User blog:Serraxas/What Do?- Dragon Edition.

The question-

You are a mercenary, and one day, while looking for work, you receive a message from a town constantly being attacked by a rather powerful, and quick, dragon. You set out to the village, defeating several mamono on the way.

Eventually, you reach the village, and after a quick briefing, you go towards the Dragon's mountain lair. You see her, and accidentally alert her to your presence, though she hasn't yet attacked. You are equipped with a sword, a dagger, and a crossbow, and you are very fit for somebody of your age.

What do you do?

My answer-

Having lost the element of surprise, I level my crossbow at her chest and fire, before casting it aside- I know one arrow's not going to cut it, and reloading will take too long, but it's a useful distraction. As she effortlessly sidesteps it, I roll to her right flank and hurl my dagger at her head.

It hits hilt-first, making an almost-cartoonish "bonk" as it bounces off her and merely causes her to smile as if watching a child playing war games. In retrospect, I wonder why I thought reading about heroes doing that kind of thing in the books I read as a kid would be enough to overpower the laws of physics and 50/50 chance.

Shit... all I have now is my sword, but if I get into melee range with her, I'm fucked. Literally. Suddenly, in a flash of inspiration/idiocy, I remember that she wants me alive at the end of this, so I hold my sword up to my neck, saying, "FREEZE! OR THE MAN GETS IT!"

Okay, it was probably idiocy, not inspiration. Seeing this odd display, the dragon simply tuts, strides over, wrenches my sword away, dope slaps me and tells me that I'd better not do anything this dumb when we're married (even if it is kind of adorable). She then tears off my clothes, kisses me passionately, hauls me over her shoulder easily and carries me off to our honeymoon.

Man, dragons are tsundere as FUCK.