Board Thread:What Would You Do?/@comment-31336039-20181120135102/@comment-46053166-20200627194737

"So, is this about the lilim letter or-"

"Yeah, man. It's about the lilim."

My colleague let out a big sigh of his own. He pulls out a shot cup and a large bottle of Jack Daniels.

"I can't kill her, y'know." Replies your friend as he pours a shot for both of them. He and you used to be a part of an advanced and covert paramilitary group that dealt with the occult and the extraterrestrial. Funnily enough, he used to be your squad leader, a Gunnery Sergeant, in fact. After the War with a capital W, he resigned from his post and came to serve as your advisor and unofficial spymaster. "Even with my contacts, I can't just arrange a happy little accident on a goddamn lilim, let alone The Tenth." He continues.

"I'm not asking you to eliminate her." You quickly shoot back. To get rid of a lilim that way is to ask for an immediate death sentence from the Royal Makai (or R'lyeh, as you come to call it during your secret service) itself. "I'm asking you to lure her away from my land. You're aware of what happened to all of those settlements she visited-"

"All turned into Dark Zones, I know. Fun fact, the old man still has an aneurysm trying to clean up that particular mess after Operation Gatecrasher." Your friend drowns his shot, and then he looks upon your eyes. "Look, I know you wanna get rid of Mari before she comes and wrecks everything up, but all I'm thinking right now is that you basically have three legitimate choices. Anything else is too risky to be viable."

"Which is?"

"One: an evacuation plan. I still have Firebrand on speed dial, and she can get a Sk-"

"What the hell, man? I'm not gonna run away and ditch my people!"

“Fine then. Number two: I do have some people in DZ-1 R'lyeh, trustworthy people. They can arrange some assignments for our intrepid lilim away from your place.”

You let out a mindless quip. “You mean, your own lilim wife?”

His eyes darken for a moment with fury and resentment, and the next few words he spits out are particularly toxic: “She’s not my fucking wife. Not even a girlfriend.” Bad personal memories suddenly resurface upon his thoughts, as revealed by his facial expressions.

Regardless, the moment passes away, and the shadows lift away to re-reveal your friend's perpetually frowning face. “Anyways, I still have reliable contacts from high above the court. Not gonna name anyone here, for all we know Mari probably has her spies all over the district. And I can’t guarantee it’s gonna work; the traveling lilim's known to be a wildcard, and she doesn’t follow anyone's orders rather than some of her sisters and herself, so…”

“Well, that’s better than nothing.” You say. “So, what's the next option?”

“You can always go for the 9mm retirement plan.”

Your eyes widen for a bit, utterly in silence, before it suddenly hardens with an unimpressed glare as you remember how to reply to such a phrase.

“What. The. Fuck.” Mutter you, your voice a few decibels lower than usual.

“I kid, I kid.” Your friend mirthfully replies, his hands raised up to placate your nerves. “You think I’m gonna seriously suggest suicide for my former demolitionist?”

Your deadpan stare is almost audible at this point.

“Fucking hell, dude. After all we’ve been through, you suddenly forgot how to handle a little dark humor?”

“Dark humor's usually useful during or after a grueling operation, not before it. We call that tempting fate.”

Your friend let out a small sigh. “Fine then. For the real third option, Central is still around. And so does everyone else in High Command, actually. I can talk to them and see if they can distract her away from your country. I’m sure they'll help you out, just for old times’ sake.”

You look surprised for a moment. “…relying on the organization is not a good idea at all. We left them for a good reason. And did you just reveal the callsign of-“

“First off, Central's gonna be fine. Having diplomatic immunity, being technically non-existent, and being heavily involved in the international intelligence community will do wonders for the man. If Lilith and the rest of the court of R'lyeh can’t crack the old bastard, what chance does her little daughter has? Second, why not? The organization's been sitting ducks there for a long time, and they’ll be thrilled to help a fellow operative in need. After all, we’re still influential even when we technically don’t exist.”

“Former operative.” You say. “Keyword being former. You're at least no longer with them on paper. I’m not a part of them anymore, in both paper and practice.”

“Same thing, really.” Shrugs he. “Still, if you want it to be your backup plan, it’s okay, I can organize that. It’s a bit too few for my liking, though.”

