Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-26380985-20151217174935/@comment-26115871-20151220000034

Ronchellster wrote: One day you were trapping in a forest. The next morning you went to see if any of the traps worked, but what you find is not a rabbit, but a wererabbit.

What happens now?

I walk up to the strange, grey wererabbit while holding a gun towards it. Almost the instant I realize it's leg is injured I drop the gun and help it remove the trap from its leg. I help her to her feet, but only after helping to bandage up her leg.

"Excuse me sir, are you . . . are you a doctor?"

No I'm not, but - as I'm sure she wants to know if I'm good with wounds - I lie and say that I am. She smiles as she leans against a nearby tree and begins munching on a carrot. "Eh . . . what's up doc?"

. . . uh, okay? I'm scratching the back of my head when the grey wererabbit suddenly shoves me to the ground, making the black harpy that was about to capture me from behind miss. The harpy turns her head to glare at the wererabbit - and promptly flies headfirst into a tree, stars circling around her head as she begins stumbling around for a moment. To my surprise she quickly gets over it and marches over to the wererabbit who - while I was watching the black harpy - started undoing my pants. "You're desthpicable!"

"Ain't I a stinker?"

With that the wererabbit attempts to kiss me, but is dragged off of me by the irate black harpy. It's not long before the two of them get into a fight - meaning that as they lunge at each other it stirs up so much dust that I can't see a thing save for stars and flashes that come from the dustcloud.

I'm startled to soon find an orc helping me to my feet. "Hi there. It's a plea-plea-plea-plea - nice to meet you. Could I show you my domai-domai-domai-domai-domai - home?"

Uh. . . sure? With that we start walking away, only for the wererabbit and the black harpy to immediately pounce her, causing another dustcloud as I hear the sounds of yet another fight. There's the distinct sound of an anvil dropping, but besides for that I can't really tell what's going on in the cloud.

Okay. . . I'm not sure if I want to know any of them better. I mean, sure this is entertaining, but I'm not sure I could put up with this 24/7. With that I slowly slip away, which turns into 'very quickly fleeing' when the black harpy suddenly shouts 'Hey, he'sth leaving!'

With that all three of them take off after me down the trail. While the black harpy does try to fly, the wererabbit slows her down by lassoing her with a rope that's attached to an anvil. Thanks to that and a whole lot more shenanigans, I'm eventually able to get so far ahead of them that they can't see me anymore.

That's when I hear the horse-drawn carriage rapidly catching up. Upon turning around I find the black harpy, the wererabbit, and the orc are all fighting for the reins as the horse carriage rapidly approaches me. I barely look ahead in time to stop myself from running right off a cliff. It's only thanks to an elf quickly grabbing me by the hand and dragging me out of the way that I don't get caught in the out of control carriage, which drives itself and its passengers right off the cliff. But the strange thing is that it takes the fighting trio nearly five seconds before they actually start falling - about the time it takes them to realize they're no longer on the carriage, actually.

"Oh, that fall is going to hurt."

"They'll live. Come on, we need to hide. They'll be back soon."

With that she brings me to a nearby bush, making sure I'm well hidden before putting a finger to her lips. "Shh. Be vewy, vewy quiet."

With that she begins sneaking away, looking up and down the trail. While she's keeping a sharp eye out for the mamono, it's not long before a hand suddenly grabs my own and I'm silently dragged away by the orc. After dragging me quite a ways she stops and leans in to give me a kiss right as the black harpy grabs me in her talons and takes flight, stopping only long enough to put a black, circular bomb in the orc's hands, which the orc ends up kissing by mistake. The harpy covers my eyes as we hear an explosion. Well, uh. . . I guess that's one problem solved, two more to go. ..

But as it turns out, upon looking down I'm startled to find that the only damage done is that the orc has a bit of ash in its face as it glares up at the harpy. The harpy just gives a loud "WOO HOO!" before cackling to herself. "Glare all you want, Porky, but you can't get me up here!"

According to the massive hammer that's flying our way? Oh, yes she can. But the harpy doesn't see the hammer as she starts talking to me. "Pardon me mithster, but are you thsingle?"

