User blog comment:Safnar/The Loving Holsterus : Chapter One, Flirtations/@comment-23603505-20141217224151

This story is good but it does need a little work. You jump between first and second point of view without warning, you could have added a little bit of tenison between the parents and Emera. And a little captiazation at the beginning could be removed for Pop.

The sentance  His family farm is large and until that day Mamono free. Doesn't sound good I suggest. His family owned a large farm. And omit until mamono are free.

Its a good story none the less.