“Everything’s always under planned for you.” You mutter under your breath. You really want more options than a few hair-brained ones coming from your well-meaning but probably overkill advisor, but you don’t have many alternatives here. That, and in your career as a politician, have you ever met such a situation when you have to actively avoid a creature that is on top of the food chain, both physically and politically, here. “Alright, you got the green light. Do whatever you can to get rid of Mari without collateral damage. Again, as long as you don’t attract any attention, you got full reign, but if you got caught, we don’t know each other. Capiche?”

“Crystal, boss. I don’t pack my L-pill on my body for nuthin'.” Replies your friend, before he let out a small chuckle. “Y’know, I miss the old days when you have to call me boss.”

“That’s a long time ago, yeah. About 25 years ago.” You mutter. “I don’t miss those days at all. You were insufferable back then.” Seeing his comically and intentionally exaggerated crestfallen face, you push the knife a bit deeper. “And it’s not just me. Stoner, Merc, Azura, Mox… they all respected and befriended you, but they all thought you had a stick up your ass ever since you’re born.”

“Alright, stop, you’re hurting my feelings, boss. Guess that’s why they called me Buzzkill.” He says. Soon, he regains his confidence, and he glances down his own cup. “So, you up for some more shots?”

Days later, when you are currently dealing with some sort of insurgency backed by the Order and their heroic goons (probably due to you accepting both manonos and humans in your land), you suddenly receive a message. It is through a system that you and your friend use to communicate with each other without anyone spying on you or the contents. You are suddenly more interested in the message than the insurgency report on your table. Quickly you decipher the multiple layers of code words and ciphers within the message, and when you do, the little trinket says:

INSURGENT PLANS, NUMBERS AND LEADERSHIP IN DEAD DROP ALPHA, it says. LOCATION IN THIS MESSAGE. DISPATCH SECURITY FORCES ASAP. It means that he has to get someone to recover the package. Strange, you do not remember telling him to investigate on the Order insurgency. Strange but unsurprising. You turn the object around and sees another longer message just waiting to be decoded. A moment later, the letter reveals this:

PLAN B WORKED; CENTRAL NEGOTIATING FOR NO LILIM INTERRUPTION. TARGET STILL UNPREDICTABLE, LAST SEEN AT DZ-1 R'LYEH. KEEP EYES PEELED FOR DEVELOPMENTS.

Even with the warning on the last sentence, you cannot help but let out a long-holding sigh from the bottom of your lungs.

And also a quick cathartic shout.

“Yes! I’m still alive, you fucking amateurs!” Yell you, uncaring if anyone is within your earshot, which is none, considering that you made your office soundproof.

“Aww, and why would you think I will ever hurt you, mister governor~?”

Immediately you turn around with a weapon taken from a concealable holster to your hand. Hurryingly, you aim your tool of death upon the source of the intruder, and your eyes widen in utter fear when you recognize the silhouette of the large hat and summer dress of the figure.

Right in front of you is the tenth-born of Lilith, the Monster Overlord, herself. Mari the Wandering Lilim, one of many persons you genuinely wish that will never set foot upon your humble abode (in fact, being a lilim is an immediate disqualification,) is currently surely sitting right on your spare chair in the room. Her hair is presently trailing on the chair, her white wings are currently leisurely hanging in the air, and her red eyes are gazing upon your own. More dangerously, you can feel the contaminants radiating off her, even though she does not look angered.

Yes. You jinxed it.

Your facial expression must be hilarious to look at, as the succubus princess suddenly giggles and gives out a calming smile.

“Holy mother of shit…” You frightfully stammer. Thankfully the lilim does not react to your dirty tongue.

“You know, I recently heard that one of my sisters is ecstatic to be reunited with her beloved again back at the Royal Makai. Is that your doing~?” Innocently taunts she, who then shows you a beautiful necklace that is not only more expensive than your entire country, but is also positively caked with contaminants. “She wants me to give you this gift as a thank you. Isn’t it beautiful~?”

You do not believe for a single second of your miserable life that she is unaware of your plan. In actuality, she is doing a very great job of hiding her smugness, which is the only explanation that you will completely accept right now.

“Is there something wrong?” Again she asks, this time a bit more concerned about your silence.

That 9mm retirement plan is becoming more and more attractive to you now.

Fuck this place, you mentally curse, with all the contempt a man can muster from the bottom of your heart. Fuck Mari, fuck Ilassa, and fuck all the lilims. You are sure that your friend Buzzkill would say the same right now if he is not forcefully turned into an incubus or killed himself via lethal injection by now.