"Actually it's not bad at all. The nukes are designed to spread demonic energy instead of nuclear radiation. Now if you'll excuse me I'll be running outside in nothing but my underwear in anticipation of the fun about to begin.
"What the!? These demons have transformed into mamono. Hurry, let's take a ship off Mars while they're distracted!"
"Uhm miss, the Satyros just declared that she would make mens pants and underwear illegal and that she would change the rape laws so it only counts when the female involved is human. She just got nearly all of the mamono votes."
"And I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for you derailing kids!"
"A Hellhound has become a goddess and...I'm afraid the prophecy says that only you can satisfy her lust. You...may not be able to return, and you have no idea how much that's going to break my heart. If you find another way, please use it!"
"Good thing there's more people on this ship than just us two. Now where's that sexy Youko hiding?"
"Honey, I think you transported us too far in time. Granted, the Orcs still look cute, but now they're wearing strange armor, carrying much bigger swords, and are just screaming some weird battle cry. And now I think you should get us back because some of them are rushing toward us and are looking really rapey."
"Oh this is horrible! After Mintendo's collapse a company owned by a Lilim bought the Zéramon license and she's planning on making it a rated-M game with all of the Zéramon becoming mamono! This is truly the darkest day for the franchise!"
"You can sit there and do nothing. My time on this planet is finite!"
"Honey, you know that Youko goddess who says she's going to turn the entire world into a Demon Realm at the end of the week unless she's satisfied? Well, I've been reading this prophecy and it says that only you can satisfy her lust. I've had to read it multiple times to make sure my eyes weren't playing tricks on me and your name is on it. Could you take a look because I'm fairly sure there's been a mistake here?"
"Hon, I suggest you think about this. It says here that whatever game disc the sticker is attached to, it will suck both the attacher and whoever is close enough to him or her into the game world where every single creature and robot will be transformed into mamono versions of themselves. The last part states that we will be trapped in the game world permanently. With that out of the way I recommend that we destroy that sticker."
She turns to find me being hugged by the Wight and Lich.
Phantom: "H-How did you...!?"
Lich: "We followed you."
A hulking Phantom armed with two heavy machineguns blocks the way forward. "You'll never save your precious prince!" she bellows out with a twisted grin as she opens fire (the bullets are made of DRS).
When she finally stops shooting, she discovers that she was shooting at a decoy the whole time. Meanwhile, the prince was already escaping with me
"I know we've been friends since we were in preschool, and you probably think of me as a sister, but..." *wipes away a tear* "I love you! I always have, and I just can't bear the thought of you being with anyone else, or even think about being with anyone other than you! So please..." she reaches a hand out to you and smiles warmly, "will you accept my confession and go out with me?"
"The fact that you assumed that I thought of you as my sister just made this a thousand times more creepy."
Honey, don't panic, but I think we woke up in one of your video games. And...for some reason all of the monsters are mamono. I think it's best we stick together until we figure out how to get back to our world.
"Who's a good wittle poodle? Who's a good wittle poodle?" *pets the poodle much to the Phantom's annoyance*
You're chilling in your apartment when you notice a large yellow eye peering at you from the window. You recognize it belonging to the Phantom who has somehow made herself a giant. "Hey there honey? Want to ride on my shoulder as we stroll across the countryside?" she asks with a grin.
You're in an interrogation room. The Phantom sits across from you. In the corner stand a Raiju and a Dark Elf staring at you. A picture of a cargo truck surrounded by people, you being one of them, is placed in front of you by the Phantom.
"You can cut the crap about not knowing what we're talking about. Where are the condom shipments going? Answer me honestly or the two ladies over there will have to get involved," the Phantom asks with a sneer.
"Eh? That's just the lightning weasel appreciation society getting its latest shipment of Raiju body pillows!" *Wiggles eyebrows at the Raiju*
The Phantom sits staring into a glass of gin. "Fucking Dragons, what have they got that I don't. They're rich? I'm rich! They're powerful? I'm powerful! What makes those scaly bitches so popular, huh?!"
"Well, considering they can rend apart steel with their claws and breath fire, I'd say that puts them leagues above you."
dodges glass thrown by Phantom*
It's late at night and you're in an alleyway surrounded by three scantily clad human women brandishing weapons laughing and discussing how they're going to rape you.
All of a sudden, a dark figure appears and beats all three women into unconsciousness. The hero is revealed to be the Phantom who smiles at you and asks, "That takes care of those punks. Are you alright sir?"
"Do you mind not crashing our wedding? You're upsetting my wife, which reminds me. I do!" *kisses vampire*
*Drugs the food you're eating with potion of pedomorphosis while you're not looking* *comes back when you've shrunk* "Ara Ara! What have we here? Do you want to play a 'special' game with me, sweetie?"
"Wait what are you-oh my lord that damn Danuki set me up!" *storms out of the establishment fuming*
"Honey come quick! Something's happening outside!" the Phantom calls, gesturing you over to the window where there is a bright light outside. However, this is a distraction to allow a Mindflayer to sneak up behind you and slip her tentacles into your mind.
