User blog comment:LtTora/Home Sweet Home/@comment-1826623-20150909024559

Hmm...not bad, not bad at all. You've got promise with this story from the start. Seeing as how you've got a bit to review when it comes to grammar and writing conventions, I'd offer my assistance to you. However, you're not too far off from a well-written plot. Just a few fixes and rearrangements are all you really need here. Suffice to say, I'm glad to see that you at least put your ideas into words which is not something most people are able to do in such a smooth motion.