Board Thread:What Would You Do?/@comment-28718853-20160616153604/@comment-44202247-20191023194655

LorialetDreamer wrote: @First Order Snowtrooper

The revolt made sense in the school setting, since this specific place is opprressive to human, and I was reading it considering that it was the character point of view, like when he say thing like " the human men who are seduced by monsters, are always under their charm, and almost can't think for themselves ", but you never questionning this reasonning.

Normally in that kind of scenario mamono would prove them wrong, but in your scenario they don't, it's like The Order are actually right. If you actually think like that, you can just leave the site, because this is not about how bad mamono are.

Also the fact that all human turn against mamono (even the married one) after a one sentence speech, is the most stupid thing I've read all days. Incubus are alway happily married, even unmarried human man or woman are generally well treated by mamono.

Also also, I don't see how a simple revolt in a shcool escalate to a revolt in the whole city/country, it make no sense...

And finally, the reapeated change of POV is a terrible idea, don't do it, it's purely and simply confusing, even without it I had no idea what was happening because there was no indication of time and place.

So yea, I know it's your first story, but not only your writing is terrible (wich is understandable), but you seem to have a very poor handling of the setting, if you really think mamono treat all man as slave and should be eradicated, your on the wrong site buddy... Hmm, thank you for the advice on this one.

I'll take it into consideration for my next response.

By the way, I don't think all mamono treat men as slaves, It was just the perspective of the Order.

Of course, there were some problems to what I wrote, and this was just my first "story', in any website.