I agree with the guy above; I would not be putting myself in debt to any gang. In this scenario, since that's already happened, I'd book it and run like hell. If I was known for anything in high school...it was being unusually good at math and English, but aside from that, I was also known for being one fast runner. Thus, I am absolutely going to leg it, leave the Pythons in the dust, and bet on Annie Brooks saving me (even if I have to make a deal with her, but I'll deal with it if it means not having my skull caved in).
I went to a random page and got the Kamaitachi, so hey, lucky me, that's three sets of hands to help me out! And for humor's sake, Annie could be the short one of the trio, but a physical powerhouse and just as intimidating.
I'm still alive and here, just not all that active these days.
Hmm...
Living Doll + Kikimora = Loli Doll Maid
or maybe
Mershark + Jinko = Tiger Shark
Peace out, you bat-shit insane city. You do you, I'll be outta here ASAP, and I won't be visiting for the holidays, nor will I write or send an e-mail.
1. I would normally say "nope" to both of them, but if I absolutely have to choose one of them, I'll go with the Alraune. As long as I can leave the flower to use the bathroom, take a shower, go to work, etc., we're good.
2. Kakuen. Easy. Are you kiddin'? The Devil Bug is on my list of monsters to avoid!
3. Inari. Fox ears. Fox tails. SOLD!! I've got nothing against you, Ryu. You're good, I like you, but the choice was easy (almost as easy as choosing between Devil Bug and Kakuen).
4. Queen Slime. I lean more towards slime girls.
5. Mermaid. The Nereid doesn't interest me.
A short and simple answer, but I'm just going to keep up my high-speed escape. I'm going to keep running until either: one, they both give up because the chase had gone on for so long and they decide to go after much slower men, or two, too much distance is put between us and they can't pursue me anymore. For now, I'm going for putting distance between me and them, so I'm going to continue speeding away.
Without saying a word, I immediately book it towards the front door, sprint out of the house, hastily shut the door behind me, and just fucking leg it down the street as fast as I possibly can. I do NOT look back! I only focus on one thing: running away and putting distance between me and the Humpty Egg. "Goddamnit, mom and dad," I think, "you both know I don't like Wonderland or anything from there!" Hopefully, the Humpty Egg finds some other guy to fuck. As for me, I'll enjoy the fresh air and exercise. There's nothing like a good sprint through the neighborhood.
I decline their invitation and go about my day as usual. I go home, lock myself in my room, and spend the rest of the day watching TruTV, playing Dragon Ball Fusions, and being on the internet. Monster girls may be a thing in this world, but my day-to-day life hasn't changed.
While I'm not going to assume anyone on the bus is Prowler, I'm not going to take the risk of running into her, whether she's actually on this bus or not. I put two fingers on my forehead and use Instant Transmission to teleport to my Cheshire Cat colleague, who's already at her house. I'll be spending the night at her place.
I take a step back, holding up a hand. "I'll pass. Take your contract and go bother someone else with it. Besides, I'm not interesting in becoming your 'exclusive property', even if it comes with eternal pleasure,"
The Devil, not discouraged, took a step forward and gave a begging look. "Please sign the contract," she pressed. "You don't know what you're missing out on! I promose you won't regret it."
"We're offering you what could be a once in a lifetime offer," the Demon chimes in. "Perhaps 'property' wasn't the right choice of words. I apologize, but believe me when I say we only have your best interests in mind. We want to make sure you have a secure, comfortable life with all the love and pleasure you could want. Are you sure you don't want to sign?"
A bluish-white energy ball forms in front of my palm, and I take aim at the duo. "I've already given my answer, and I won't be changing it."
Seeing this, the Devil takes a step back and to her sister's side. Meanwhile, the Demon maintains her composure. "There's not much I can say to change your mind, is there?" She raises her hand, which glows pink as she prepares a charm spell.
The two of us are now locked in a standoff. Our focus is only on each other, waiting for someone to make a move. The Devil looks back and forth at us and could feel the tension in the air. For the next few moments, it was silent between us. Without warning, across the street, a man runs out of an alley as fast as he can. He turns to his right and heads down the sidewalk, only to be struck from above by a bolt of magic lightning fired from a Thunderbird.
At that moment, the Demon and I make our moves. She goes to fire her spell straight at me, but in a fraction of a second, moving far faster than she can, I raise my hand and throw the ki blast straight down. Rather than explode like normal, the ball releases a blinding burst of light and propels me high into the air. The Devil and Demon are both blinded and immediately cover their eyes. They don't see me go straight up.
