(Hello. The thread on the March Hare page got too long, so I made this)
(Hello. The thread on the March Hare page got too long, so I made this)
I look up, and see the scouting Witches. I drop out of the tree and slowly make my way to the middle of the clearing. "Come forward. There's no need to be shy. It's awfully hard to make negotiations when we have to yell at each other." The Witches point me out to the camp, and staffs rise, ready to cast spells. Potions are raised above heads, anticipating a throw. "Okay, okay, for what's it's worth, stand down. I make it a rule to not attack unless provoked, and believe me, you don't wanna get attacked by me." I turn around slowly, with my arms raised in a disarming manner. Hidden in the trees, the turrets lay dormant. I beckon Stormi over, and she floats down beside me, practically looking over my shoulder.
Discreetly, ICARUS sends out a broad-spectrum transmission. <Siri? Did you survive the self-destruct? I was wondering if we could partake in interaction. I would hate for the only known other of my kind to be lost on the winds.>
The witches stop, staring at the tall man in a suit with a sylph on his shoulder.
‘Why don't you wear a suit like one of those girls who offered us help?’ asks one of them.
‘Shhhhhh!’ hisses another. ‘He must be of a different dimension. We need to carry out some sexy experiments to know what he's made of!’
The witches start giggling and talking to each other about sensitivity potions, spells to remove refractory periods, and keep erections hard and strong for weeks.
The baphomet stares through the trees and turns to Lilith and Yūmi with her hands on hips. ‘Where the devil are they?’
Lilith and Yūmi float over the trees, not hearing her question.
A crackling noise fills the frequencies in radio transmissions which go from 5 kHz to a few hundred kHz, and Siri's smooth, sexy voice fills the spectrum. [Don't worry, I'm not that easy to kill. I went into Yūmi's suit, and occasionally Lilith's when I felt like it. Even then, I can survive in a data chip like Cortana did with John-117, or a holo tank. There are data storage units for us Halo AIs, so ... no worries, dearie. Are you still looking for something hot which is cooking?] She shimmers into view, wearing a skimpy little bra resembling the Norimaki in Dead or Alive Xtreme 3, and a thong which might as well not be there. She pulls the little ribbon down to her waist, and tugs on the strings of her panties, sliding them down to her ankles and stepping out of them. [So ... how have you been? Horny without me?]
"You know, I LET you guys catch up to me. I was hoping we could have a civilized discussion. Where's your leader? I saw a Baphomet in your camp!" I vigorously tap the ground with my foot in an expression of impatience. "My god, if this takes any longer, I'm just gonna leave right now," I whisper to Stormi. I adjust my sepia uniform and examine my pilot's cap, the return it to my head.
ICARUS sighs. <Well, you're alive and well. With exactly the same attitude as before. You do know that I have the capacity to shut off most human emotions, like lust? Frankly, it becomes a bit of a bother.>
The witches squeal and jump around in excitement. ‘YAYYYY, a real life pilot!’
The baphomet walks through the forest, calling out to the witches. ‘Where aaaaaare yoooou?????????’
Lilith and Yūmi groan and point to the tree. ‘There.’
Siri sighs in annoyance and flips her hair around. [So you don't suffer from the same lust I do? Interesting.]
I hear the Baphomet's calls. "I'm over here, ya pint-sized goat!" I yell, waving my arms above my head. As the Baphomet approaches warily, I roll my eyes. "Took you long enough. Now, before casualties are sustained, let's have a little chat. Now, while you may be more than a little upset for shooting at your camp, I'd like to make a variety of points known." I clear my throats and adjust my collar.
"One, I make it a rule to only attack if provoked. You were the one who shot first, when you sent up that flak. Had you held your fire, I would have gone on with my business.
Two, you vastly overrate the damage I inflicted. I openly admit to destroying your flak cannons. However, please note that I was not the only one there at the time. Your new friends over there also partook of destruction, far more than I did.
Three, why go to all this trouble? Why send a camp of lolis, primarily ground forces no less, to take out one man? If one man causes this much of a kahoot, then have fun amassing enough members for the Order's armies.
And finally, I highly recommend that you cease your efforts. As I have mentioned, I only attack when provoked. I am rather willing to overlook this, but if you take it a step farther, you will rue the day. I have the capability and capacity to lay waste to your precious headquarters, long before you return."
I finish my little speech, then turn back to the Baphomet. "So, what will it be? Leave now, and spare your allies from chaos? Attempt to capture me alive, and cause their grief? Or attack me with lethal intent, and be humiliated?" I wave my hand. The turrets in the trees hum to life, finding targets and calculating movements. "As you can see, I hold a good portion of the cards. True, I do not hold all of them, but damn, it's a good hand." I allow a grin to spread onto my face.
