Thread:Breakaway Republic/@comment-220.253.1.60-20160215124537

Aight, here me out. This is specifically about the Newest chapter of The Shirohebi and The Hunter, but includes parts of the older chapters as well.

I'm a little bit of an Outsider when it comes to stuff like this, and I know this is simply an EroRomantic-comedy, a light romp through the fields of Zipangu, but please, please choose between Drama and Fluff.

This technique of instantly vanishing the consequences worked well in the 4th chapter of this saga, where they're forgiven for running off in the night, but in this case, there was simply no development. The Absolution from consequence didn't feel relieving as it first did, it felt rather contrived. It's the second fake-out, Shame on me. Imagine if you've drawn out the Drama of them being driven out, lasted a chapter or two without Hanta or Yuki knowing that all was forgiven. What could of happened, the development would be interesting, adding Greatly needed character.

Continuing the criticism, I'm either growing out of MGE in General, or I just particularly don't like this brand of Waifu-Quest. Yuki is, however else you like to put it, Waifu Sue. She's absolutely flawless for Hanta. There isn't any friction between them, she's self concious enough to boost his morale and she waits on him hand and foot, while being a domme. I don't know if you're basing this on an Ideal or a real person, but for every supposed "flaw" in her personality, she turns up 10 on the Waifu-O-meter TM. Please write her some character. Add some detail, a legitimate flaw or something, ANYTHING that they disagree on past Pillow-talk. A difficulty that they have to overcome together past bachelorhood.

I've liked this story for a while now, minus some rather heavy stereotypes and language in Chapter two that was gag-worthy, but please take into consideration whether you want this to be a Romantic-Sitcom or Drama, and then ELABORATE ON THE CHOSEN ELEMENT. The sum of these parts is somehow less than the product when the Drama doesn't carry weight and the Romance is borderline Asinine, Even for a Mamano story.

If you've read through all this, thankyou for your time, and I hope you consider this criticism.  