User blog comment:Mythadeus/The Best Kind of Worm/@comment-216.58.48.26-20150703033916

Watch your first paragraph. It's you shovelling information at the reader in an awkward manner instead of introducing it naturally. Have the character talk with another character, or do an activity that happens to be relevant to the situation at hand or something.

Anything but random-ass narration about what your character or what the status quo is like, because it starts off your story in a crawl, and you're left trying to catch the reader's attention later on. It's boring, and it probably isn't even plot relevant.

Split your paragraphs up, especially at the points where someone is speaking. It's messy trying to figure out who's saying and doing what when it's encompassed in a giant wall of text. Splitting it up will help the reader flow through your text more easily.

And yea, watch your punctuation. Put periods at the end of dialogue (e.g. "Got you."). Writing a measly 500 words late at night is not an excuse for lax punctuation. If you need more time to go through it, take that time. You're not on the clock or anything.

Try writing a fic with a matango or cait sith for your next story. Should be fitting.