Board Thread:What Would You Do?/@comment-27303410-20180601015444/@comment-26295607-20180604122743

To say that I'm un-phased would be an understatement. First off these guys aren't my friends, one of them; Zack is actually a co-worker of mine. We are both in the same business, we are lifers in the Army, I've been in ten years and Zack has been in 7. Zack is a Sapper attached to the 22nd Expeditionary BN with four deployments, two purple hearts and enough stories to fill a book from his experiences down range. I on the other hand am really just a glorified paper pusher in the Chaplain Corp, with two deployments, a very jaded psyche and ten years to go before I have to find a new job.

The other guys, the one who just invoked the "Law of the Jungle" is Mike, a skinny 21 year old with bad acne and even worse breath. Like many such guys I have met he has this weird delusion that he's God’s gift to women and it amazes me how he hasn't ended up on some kind of list yet.

So why am I even here you may ask?

Well it’s like this, I'm pretty well known in the 22nd for both my lack of a social life and for the fact that even with the base being so close to Monster City (So named because more than half the population is made of up mamono) I am not only still single and a virgin to boot.

Well for some reason that I will never comprehend, Zack insisted that I must get out and enjoy the country side this weekend. Despite my protests and my insistence that going to the field was all the exposure to the (cough!) great outdoors (cough!) that I needed.

Long story short I got dragged into this stupid excursion and decided that I was just gonna grin and bear it until it was over; at least that was my plan until a few moments ago.

Now instead of going to bed and trying to get some actual sleep like I had wanted, I have a unpleasant decision to make: stay inside and hope in vain that the problem will go away? Or, go outside and try to reason with our--um! Our guests!

"Dude!" said the last guy remaining with me, I didn't bother to learn his name, I only know that he's not a soldier, "what the hell are you doing?" he asked in barely a whisper, for at that very moment I had taken a step towards the doorway and to what must have seemed to him like my doom.

"I'm going to go talk to them!" I replied impassively

The look he gave me was one of incredulous disbelief, as though I had just proclaimed to him that the world was flat!

“Are you nuts?” he gasped, “You seriously think they came all this way to talk?”

“Of course they didn’t” I reply exasperatedly, “But they’re not animals, they can be reasoned with. Besides-“ I pointed suddenly to my face, “do I look like the kind of guy women swoon over?”

His only reply was to stare back at me dumbly as though I had just asked him to explain Quantum Calculus.

“HEY!” called a female voice from outside, “you guys going to come out and play? Or are we gonna have to come in there?”

In the darkness outside I could hear perverse giggling and even a few cat calls of all things but I wasn’t too worried.

I mean—okay! I know I’m not ugly but I’m not attractive either and honestly even Mamono have standards…right? Right!

So with that thought I stepped out of the camper into the warm humid air, it being mid-July and it tends to get hot and humid around these parts.

As soon as I have cleared the camper I expect to hear either silence or even a groan of disappointment when they see me, instead I am shocked to hear several squeals of delight causing my face to start burning and the unexpected approval I am suddenly getting.

I cough loudly in the hopes of getting their attention but also to give me a moment to collect myself.

“Excuse me ladies! If I may be so bold I fear that there has been some kind of misunderstanding.”     Silence---well maybe this will work after all.

“No doubt you came here looking for some handsome men to be your husbands but I am afraid you won’t find any here!”

From behind me in the camper I can hear a loud cry of “Hey!”

“Not to mention that one of us, and by that I mean me! Is a jaded war veteran who has long since given up on love, so much so that I don’t even believe in it anymore.”

More silence…not sure if that’s a good thing or not?

“I know this must be very disappointing and you no doubt feel let down but I am certain that you will find that there are—“

I didn’t get the chance to finish what I was saying before something hit me hard in the chest almost knocking me down.

It took me a moment to look down and with a mixture of horror and disbelief I saw the shaft of an arrow protruding from my chest.

And not just any arrow, this arrow was a pink arrow with a golden trim which ran down the length of the shaft ending in a jeweled heart at the end that was sticking out of my chest.

“Woohoo!” shouted a voice from the darkness, “nice shot Susie! Now go over there and give your new hubby a night he won’t ever forget, we can wait to go and fetch the other one!”

The last coherent thought in my brain that night was "How stupid can you be Chris!? You went and told a bunch of man crazy monster girls that you gave up on love?  Just how stu-pid can you be?"

A/N: I'm not real happy with how this turned out as I was kind of rushing at the last moment. I just desperatly wanted to do some Monster Girl writing that I fear I was rather sloppy with this.