Board Thread:What Would You Do?/@comment-27303410-20171011215325/@comment-30700719-20171011233506

I look down at my new body, examining my small, stubby arms. I walk over to a puddle and stare in. The face of a Gremlin stares back at me. "Hey, this ain't so bad. At least I can still build stuff and use technology." I tap my wrist. "ICARUS, I've been swapped-oh, fuck, that's right! My real body's got the PDA! Oh, scheiße..." I pace back and forth. Meanwhile, the other two are examining each other and themselves. I turn around and find a Salamander and a Jinko looking at their arms and tails. "Hmm. Alright. You'll do. Come on, follow me. We gotta go get our bodies back!" They turn around to me and rest their arms on their hips. "And what makes you the leader here, shorty?" They step closer, appearing even taller. I sigh, and explain to them the fact that the PDA embedded in my wrist has the power to call down the equivalent of god's wrath from the sky. "If she figures out how to use it, then we could be looking at a new Demon Lord here. If she became the new Demon Lord, you'd lose your beautiful womanly bodies, instead becoming just a monster as you once were." They looked at each other, then nodded. "Alright then. We gotta hunt them down." The Salamander's body spoke up. "But how will we find them?" I tapped a dainty finger to my head. "That PDA is traceable anywhere in the world, if I can connect to the Trieste first. Now, where's the nearest scrap heap? Gremlins are supposed to be natural geniuses in tech, right? Eh, you wouldn't know. Let's go." I started walking down a gravel path. The Jinko looks over at the Salamander and says, "Are you sure all our bodies got swapped?"

Sparks go flying and a high-pitched whining fills the air as I apply the finishing touches with an angle grinder. "Woo...that was awesome! I never knew that Gremlins had this much fun, just by making stuff!" I wipe my little brow and lift my welding goggles. Holding up the bulky, suitcase-sized machine, I sigh contentedly. "I bet a real Gremlin could make that ten times smaller," retorted the Jinko, smoothly walking in. I turn to her and put my hands on my hips. "Well, I'm not a real Gremlin, aren't I?" Then changing the subject, I continued, "And that girl in my body isn't a real Rauser pilot!" I pinched the bridge of my nose, before snapping my fingers and jumping off the stool. About four little machines whirred to life and secured a corner of the suitcase, carrying it behind me. "Now, I just need a high enough point..." The Jinko walks in. "Say, there's a castle nearby. They say it's the highest point for miles, except..." I cross my arms. "What now?" She figets awkwardly, "It's controlled by the Order. It's got amazing defenses. They've held out against numerous attacks." I stroke my chin, forming an idea. "Hmm...to get to the top of that castle, we've got to take care of the defenders. And we're going to need an army to do that." I turn around, a wide grin on my face. "Ladies, we are going to conquer that castle. And by the end of the day, lots and lots of people are going to be very happy..." I wring my hands together and cackle, like the true embodiment of a mad scientist. The Salamander glances worriedly at the Jinko. "Oh, dear..."

I look over the battlefield, whizzing around. Although the jetpack-hands-flowers machine looked unusual, it proved to be very versatile and stable to fly. The castle was well fortified, with moats, arrow slits, mortar cannons...it was going to take a miracle to capture the fort. I took a deep breath in and out, then flew back down over the crest of a hill. About four catapults lay there, ready to fire. Each had been calibrated to land just outside the castle walls. Once the projectiles landed, anything inside the boundaries would be steeped in Demonic Energy, whilst simultaneously sending out powerful waves of attraction to nearby mamono. I cracked my knuckles and smirked. "Heh. Just let them try and make it out of this." With a single button, all four catapults fired, launching their hellish balls of purple fire. They landed solidly, exactly where they were meant to be. "Perfect. Too close for the mortars, too tough for the archers." I climbed up the steep hill and sat down, watching the scene unfold.

About thirty minutes after it started, what appeared to be roughly an eighth of the Demon Lord's Army came stampeding over the hills, accompanied by about five Sabbath platoons, each with a Baphomet at their head. My own machinery had already picked up some 'fun' inside the castle walls, due to some freshly made Alps on the inside. By the time they arrived at the castle walls, practically no-one was at their posts. The thick stone walls practically moved aside for the Wurms, and everyone else moved in. I checked my timepiece and stood up. By now, I could probably make my way through the castle without finding a single man, lest the Gremlin's instincts take over. Reaching over for the suitcase, I merrily skipped inside the holes in the walls, my green hair bobbing up and down.

