Board Thread:What Would You Do?/@comment-34263048-20180301102541/@comment-29435884-20180301112248

Dear diary, today was shit. My boss is an arsehole and it looks like my old friend beer is getting me through the night again. Fuck me, must be a day ending in Y.

The problem with this of course, is that most days that end in Y aren't also full moons. You've done yourself this time buddy-boy, you've gone and fucked it all. And to make matters worse, I'm the only man in this dive bar shithole. The local girls are getting right into the spirit of the holiday, if you ran a black light around this place, the pussy juice would light it up like a rave full of pill-heads with free body paint.

I've got a survival plan for situations like this, sit in the corner, chain-smoke cigarettes and haunch my shoulders all night. Basically radiate 'fuck off' vibes like a leaking nuclear reactor. Works for most girls with a passing interest, but not so much for the ones who want to push the issue, like the....oh fuck me that's a werewolf pack. "Mind if I sit here?" the alpha asks. It's not like I can tell her to shove it, making a scene's like cock suicide. So I grunt. So she sits. And so does her pack. Fuck.

Okay,okay don't panic they haven't asked me to.....oh wait, never mind they just did.

Damage control. Now.

...

Damage control is unavaliable. Please try again later.

Oh wait. Tadaaa! the all purpose get out jail free card when a pub convo goes south. "Sorry ladies, my drink's dry, catch ya later!" without missing a beat however, one of the wolves leans over, putting her (pretty nice actually) tits in my face. "Watcha drinking sugar?" She asks. Shit. They've seen that one before.

Shitshitshit now what?! Look around wildly! Lamia passing this table! Do the opposite of what you usually do, make eye contact! (I hope that looked more suave and less desperate grimace....never mind, she's looking anyway) With that done, I lean back in to the wolf and say with all the charm I can muster, "Well mate, I'll have the snakebite, double shot." As I say this cliche as fuck line, I turn and wink at the Lamia. *Slither slither* She's coming over....yeah buddy, I'm the greatest.

The wolves are growling at the competition, The lamia's stating her case, and I'm getting the fuck outta dodge.

It's only when I manage to exit the beer garden that I realise I've still got to make it home on full moon night half cut. BUGGER!