CLANG. The harpy drops me as the hammer smashes into her face. Yet again, for whatever reason there's no permanent damage done. She just rubs her face for a bit before glaring at the orc, before it suddenly occurs to her - and the orc - that I'm now plummeting down to the forest.

I land on an incredibly cushiony bed that has no actual reason to be there. Again, logic has given up on me: there's no damage to me at all.

"Hey, this is no time to be taking a nap!"

I get up with a start to find a guy standing to the side of the bed. The man soon sighs as he grabs out a scroll. "Look, there are three crazy mamono in this forest. Three crazy single mamono. What I have here is a royal decree that states I am to help any unfortunate souls - such as you - to escape them. Come on, I'll lead you out."

Oh thank god, I was starting to think it would never end. As he helps lead me through the forest I ask him about the mamono. "Well, the three of them usually get along okay except for when it comes to boys. There's a black harpy, an orc, and an elf. So long as you steer clear of them doc, you're safe. But as soon as one sees you, all the others will come racing to you and it will be the most violent yet funniest chick fight you will ever see."

. . . So nothing I didn't know already. While I give a light sigh, I nearly thank the man before I realize he missed one. "Hey, what about the wererabbit that . . . did you just call me 'doc'?"

The man grins as a rabbit tail pokes out of his pants, and his hair lifts to reveal two grey rabbit ears. Now that I'm actually looking at him. . . uh, her, the disguise is actually really obvious. She just giggles before pinning me to the ground and attempting to kiss me.

"YEOUCH!"

She leaps up into the air, and upon doing so I can see an arrow in her hindquarters. I make to get up - only to be immediately pinned down and find myself in a very hot kiss with the elf. As I'm reeling in shock the elf smirks before glaring at the wererabbit. "He's mine, you wascally wabbit!"

The harpy chucks her off of me before landing on top of me. "Mine!"

The wererabbit immediately shoves the harpy off of me. "You stay out of this, pal! He doesn't have to be mine!"

"Well, too bad because I thsay he DOESTH have to be yoursth!"

Wait. . . what? The wererabbit just shrugs before daintly climbing on top of me, with the harpy helping her into position. "And because I thsay thso, he DOESTH! Now rip off histh pantsth and thstart - hey, wait a thsecond!"

The elf simply sighs as the harpy shoves the wererabbit off of me. "Man, you two give me a weal headache sometimes."

"All's fair in love and war. And of course, you realize this means war."

I gulp as all three of them glare at each other. I get the feeling this is going to turn into another crazy fight.

"Wa-wait!"

We all turn to find the orc running into view, panting heavily. "S-so, we all want him, right?"

"Ya got that right, buthster!"

"Weally much."

The wererabbit just nods with a raised eyebrow before gently gesturing for the orc to continue. The orc takes a few seconds to get her breath back before she talks again. "So what's wrong with sha-sha-sha-sha - sharing him?"

". . . huh. I would never have thought of that, porky."

"That's a weally good idea."

"So we're all in agreement?"

Oh thank god, at least I don't have to put up with more wacky hi jinks for now. I can't help the sigh I give as the four of them shake hands. The harpy then smiles as she helps me to my feet and hugs me. "Ya hear that mithster!? Ya got a harem now, you lucky bathsterd!"

Yeah, I guess so. Not really what I was expecting, but as all of them swarm me with hugs, I can't help but smile. They're really cute when they're not at each other's throats.

"So uh . . . who's going fiwst?"

. . . oh boy.

You would not believe how much fun I had making this. I even looked up some of the old shows, in particular 'Rabbit fire', 'Rabbit Seasoning', and 'Duck! Rabbit! Duck!'. Didn't look up any info for Porky, that was easy to remember.

Oh, and as for Elmer Fudd being an elf. . . well, the other option was making him a cupid.

Edit: Just cleaning it up, including a few more references and making Daffy - i mean, the harpy's talking a little more legible. Proof-reading, really.

"Tha-th-th-tha-th-that's all folks!"