User blog:Regulus Lion/Hercule's Twelfth Labor

"Let's see 'ere...." Hercules grumbled as he carefully unraveled a crinkled scroll. "Hmmm..." he breathed as he read the messy words written by the king. He squashed the paper into a ball and tossed it aside. "Ha! So that l'il idiot wants a wife eh? Bring 'im a 'ellhound eh? I see what's goin' on 'ere!" He burst into another bout of hearty laughter. His deep booming voice echoed eeriely off the walls of the cave.

Soon, as Hercules descended deeper and deeper into the earth, the tunnel became pitch black. However, the bulky hero just kept walking and didn't even light a match. "Goodness. So that's what that whining dog wanted all along! The golden belt of the amazonesses, the excess holstaur milk from Geryon! All for the other dog that's going to accompany 'im. Pathetic." the hero gruffed to himself.

However, Hercules couldn't help but feel a bit lonely. "Even a scrawny dog like Eurytheus can possibly keep a mate." He sighed. Suddenly, a sick, dark light came into vison and soon, the sinister River Styx loomed before him. Hercules cracked his knuckles. "Well, let's just get this over with."

Step by earthshaking step, he advanced towards the only boat in sight. "Get outta the way!" he growled to the souls before him. The white, expressionless beings shrank in terror.

He strode to the boat and towered over it's lich captain. "S-s-sir, I-I need y-you to...." the boatwoman started.

Hercules paid the frightend lich no heed. "Get me to wherever the hellhounds are."

"But the fee-"

One glare from the gargantuan man was enough to make the next words die in her already dead throat. "Make it snappy, or I'll make you snappy." Hercules smashed his fist into a nearby rock and cracked it to spliters. He gave a deafening growl that shook the nearby skeletons and zombies to their bones. The lich gulped and lowered her long oar into the dark river. She gave a push and the boat started to row.

Within minutes, Hercules heard feral howling and barking. He motioned for the lich to row him to the dismal bank. The lich looked alarmed and said, "But sir! The hounds here are WILD! They'll tear you apart! Why not I row you over to the pound? The hellhounds there are quite tame." She lowered her head and didn't meet Hercule's eyes.

Hercules stared at her and laughed suddenly. "Ahahaha! Tear me apart! Precious! AHAHAHAHAHA! Nice one, babe! Tell me, what's your name?" Hercules had regretted threatening her earlier, but he really needed a ride.

The lich looked up in suprise. "It's Charon. You?"

"Hercules. Now that we're introduced, get me to the pound will ya?"

"Yes sir."

As the boat rowed on, a large, metal gate came into view. A large dark woman with canine features sat next to the gate, picking a bone. The lich carefully pulled up her oar and called out, "Cerby? Are you awake?"

"Of course, ya bone head. Why wouldn't I be? The last time I fell asleep on the job, Hades sent me to be tamed. AGAIN."

The lich giggled. "Speaking of taming, can you open the route to the pound for us?"

"Hmm? What for?"

"This guy needs to go there."

Cerberus looked at the lich's boat, confused. "What guy?"

"RAWR!" Hecules roared as he tackled the hellhound from behind.

"What the-"

"I've go you now!" Hercules grunted triumphantly. Having been caught off guard, the hellhound had no time to fight back. Soon, she was in chains and on Charon's boat.

Charon's eyes widened. "Please don't hurt her!" She pleaded.

Hercules cracked his enormous knuckles again and ordered, "Get me to the land of the living. I've got a puppy to deliver."

"Eurytheus! I've got your puppy!" Hercules boomed.

"Mmmph! Mmmmmmmmph! Mmph!" the gagged hellhound protested. Hercules had her slung over his broad shoulder and the infamous Cerberus did not liked to be called a puppy.

"Get it away from me! It looks sexy - I mean scary!" Eurytheus called from inside his bronze pot.

"Oh well!" Hercules called back. He lowered the offended Cerberus and whispered, "You're future husband is in the bronze pot. Go get 'im." Then he called "Who let the dog out?!" And snapped Cerberus's chains. Cerberus gave a chilling, wild howl, as being on guard duty for millenias can really get one sexually frustrated. She went on all fours and pounced into the bronze pot. Eurytheus screamed and the pot rocked about as shreds of clothing came flying out.

Hercules chuckled to himself and headed back to the underworld. After all, he did have a certain boatwoman he wanted to get back to.