In some deep recess in my mind, heart and soul, the date is still January 17th, 1998.
It was the first time I experienced, as a gamer, a theme that I never thought I would have to face.
“....you can’t save her….”
Before, nothing could stop the hero.
The stories we saw on TV, and the games we played. No matter what came before us, we would reach her. We would save her. We would find that happy ending. And that happiness would be ours…..because the game would give that catharsis like nothing else could.
We saved the world for her.
We fought endless nightmares for her.
And none of it mattered. Not the world being saved, not the town, not the glory. It was the one we did it all for…. Not necessarily Aerith… but for her….
And yet, on that one cold evening. When I saw Aerith get run through with Sephiroth’s sword…. I just knew that no phoenix down would make that right.
But epic twists were not exactly new then, and I- like others, felt that there had to be some way.
And, as in the primitive days of the internet you searched for some way to bring her back. To save her.
You saw screenshots, you heard the rumors, the endless ‘requirements’ and easter eggs.
There were the cheap hacks. But none of that changed the code. What the makers intended.
And it was then, many gamers experienced for the first time; a death that no save state could undo. No herculean effort could fix, no matter how long you grinded, no matter what. She was gone.
And, like in the seven stages of grief; you turn to bargaining.
You forget Aerith and turn to Tifa. Your heart raced to see her and you go on the date in the Golden Saucer….the moment ‘interrupted by fireworks’ played…….
…..and nothing…..
The game denied that to you too…..the creators knew that you would turn to Tifa...
Is it any wonder then that Jessie is given more attention in the remake?
The soulless and heartless f-ckers don’t understand anything about what happened and what made it all special… as tragic as it was. They just want money.
I have never played the remake. I never will.
I never played the game again after I was denied Tifa; believing that Aerith was the wrong choice and a happy moment could be had with Tifa.
And I will never give a penny of my money to Sony or Squaresoft because of the remake. It is an insult to all who experienced that moment.
That moment is not an episode you can play as a rerun. You cannot capitalize that moment like you did before!
The only other thing that comes even close is Master Chief and Cortanna… but even then, it was ruined in the very next game….. always the money…..always the f-cking money.
You didn’t even let the gamers of that generation mourn as the gamers from my generation did.
There is a reason why FF7 stands out for so many.
The physiological ‘itch’ that was always a certainty was forever denied. And all the fan art, the rom hacks, and fan literature will never sponge away that moment etched in my mind.
.
The music, and the way Cloud let go.
Then you saw Cloud speak to Aerith in the movie, and they just rub salt in that wound; hoping to milk the nostalgia and the hope…. to be dashed again.
.
It all turned meaningless as the endless tropes of final fantasy they churn out.
They try to recapture that critical moment, but it's as diluted as a single tear poured into a bathtub of saltwater and having the creators trying to tell you it's the same thing.
.
What are they on now? Final Fantasy 30?
.
And now?
We see the gritty theme of ‘the anti-hero’ , the ‘sad twist ending’ and other imitations that are as commonplace as complaints that ‘things are not like the way they used to be.’
.
And they’re right.
You can only break something once.
And even if you repair it. Even if you try to make it new.
Nothing will take away the fact that it was broken.
.
Gaming will continue its march into a mediocrity that is only matched by commercial-paid programing.
Executives will never value inspired art, beyond how much money it will make them….all the while depriving themselves of an artform that money cannot buy.
.
It is truly the artists and souls of poets that can understand what that moment did. And how it continues to ripple through the generations beyond.
.
You can’t save her.
It’s still January 17, 1998.
And on my 2nd and last playthrough of FF7…. I let Sephritoh kill me at the very end.
Cause the world was no longer worth saving.
Let me join her, if I can't save her.