"Agh! Damnit!" As she swears, her hand stops glowing and the magic fades. The light fades just as quickly. The guy across the street collapses to the ground, only to be grabbed and carried away by the Thunderbird.
The Devil and Demon uncover their eyes and open them, but their vision was blurry. Still, one thing they could tell is that I'm gone. "Ah! Where'd he go?" The Devil looks around frantically, but saw no sign of me.
"He couldn't have gone too far," the Demon responds. She takes a moment to get her vision to focus. "I'll search from above. You search for him on the ground." She spreads her wings and immediately takes to the skies.
"Rager that, big sis," the Devil shouts up to her sister. She quickly corrects her vision before running off to begin her search.
Almost a minute later, I peek out from a door on the roof of the building the three of us were standing beside. The Demon was nowhere to be seen. I jog to the edge of the roof and look down to see the Devil on another block, heading into an alleyway. I let out a sigh of relief. Rather than fly and risk encountering either the Demon or any other flying mamono, I head to the opposite end of the roof and jump down into another alleyway. From there, I resume my city escape.
A'ight, sounds good to me.
I do what I've always been doing: LEG IT!!
I could hear the voices coming from the other side of the river, so naturally I get up and speed off in the opposite direction. The loud sounds my high-speed sprint makes – me running through bushes, twigs being stepped on and broken, my footsteps, etc. – attracts the attention of every monster who could hear them, prompting them to run towards the source as fast as they could. Fortunately for me, I was running too fast for most of them to catch up, and had put a huge distance between myself and them. Unfortunately, that was only most of them. Already, I could hear and see trees being knocked over from a Wurm barreling towards me from the front. Rather than dodge to the side, I go straight at her and leap. Narrowly avoiding her arms, I use her head as a foot stool and jump high up and above the tree tops.
Suddenly, a trio of Harpies swoop in, each coming from the left, right and behind, and are ready to snatch me out of the air. I throw a hand down and release a burst of fire, propelling me higher and out of their paths. The Harpies slow down to avoid the blast. With them distracted, I use this opportunity to aim my hand up and release another burst that throws me back down into the forest. I tuck myself in, putting my arms and legs in front of me, and crash through several tree branches.
Once clear of the branches, I untuck and land on my feet. The force of the impact creates a loud bang. I slide forward some before coming to a stop. "Whew... That was a bit of a rough land-" I'm cut off when a Grizzly seizes me from behind with a firm bear hug.
"Aha! I've got you now," the Grizzly happily exclaims. I immediately try to shake free, but she tightens her grip and begins walking away with me. "Oh no you don't! The only place you're going is back to my cave. We're going to have a good time together."
I continue to shake and struggle to get out of her grasp, all while trying to resist the scent of the honey on her right paw. If I succumb to that, it's game over. No matter how hard I tried, I wasn't having any luck getting free through brute strength alone, and fighting the honey's fragrance was becoming more difficult. For now, there was only one option. "You're gonna have to forgive me for this," I say as I stop struggling. The Grizzly looks at me with a confused expression, but then notices my body was getting hotter at an alarming rate. She lets out a sharp scream and immediately releases me before I literally become too hot to handle and she'd suffer any harm. Once on the ground, I cool down and immediately make a break for it. "Sorry about that, miss," I shouted back to her while fleeing, "but I've got no interest in bein' a father!"
Resuming my escape from the forest, I continue to evade all sorts of monsters, both natives to the forests and those not normally found in the forest. I deal with a swarm of hornets, the same Wurm from before multiple times, a tribe of Amazonesses, a Dryad trying to snag me with vines and tree branches, a high-speed chase with a Wererabbit, a web made by Arachne twins, a Thunderbird trying to strike me with lightning, a Dragon of all things, and so on. Eventually, I manage to get out of the forest and fortunately with all of my clothes still on, but simply getting out of the forest didn't stop all of the monsters who still want to get in my pants. What ultimately does stop most of them is when I really kick it into high gear, accelerating to mach speeds and disappearing into the distance. ...I say "most of them" because the only monster with no intention of stopping the chase is that persistent Wurm.
I know that I'm not going to survive this night. I don't have the necessary level of skill. At best, I'd make it a few hours before the inevitable happens. So, rather than try to resist, I accept my fate. I remove my shirt, leaving it on the desk, and loosen my pants. "Let's get this over with," I say as I step out from behind the desk. After taking a deep breath, I run full speed into the dark hallway, letting out a loud scream so the dolls know exactly where I am.
