Talk:Hellhound/@comment-4407082-20170224054913/@comment-24026095-20170224134757

&lsquo;Ash. ASH! Wake up, why are you moaning unintelligibly about the Kanto League? This is Hoenn, silly boy, and you have to go to Professor BIRCH'S lab to pick your first Pokémon.&rsquo;

&lsquo;Huuuuuuuuh? No, mum, sorry, not tonight, it's a Saturday.&rsquo;

&lsquo;YES, I KNOW! You agreed to go to the lab and start training for the Pokémon League Championship TODAY! Now OUT!&rsquo;

My mother yanks the covers off me as I groan in irritation, then curl up into a ball and hide my face.

&lsquo;CHIMECHO! Use ASTONISH on my sleepyhead, lazy son!&rsquo;

&lsquo;Chime, CHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!!!!!&rsquo;

&lsquo;AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! Mum, why do you always spoil everything?&rsquo;

&lsquo;You know those &ldquo;spoilers&rdquo; of movies and video games you young ones like to see? Well, I'm a SPOILER for your sleep, fufufufufufufufufufu!&rsquo;

&lsquo;Jeez, mum, don't. Or at least, don't act that way around my friends or the Japanese.&rsquo;

&lsquo;Fine. Just move your butt already and get ready.&rsquo;

I stumble into the bathroom, mumbling about getting my own place and humming part of the Pokémon Go! song at the same time, excited and eager about the championship.

Hey, wait. What the fuck is this in my bathroom? A Pikachu? An Electabuzz? An Arcanine? No, it's a damn Jinko.

My mother walks into the bathroom and giggles. &lsquo;Fufufufufu, do you like what you see, dear? Professor Elm told me something about Pokémamono and how a strong, trained warrior one would be good to whip your lazy self into shape. Oh look, she's doing press-ups already! Hurry up and brush your teeth, then join her.&rsquo;

The Jinko stands up and flexes her arms, cracking her neck and popping her joints to get rid of the stiffness (not that type) and looking over at me critically. &lsquo;Hmmmm, cute, but he could use some muscle. Even my own. If he has muscles where it matters, I may be generous enough to let him be.&rsquo;

Women.