after they're defeated they will be teleported out then replaced by the next bunch of mamono after a one-minute break before the next round.

3The group of mamono that appear each round will be worse than the last but each one the human players beat will get an award and each one will be better every round cleared.

4Along with the newest batch of mamono jars and chests with items will be teleported around the arena to help the contestants in their time of need but the humans must be careful. Some of these containers could be a mamono in disguise so approach these at your own risk.

5The contestants themselves will be using weapons of there own choice made from demon realm silver of course, so no one will be killed.

6Other than their armor and weapons they cannot bring any items with them from the outside what they are given along with what they find in chests and jars will be what they use. The game will be over when all human contestants are incapacitated and or raped and will be given the awards they earned if they have earned them and possibly a sweetheart.

7No one is allowed to hide for too long if a player hides or camps for one minute their location will be told to their opponent's. So that's it I hope you all enjoy the show and see how long they survive!"

Looking at the witch in front of you she teleports you and the others to the area you will be fighting in WWYD?

(The area everyone is fighting in is your choice it could be a castle a town a graveyard whichever you prefer)

---

First, let's gut out the dialogue, we need some room to do our dirty work, we can worry about the external bits in a little while.

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1"Hello everyone watching I'm your lovable host Patrica the harpy and welcome to the Sexually Starved Games! We are here to witness one of the most intense games here this sport is called Fight till you drop where our contestants will fight mamono until they can no longer stand! Here's what you need to know the players will be put in a big area that will serve as the arena. They will fight groups of our mamono participators that will be there to fight and potentially rape them round after round.

2It will start with our weakest mamono challengers then after they're defeated they will be teleported out then replaced by the next bunch of mamono after a one-minute break before the next round.

3The group of mamono that appear each round will be worse than the last but each one the human players beat will get an award and each one will be better every round cleared.

4Along with the newest batch of mamono jars and chests with items will be teleported around the arena to help the contestants in their time of need but the humans must be careful. Some of these containers could be a mamono in disguise so approach these at your own risk.

5The contestants themselves will be using weapons of there own choice made from demon realm silver of course, so no one will be killed.

6Other than their armor and weapons they cannot bring any items with them from the outside what they are given along with what they find in chests and jars will be what they use. The game will be over when all human contestants are incapacitated and or raped and will be given the awards they earned if they have earned them and possibly a sweetheart.

7No one is allowed to hide for too long if a player hides or camps for one minute their location will be told to their opponent's. So that's it I hope you all enjoy the show and see how long they survive!"

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Next, let's re-order some things, putting all the "basic" elements towards the beginning, such that our little "warriors" (and by proxy our readers) won't be worrying about simple things and will instead be able to focus on the more outlandish parts of the ruleset.

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1"Hello everyone watching I'm your lovable host Patrica the harpy and welcome to the Sexually Starved Games! We are here to witness one of the most intense games here this sport is called Fight till you drop where our contestants will fight mamono until they can no longer stand! Here's what you need to know the players will be put in a big area that will serve as the arena. They will fight groups of our mamono participators that will be there to fight and potentially rape them round after round.

2It will start with our weakest mamono challengers then after they're defeated they will be teleported out then replaced by the next bunch of mamono after a one-minute break before the next round.

7No one is allowed to hide for too long if a player hides or camps for one minute their location will be told to their opponent's. So that's it I hope you all enjoy the show and see how long they survive!"

3The group of mamono that appear each round will be worse than the last but each one the human players beat will get an award and each one will be better every round cleared.

4Along with the newest batch of mamono jars and chests with items will be teleported around the arena to help the contestants in their time of need but the humans must be careful. Some of these containers could be a mamono in disguise so approach these at your own risk.

6Other than their armor and weapons made from demon realm silver of course, so no one will be killed they cannot bring any items with them from the outside what they choose themselves along with what they find in chests and jars will be what they use. The game will be over when all human contestants are incapacitated and or raped and will be given the awards they earned if they have earned them and possibly a sweetheart.

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By placing 7 betwixt 2 and 3, we have made critical time-based information accessible at a more sensible moment, just after an explanation of the timed waves of mamono.

By merging 5 with 6, we have eliminated a few extraneous syllables which would otherwise bog down the explanation.