Thread:Party Vanderbilt/@comment-25269011-20140908155924/@comment-25035274-20140911170209

Sorry I haven't responded yet. I've had a busy last few days, with a number of exams in a number of classes. They've kept me pretty tied up.

Right, so. It's a workable enough character bio. The biggest advice I could give at the moment would be to run it through a word processor that has both spell- and grammar-checking, and then give it a read-over.

I'd start with the grammar check first, actually, because you've got quite a bit of missed punctuation and spacing. With your spelling, some of the time you've got a proper spelling, but you're using the wrong word.

Another thing that would really help make it easier for folks to read through would be to break it down into smaller paragraphs of about three to five sentences. When you give people big blocks of text like that to read, it can sort of start to run together in their heads even if you happen to have perfect punctuation.

As far as the actual story, it'd work for an anime or manga, and the MGE setting 'is' basically anime/manga fantasy, so like I said earlier, it works as a character bio. You just need to run through and clean up the formatting, spelling and grammar, and you'll have a nice little story here.