User blog comment:AloofComputer/Do you mind? - Mindflayer/@comment-44242415-20191026213609

Very good story.

I am not a pro writer (not even a writer at all yet) but if I would have one thing to critic, it would be the use of " Later… " as a transition, it's not really an appropriate way of transitionning in a narrative story. It can be hard to think about a transition to go from a scene to an other, but a full fledged sentence, properly integrate in the story would have been better.

But I am saying that because I don't want to come with an empty review that's just saying "it's realy good", there is alway room to improve.

But despite this tiny insignificant detail, it's really really good.