User blog comment:The Reptile King/Reptile Kingdom What Do's/@comment-27950421-20171229161656

You are a proud, loyal member of 142nd expeditionary force in it's glorious crusade into the dreaded Reptile Kingdom, lead by the valient hero, Charles Dumain in the noble quest to slay the evil Reptile King and avenge the grievous insult he has made against the Goddess herself!


 * meanwhile in heaven

Several angels cry out in despair while working in vain to scrub a dress, "Oh this is never gonna come out!"

"Why did that bastard have to use blueberries!?!"

"Because they stain and he's a jackass!"

The Chief God sits in her throne not bothering to lift a finger, "QUIT WHINING AND SCRUB HARDER! I have an appearance to make during the coronation of a new king in the holy lands and I need that dress to be pure and sparkling white for it!"


 * back with you

Truly a worthy cause for a legion of the Order! However your legion has been traveling for many a week many men have been dragged off the fel beasts that dwell in this land, or worse by vile demonic harlots that also stalk this unholy wilderness. However you and your comrades still yet persevere and have eventually reached a area similar to that disturbing land in the east, where men actually live in peace with monster, zinganpoo or something like that, those poor deluded barbarians. Truly it is only right that you and liberate them, after you smite the Reptile King of course.

One night you prepare to retire to your tent after a long days march when suddenly you hear a loud disturbance near the south side of the perimeter. Ypu quickly grab your blade and rush to aid your comrades but nothing in your long years as a soldier of the order could prepare you for what you find.

The area is covered in foam and bubbles float about in the air while the encampment your comrades had built is left in shambles, weapons and supplies scattered everywhere, some still sliding about on the foam. Your fellow soldiers left incapacitated by suds, their weapons sliding out of their grip, their armor slipping off of their bodies and most are unable to stand without slipping and falling on their faces much less fight.

In the centet of it all stand your heroic leader, Charles Dumain, his legs wobbly as works to keep his balance he had used a wrag to tightly lash his sword to his hand by the crossguard and standing against him, a strange wingless dragon with fox like features what appears to be flower petals growing out her body. For a moment you almost think her beautiful.

Charles duels with this strange dragon but she hardly even seems to be fighting back! Instead she seems intent on making a fool of the noble hero, dancing around his attacks and leaving a deluge of foam causing him to slide about out of control as she laughs at him. All the while with her eyes closed no less! After a couple more times of this occurs before Charles finally topples, sliding past you in a heep.

It is at this moment that the dragon turns towards you, her eyes remain closed but she seems perfectly aware of your presence, "Oh my, it would seem that yet another strapping young man has arrived. Oh and you brought a toy too! Are you here to play with me like everyone else? Because it doesn't seem like they're very good at these games..."

What do you do?