Well, I can say the embodiment of fury and murder tasted delicious!
"Ah, I am real hungry at the moment," I say to myself. I tilt my head side to side, popping my neck, and crack my knuckles. I then charge full sprint at the chicken horde and leap into the air before raising my open right hand to the sky. Likewise, the horde of angry chicken jump at me and are ready to rip me apart. Suddenly, their furious expression changes into one of fear when they see a gigantic fireball form above me almost instantly. I let out a loud war cry and throw what was practically a miniature sun down upon the chickens. Upon impact, the fireball erupts into a massive pillar of fire that engulfs the entire horde.
When the mass of flames eventually dies down, all is quiet and the townsfolk are all wide-eyed. Even the chickens that were chasing the Hellhound had gone from rage to silent shock. As for the town, it's somehow still perfectly fine. Suddenly, it starts raining fried chicken. A satisfied smile forms on my face. I catch a piece and take a bite. "It's a little hot, but it's still pretty good." I teleport out for a second, and reappear with a bucket that I use to swiftly catch more fried chicken. Once the bucket's filled up, I casually walk away and head home.
That was a pretty good short story, Bagel. I applaud that.
"I've got one question," I say while holding up a finger. "Does this other world have Wi-Fi?"
Druella pauses for a moment, confused. "...Wi-Fi?"
"Yes, Wi-Fi, wireless internet; it's what lets me access and surf the internet on various electronic devices, such as laptops and phones," I explain. "It also lets electronic devices communicate with each other."
"We don't have this 'Wi-Fi'," she answers, "but what you..."
"No Wi-Fi, no deal!" I interrupt her mid-sentence.
My sudden response momentarily stunned Druella, but she regains her composure. "You didn't let me finish," she responds. "You'll find something so much better than Wi-Fi: a life of endless happiness. You'll be married to a beautiful woman, who will not only be completely devoted to you and be the perfect wife for you, but will give you all the love and pleasure you could ever want. It's a dream come true."
I shake my head. "While the idea of a loyal and loving wife who will give me all the sex I want does sound awesome, I choose Wi-Fi over waifu. It's a huge part of my life, so I'm not gonna simply give it up and follow you into that portal. Sorry, miss, but you're not changin' my mind on this one."
"You're a stubborn one, aren't you? I'm offering you what many, many men – both in my world and in yours – would die for. You might not get an opportunity like this again."
I chuckle. "I'm well aware of what I'm turning down. I said it before and I'll say it as many times as I have to: no Wi-Fi, no deal."
Druella sighs, seeing that she won't be changing my mind. "That's a shame. I suppose I'll have to look for someone else." She turns to leave.
"Yeah, good luck with that," I say while resuming whatever I was doing on my laptop. I hear Druella walk back into the portal, and then the portal close after she left.
I reach into my pocket and take out a small pack of tissues. I remove one and start cleaning my nose. "Did you just plain forget, or are you going commando today?"
"Oh, that?" The Hizenumi gets out of her stance and shrugs. "I usually don't feel like wearing panties. It's more comfortable. Is that going to be a distraction?"
After I finish cleaning my nose, I shake my head and put the tissue pack away. "Nah, it's fine. Not to sound like a perv or anything, but I won't mind. You just caught me by surprise." I ball up the bloody tissue and toss it into a nearby trash can.
"Are you sure you'll be fine? I don't want you losing because of this."
I give the Hinezumi a thumbs up. "I'll be A-okay, trust me." I get ready to fight.
The Hinezumi nods and takes a fighting stance again. "If you say so, then alright." She and I resume our fight.
When they're not looking, I grab the laser pointer and activate it. The red dot grabs their attention again and I use it to lure them outside of my house. Once they're out and a short distance away, I slam the door shut and lock it. With the time I bought myself, I run to the basement and shut the door behind me. Not long afterwards, the front door is unlocked by the Cheshire Cat again, but fortunately for me she didn't see where I ran.
While the six felines are searching upstairs and throughout the house for me, I run over to a wall and press a specific stone brick. A part of the wall slides down to reveal a hidden stairway going down and into an underground room. I run in and the door automatically slides shut after a couple seconds. By the time the monster girls got to the basement, it's too late and they have no idea where I am. After a few hours, I come out of the underground room and see that the six had given up some time ago and left. I breathe a sigh of relief.