Board Thread:What Would You Do?/@comment-29325824-20180705105933/@comment-36855838-20181014034109

An adorable sight to behold, but not good enough, I slowly shift closer, creeping nearer and nearer to the pair, finally at a good spot, a wide branch inside a massive bush the size of a truck, I pull out a tin of peanuts and begin to eat.

As I watch the two cuddle, their adorable faces smooshing together at the cheeks, I get comfortable on my branch, massaging a crick out of my neck.

I feel a hand on my leg, it's my girlfriend, who turned holstaur on a fieldtrip to a farm a back in highschool.

"Hey, watcha doin' hon'?"

I take another fistful and munch for a minute or two, quietly pointing towards the cuddle fest and patting a spot on a nearby branch.

She sits down, getting cozy.

I reach into my bag.

"Ya wan'a apple?"

She nods vacantly, captivated by the hug turned makeout session.

"Yeah, sure."

I hand her a massive Honeycrisp, the iceless cooling packs kept it freezing, just how I like it, and I take one for myself.

We spend the next half hour watching the bunyip and Yeti go through the motions of man withdrawal, desperately trying to satisfy themselves and each-other.

By the time the two are lying panting on the ground, we've gone through carrots, roasted beets, and mushroom topped burgers.

"Call Ocean, they need a proper Incubus at this point."

She nods, pulling out her phone.

"On it."

I hop down from my branch, stalking quietly, rolling my feet from heel to toe, as I reach the duo, I tap them each on the shoulder, and pull out a thermos of my personal hot cocoa-coffee blend, which I created to take the bitter edge off.

I slowly chat with them, telling them that my pal Ocean will be here soon to take care of their temporary needs.

"And what of our loneliness?"

"Ocean's also head of the local singles-no-more club, once you two are satisfied, he and his pals will match you up with men from a pool of waiver-signed candidates, if you pass the screening, of course."

I recieve quizzical looks.

"See, human women can be kinda. . . choosy, and there's an odd tendency for mamono to jump the shark, and wind up really hurting a man because they aren't good fits, leading cause of suicide in dark demon realms."

They seem to get it.

"Ocean and his pals are going to find proper matches for you both so that doesn't happen to you."

They smile appreciatively, as a minivan rolls up on the nearby road.

"Ayy, Martha!"

"Howdy ocean!"

I turn, motioning for the two to follow me to the van.

The two gawk at ocean, he stands at eight feet, white hair long and flowing, eyes deep red and glowing, erection quite hard and growing.

He walks up to the yeti, and as he takes her hand, shrinks down to the size of a ten-year-old boy, and his face changing to look the same as back then.

He looks up at her, and leaps into her embrace, the rest of us watch a very confused yeti become very satisfied, and by the end of it, the little ocean has swept her into the rear row of the van, brushing past a snoring Lizardman and drooling Mucus Toad in the middle row.

After returning, Ocean takes the Bunyip's hands, and takes on the form of a forty-something man with a large gut.

A few minutes later, and a very satisfied bunyip is curling her tail around the Lizardman from the other rear seat, and a seemingly middle-aged Ocean is waving casually as he drives off.

Martha and I continue our walk home, ready to gorge on more produce and spy on our neighbors, until we get hornier than we are hungry.