Well, holy fuck. Let me tell you, once I was inside the castle, there was no shortage of scenery. The air was thick and humid, filled with the moans and yells of sex. It was a daze on my small form. The Demonic Energy in the air seemed to give me endless energy, like I could run or jump or...well, I bet you can figure it out. By the time I got to one of the many battlements, open to the air, that I actually realised my ignorance. Putting two fingers to my mouth and letting out a loud whistle, my jetpack-hands-flying machine arrived. I stepped in and flew it upwards, to the very top of the castle. I stepped off and grabbed the suitcase, to find one single man. He was young, almost fourteen, by the looks of it. My instincts told me that he was ready, that he was delicious. My mind cartwheeled, my nethers moistened. A bestial smile grew on my face as I stepped forward.

I...gotta...fight it...

My hand reached out, and I pulled it back. The boy seemed confused, underneath his mask of terror. Falling to my knees, the suitcase fell out of my hand. It was like a tidal wave, building up inside me, just waiting to be let loose...

Suddenly, out of freaking NOWHERE, a Jinko grabbed the guy out of thin air. I looked down at the disappearing man, and felt a sort of jittering of disapproval. Of...frustration. I willed myself to be calm and prepared the suitcase, opening it up and flicking switches. Finally, the whine of static came through, followed by silence. "ICARUS? Do you copy?"  "ICARUS, listen, it's me. Jan. Some Cheshire Cat with a magic crystal swapped my mind and a Gremlin's mind. I'm currently in the body of a Gremlin, and she's in my body."  "ICARUS, do a psychological evaluation on her mind! Scan for anomalies in her brainwaves."  "ICARUS, by god, for all your intelligence, you're as smart as a goddamned soup can sometimes!"  "All right, here's what I need you to do. Take control of my body, make it escape from whatever clutches that Ogre's got me in. Then, send a Rauser to my body and make it fly over to this location. And make sure that you pick up the crystal first."

A few hours later, a Rauser comes in, quickly unleashing its passenger before flying off to a safe distance. My body stands stock-still for a moment, before crumpling to the ground. "Oh, I'm back in control again? Well, thank you very much for the warning!" My body turns around, noticing me for the first time. "Oh my God, it's...me!" I nod grimly. "Yep. Rather interesting to see yourself from a new perspective, eh?" Before she can argue, I add, "Hey, I didn't mean to activate that crystal. I never wanted it in the first place. Speaking of, where is it?" She (my body) shrugs. "I thought it disappeared, when we switched bodies." I sigh. "Well, if we work together, we might be able to find a way to return each other to their bodies." My body narrows his eyes. "And why would I want that? In this body, I have access to all the technology in the world!" I cross my arms. "You know, I can die any amount of times. If we both die right now, I'll just respawn on board the Trieste, back in my body. Unfortunately, you will not. You will be dead and stay dead. So, let's you back into your own body as soon as possible." She sighs and nods. "You're no fun, you know."

Almost six weeks later, we both attach fancy tin foil hats to each other. "And remember, if this works, I get to stay on board your big submarine for a month. And we sleep together." I nod. "Yeah, yeah. Now, let's get this over with." I step into the booth, the neon green LEDs casting shadows over my face. My body does the same, and the booths close.

[Prepare for mental switch.]

When I open my eyes, I step out of the booth and rub my eyes. I look down, at the familiar brown sleeves, the black watch in my right wrist. I look over and spot the Gremlin stepping out of her booth. She locks eyes with me, and something changes. "Oh, that's right. I may have neglected to feel pleasure in your body. For a month. And a half." She steps forward, various bits of machinery moving forward with her. Servos whine, cooling fans spin, and she launches herself at me. Thinking quickly, I raise my hands to protect myself...and accidentally brush against her forehead. She knocks me over, keeping her forehead against my hand. I start rubbing it, scratching her ears lightly. She shivers in delight, closing her eyes. "Oh, boy. This is gonna be a long month."