User blog:Ore-samma/My Holstaur (Cask of Amontillado) (Parody) (slight horror)

Hello Fans, Ore-samma here!

Decided to release day 29 of my halloween one-shots early!

A parody of "A Cask Of Amontillado" Where Montresor finally gets his cuppance.

Special thanks to Gnomehunter who gave the idea.

Hope you like it!

Ever your Servant-

Ore-samma

“Hmmmmm, are you sure this is the right spot?” I said, looking at the strange little man.

“Of course! I know it may not smell very good due to the nitre, but-” He looked over at my Satyr sister, sleeping soundly over my shoulder. “You wouldn’t want to disappoint your dearest sister by not getting her the cask of Amooontillado?”

I rubbed my chin and swatted my tail a bit. “I can’t smell anything, thanks to this mask Rolle told me to keep on. Even still….” I said following the man deeper into the catacombs. “Amoontilado doesn’t need to be stored in such damp conditions...or at least I think it doesn’t….hmmmm, now I’m not so sure.” adjusted my mask that Rolle told me I had to keep on, no matter what….even though it plugged my nose and made my face itch!

“Right this way, right this way, gentle Holstaur!” The man cheered as I continued to follow, my eyes being dazzled by the nitre that seemed to get thicker and more substantial as we continued on.

“Perhaps a glass of water to fortify you against the nitre?” I looked at the cup and tasted it.

“Pew! No! This water is spoiled.” I mooed, tipping the glass from his hand, watching it spill on the ground. I looked over my shoulder, “Rolle! Moo! Common! Wake up! Where is this cask of Amooontillado? This place is starting to frighten me!”

Rolle snorted and mumbled.

The man tugged my hand, setting off several alarms in my chest but he walked on, his torch light amplifying the creepiness of the place. “Come on, dearie. It isn’t much further now.”

We walked on, our echoing footsteps only broken by Rolle, snoring away.

“Oooh! Moo! Why did you have to drink that entire barrel? Rolle! I told you not to!” She snorted again and gave a small belch. “At least you could have drank your Satyr wine! Then you wouldn’t be in this state! I’ll bet you have a nasty headache when this is all done, moo!”

We walked on and I stopped and looked back the way we came and back around and around.

“Moo! I am scared! I don’t want to go further! What if we get lost and can never get out ?”

The man stopped and grew very still, he looked at me for a long time. I could almost swore I sensed some sort of strange magic from him, but it passed and started to chuckle,causing the hairs on my neck to stand up.

“My dearest, gentle Holstaur-”

“I have a name you know, it’s Faun!”

“My dearest, Faun. What on earth could harm you down here? These catacombs are not very large, and we haven’t even taken any turns! It’s just a straight shot back to the surface and just a little further to the cask of Amooontillado!”

I felt tears of fear and frustration rise to the surface as I sat Rolle down and started to shake her a little. “'' Rolle! Wake up! I’m scared! This place is bad! I know it is bad! Why did you tell me to get this bottle of drink? You have so much drink back home ''!” I bawled and started to shiver and tremble. “ Rolle? Please! Wake up! Who is this man you told me to follow? He is scary! I want to go home !”

Rolle opened her eyes and smiled, belched. “Tasty drinks.” She muttered and started to snore again.

I looked back at the strange man holding the torch and slowly stood and looked back the way I came and started to move away from him...but….he  remained there….and he had the only torch!

“You’re not scared of the dark are you, Faun? If you like, you can go back- I will get the Amooontilado.”

I strode forward, holding my hand out. “Give me the torch!”

But as I walked forwards, he was walking back.

“Give me the torch!” I bawled, feeling my tears run down my face and neck. My heart pounded and I felt some strange sense of lethal horror all around me.

“But my dear lady….we’ve arrived! See?”

I looked and noticed a passageway that seemed to have collapsed as there was a pile of bricks in the way.

“What do you mean?! There are bricks in the way!” I huffed, feeling a small relief knowing that I would soon be free from this place.

The man turned around and handed me the torch. “Blast these catacombs! They never are held up right!” He shoo’ed me aside and started to move the bricks away from the archway.

I set Rolle down again and started to shake her some more. “Rolle! We’re here! Wake up, Rolle! Common!”

“Faun? Here is the amooontillado.”

I reached up, over the stack of bricks between us and took the smooth heavy bottle of dark liquor and placed it next to Rolle.

“Rolle! Here is your silly bottle! Now get up! Let’s go! I-” I looked up as I noticed the light suddenly dimmed.

“ Moo ? What- Hey! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! ” I screamed as I suddenly realized the man bricked me and Rolle in a small arch way. There was only a few brick spaces left when I realized it, and he quickly and silently filled them, shuttering us in darkness.

I screamed and cried, desperately shaking Rolle, feeling the walls starting to close in! Oh! Oh! It was getting hard to breathe! Help! I must breathe!

“''' NO-NO-NO-NO! SOMEONE HELP ME ''' !! ” I screamed, only stopping when I felt a hand over my mouth.

“ Shhh! Faun….do you have the bottle ?”

“ Rolle? Yes! Please Rolle! I am so scared! We’re going to die in here !”

A flicker of light emanated from Rolle’s hands and she had a sly grin. ”Not in the slightest.” She whispered. “The Mamono Conclave sent me down here to trick and take that man into custody.” She stretched and yawned. “But he was a sly one. He kept figuring out our agents before we could close in on him….until now.” She patted the side of my face. “You felt his magic spell earlier, yes?”