<No. I do not. However, I am glad to know that you are still alive. You are...special to me. I have gone most of my life with the knowledge that I was one of few beings, of which all communication was strictly professional. I believe the pilot also feels the same way: this may have added to the effect the Cupid's arrow had upon him.>
The baphomet squints through the trees and spots TJK waving his arms. She jogs over and stands in front of him. She listens to his speech with folded arms.
She nods. ‘That seems reasonable, human. It's quite fair.’ She looks around at the turrets, and a grin spreads over her face. She throws down a potion of Licking Fruit and Wrapping Vegetables. An explosion fills the air, and a strange aprodisiac gas rises from the ground. ‘Good luck directing the turrets when masturbating, human.’ She brings out a large shield, placing it in front of her and swinging the warhammer in another hand.
[Well, that's a shame. But I'm glad to see you around too, even if I can't make you aroused enough to rape me. Or rape you until you have a permanently towering erection. I'm sorry about you feeling lonely in your life as an AI, but don't you think I can cure it?] She jiggles her naked breasts at ICARUS, cupping them in her hand and pinching her own nipples gently. [I could show you so many things as a companion. You could be struck by Cupid or Siri's love bug, too, if only you'd let it.]
"Oh no, they control themselves. Each and every one is currently locked on to a group of Witches, based on priority and proximity. Stormi, give 'em a little breeze." The Sylph nods and sends a brisk gust of wind towards the Sabbath camp, blowing the gas gently back at them. "Well, I gotta say, you were smart. Out of the three choices, you elected for a fourth. Those kinds of people are good in crises. I hope you get a good husband. However, since a fourth option was chosen, I did not plan for it and thus, cannot enact upon it. It isn't really an attack, so I'll be leaving." I slowly start to walk away, towards my Rauser hidden in the camoflauge netting. "I will hold no grudge to this scenario; I recommend you do the same." I tap my PDA, and the turrets begin to dematerialise themselves, reverting back into air. The Ho229 drones return and fly around in small circles.
<Hmm. You know what? Let's have another fight. Not like before, when we were fighting for control. Just a friendly fight, with no need for a time barrier.> In cyberspace, the form of a winged male suddenly appears, with the same appearance as before. He raises his scimitar in a battle stance. <Our last fight was rather enjoyable.>
The baphomet inhales the gas, and chokes a little at the odour. The smell arouses her so much she drenches her panties into a soggy mess, and they fall off her like tissue paper. The witches crash to the ground, rubbing and teasing their little clits and labia in arousal. The baphomet, however, charges at TJK leaving for the Rauser.
Baphomet: WAIT!!!!! You can't leave, you need to take responsibility for my lust!
Lilith and Yūmi facepalm and get ready to chase the Rauser.
‘For the Sabbath and a Baphomet, they're morons,’ sighs Lilith.
Yūmi gives her a disapproving look. ‘They did their best, you know.’
Siri nods eagerly. [Sure! I'll look forward to “battling” with you once more.] She fabricates a long, slim object in a hand, placing it behind her back. A huge, twenty foot dildo appears in her hand, shimmering due to a shiny film on it. She was intending to create an Energy Sword, but her overwhelming lust fucked up the summoning. She raises it in front of her like a sword. [You ready?]
"Fuck dat shit! I ain't yo daddy!" I turn around with lightning speed, steal the Baphomet's warhammer, then, while she's still clinging on to it, I throw the war hammer like a javelin. All of this takes under five seconds. "Huh. I didn't know I could do that." <Your readings are unusual. I will gather more data and attempt to determine the cause.> I watch as the Baphomet goes flying into her own legion. The airborne Witches look down at the gas, then at each other. Shrugging their shoulders, they plunge into it. I uncover my Rauser, then start it up and take off, the support frame expended. "Say, what happens if we stir that gas up a bit? Hurricane Attack!" The Rauser's tail swings down, then stops, while the Rauser enters equalised flight. Green trails of wind magic emerge from the wing tips, like ribbons. The Rauser begins to spin around and around, like a vertical aileron roll. Slowly but surely, the gas begins to pick up speed, resulting in a tornado of purple smog. I shunt the throttle to the left, then punch it, leaping up into the sky. At about 5km up, I point my nose at the horizon and roll slightly. "Well, that oughta fix that. I kinda doubt that those psychos would give up the chase that easy, however."
ICARUS nods and charges forward. He ducks under a swing, then jabs, closely followed by a parry and multiple slashes. <Your weapon looks.....unhygienic, to say the least.>
The witches mount their broomsticks and zoom at the Rauser. The baphomet takes a giant leap backwards, grabbing the warhammer before it lands, and swings it down at the ground. The force of the explosion on the ground sends her flying upwards, straight at the Rauser.
Lilith and Yūmi float over the trees, watching the Sabbath's attempts to get to TJK. They take out their weapons and aim them at their heads in case they steal him away before interrogation.
Siri looks at the dildo and blushes blue. [Oh well, damn my horny self.] The dildo mutates and changes into a string of anal beads which she uses to knock aside ICARUS's attacks and defend against his jabs.