I sniffed and wiped my eyes. “ Uh-huh….but I didn’t know what it was for .”

Rolle nodded. “Yeah, he wanted to know if you knew who he was. But you didn’t. I’m sorry you were frightened, Faun...but there was no way to get him trapped like this.”

“Trapped? What do you mean? It is us who are trapped! There’s something about this white stuff! It repels magic! There’s no way out!”

Rolle laughed and shook her head. “I don’t think so….How about you take off your mask?”

I placed my hands on my mask and….and….

“I smell husband!” I cried out.

Rolle nodded and patted my behind, I felt her magic spell flow from her hands and into my body. “Hmmm, and wouldn’t you like to mate with husband?”

I panted, feeling  my body throb and ache. “Husband! It’s been so long since I’ve been with husband!” I looked at the stone wall and knew his scent was leading away from this silly place.

“ MOO! ” I cried out, headbutting the wall and toppling the blocks in front of me.

“Good girl, Faun!” Rolle cried out, jumping on my shoulders and pointed to a rapidly diminishing light source. “Let’s go get husband!”

“Moo!” I cried out, rushing into the darkness and towards the light. I ran, hearing the frenzied panting and stumbling of the silly man who led me here. Oh! Why was he so slow?! Why was he in my way?!

“Mooooooooove!” I cried out, planting my foot on his back and stepping on top of- and over him, and accidently kicked his face as I continued to sprint down the hall.

I felt Rolle slip off my shoulders, bringing me to stop and turn around.

“Keep going, Faun! Husband is at the Tavern! I’ll be there soon!”

“Husband!” I cried out and continued on my way, no longer scared of the dark..

(pov switch)

“Good evening, Montresor.” I said, striding up to the evil degenerate. “My, you’ve been a slippery one, haven’t you? Well- your vile deeds are at an end, and you are going to face judgement for your crimes against the Mamono Empire in the City of Dis.”

The man rolled over on his back and spat out several of his teeth, holding onto his misshapen jaw.

“Aaah, nothing to say? Well, I suppose it would be too much to ask. Did you enjoy that kick from my sister? Yes, well I’m sure you didn’t...likewise, none of your victims enjoyed being walled up down here much. That was really vile of you, to grow Nitre that nullifies magic...didn’t account for my sister being so strong, now did you? Thankfully the Conclave was able to rescue your victims.….it's almost a shame that your punishments won’t be as severe since they are alive and well. But, I’ll be grateful to know that you’ve been stopped at last!”

I pulled out my wand and drew upon a clean spot on the wall of the catacombs, opening the gateway to the man’s place of judgement. “You know,” I said, turning back to him as I grasped his jacket and lifted him off the ground. “It’s almost fitting that I use these walls to draw my portal that will seal your fate.” I looked up to the Anubis agent who came through.

“Is this Montresor?” She said in a low growl.

“The very same!” I said with a nod.

“Good! I can’t wait to bring him to the court.” She looked to me. “I will be sure to send my report to your Patron, Var’Vess that you may claim your reward.”

Another Anubis came forth and took Montresor's other arm. “Montresor! The courts are all waiting for you, wondering when you might grace us with your presence.” Her lips peeled back to reveal a sinister fanged smile, “Let us be gone.”

I nodded, “Yes, indeed. Let us all be gone and on our way.”

The Anubis pair turned, and Montresor emitted a low muffled scream to see the foreboding and immense backdrop of the City of Dis that awaited him. I looked upon the desolate sprawl and felt the nearly overwhelming fear and dread rip apart my gut, wondering if it was as terrifying, or even moreso when Dis was an infernal realm with a heat so great that its towers of brass and iron glowed red and orange amidst the backdrop.

“Do you hear it?” One of the Anubis guards said with a grin.

“I hear nothing….it’s silent….” I muttered.

The guard nodded, “That silence is so deafening….it drives all except the chosen insane within a day. But….if you listen with your magic, you can hear the chains….”

I strained, and then swallowed upon hearing the distant clinking of the chains of regret wrapped around the criminals there, that replaced the once deafening roar of fire and screams.

“That clinking, the silence, and the footsteps….” The Anubis said wistfully. “The oldest criminals there say they would prefer the roaring fires and the screams of the punished.” She shrugged, looking at Monstressor. “And you’re going to be well acquainted with it all. Let’s go.”

“Please!” Monstresor called out in terror, struggling to turn back to me...reaching out, even as he was pulled into the hole in the wall. His hand held on to the edge of a block, scrabbling and scratching. The Anubis pair seemed to take a small delight in allowing his strength to fade. They just kept a steady tension for a long time as Monstresor cried and begged, his hands eventually started bleeding and finally slipped, allowing the Anubis pair to pull him through.

“For the love of-” The rest of his words were cut off as the portal sealed shut, and the stones reappeared.

“Montresor?” I said in a mocking tone, rapping my knuckles on the wall. “Montresor, what was that you said?....ah well….guess I’ll just leave you here.” I hung his torch on a nearby scone and hefted the wondrous drink of amooontillado, glancing upon it as I licked my lips….wondering just how tasty this batch would be.

“After this night’s work….I’ve developed quite a thirst.” I muttered as I made my way back to the party above, holding the bottle in a small salute to the darkness. “Aaaah! Bibere in pace!”