The man runs over to the particular canine woman affiliated with a spiked black collar adorned with a single wedding ring attached to it, only to be lunged at by said woman, relieved to see her mate safe amidst this chaos. Largely ignored by the rest, she softly rubs her nose against his, a smile arming her teeth and clawed hands resting on his thorax.
"You have been selected for a random 'extended' searched, traveler. Leave your bagage here and let us go to the searchign room for a 'deep' analysis".
"Wait, wait, wait. I already have a hellhound girlfriend. I have no stake in this. Are you here on the behalf of this old janitor? Seriously? Dude, tell him we were willing to clean up the mess we inadvertably did. He can't just discriminate them all because we accidentally knocked over his stuff, that's not fair! I ain't moving, gal, she's picking me up after work!"
"Muhahaha! I got you dangling by yer fillies, land-lover! Now, thee fate can end at the bottom of Davey Jone's locker, or at my quarters for some 'trasure hunting'? What say you?"
And there he went, casting a line alongside some previously shading lady for her refusal to move from her eye bands. Christopher had a fine time casting his line in cojunction to her. A simple story, etched in her mind. A slow uprising to a nascent relationship. Unfortunately, this also means picking out a new hopeful or arrogant to derail over...and over again.
Ok, I'm the new phantom here. And I hear some like derailing. Well, it ain't happening! Why? Bam! You're in a hostage situation, daggers at your throat. And here I am, waiting to rescue you for some due fun int he bedroom afterward. Any inflation not in the lines of 'please save me!' is getting you shived. Pronto!
"Don't look at me, I'm just a passing civilian. Have fun explaining this mess to the public!"
The Phantom, powered by the forces of Demonic Energy, approaches you with a sinister grin followed by a team of powerful Jinkos. "You thought you could avoid me, but there is no changing fate. Now here we are, and there is no escape."
"DAMMIT, CAN YOU NOT MESS AROUND WITH THE EXPERIENCE?!"
The Ocelomeh just gives her an incredibly disappointed look. "Get out."
The phantom is just grinding her teeth in frustration. "What do those stupid other mamono have that I don't? Love? I have plenty of that! Smarts? I have way more brains than them! Strength? I'm strong!"
"Whoa whoa whoa! I am not following along on that!"
You're in a room with a Phantom psychiatrist who asks you, "So these various Phantoms have tried to wrap you into their stories and each time you've shot them down? Care to tell me how long this has been going on and if you feel that there may be a pathway to reconciliation?"
"They ain't gonna hurt me! They'll definitely hurt you though!"
"Oh my gosh we made it! And not a moment too soon. We're safe in this bank thanks to the lights protecting us from the horrors outside, so what do you say we celebrate this close call with some...intimacy?"
Another Goddess crosses the threshold, folding her three arms in great disapproval. Alongside her, a vase, a sigil and an olive branch, all illuminated in a vibrant silver.
She glares solely at the overreaching deity, eyes without lids or irises, her voice, a swath in the void [AND WHO ARE YOU TO TRY TO COERCE A DENIZEN TO YOUR PETTY HEAT!? DO YOU THINK I WOULD SIMPLY LET THIS GO UNHINGED?!]
“Dear oh dear, I have nothing to purchase your splendid apples. But, surely we can come to another term of payment? My grandma dearly needs this early apples”
"Hey look buddy, I'm an engineer, and that means I solve problems. Not problems like 'what is beauty,' because that would fall within the purviews of your conundrums of philosophy. I solve practical problems."
A jinko is heard getting wasted
"For instance, how am I gonna stop some big mean old ghostly mother hubbard from dragging me into structually superfluous stories to make me pound her behind? The answer-"
"-Use a gun. And if that don't work-"
rockets are fired
"-Use more gun."
A ghost is heard getting wasted as well
"Like this, heavy caliber tripod mounted little old number designed by me."
"Built by me."
"And you'd best hope-not pointed at you."
the campfire I'm using is revealed to be a wasted Ignis, as sentries lay waste to every approaching monster, even keeping ghosts away as the Phantom just leaves the scene
She's just trying to rape you and then dump you in a sex dungeon she made in 10 minutes to milk you dry, dark-elf style.
"Ohh...that's what we're here for? Well, ok..." The man approaches the dragon, slowly, softly, looking to sneak in. Only, his hand, arisen in a gesture, lays on the dragon's primal nose. THe getle touch awakes the beast in a semi-startled manner, only for her sight to fill with his presence, softening.
"Are you back, dearest?" She whispers in telepathy, unsavory with using grunts as words.
"Yep" He nods, holding a bag of apples "I got the Zipangu apples you wanted.
"I see..." The dragon's smile quickly turns to a frown "Who. Is. she?"
"Ohh, I was under the impression she wanted to taste one of these. Turns out, she's here to loot you".
"What?!" The dragon immediately rises on top of her massive treasury, to the phantom's dread, green flames peering from her jaw.
"Now, be careful! The cursed village is known to be teeming with ghouls!"
"Hey ladies, your little contest is cute and all but I think you're making my wife mad." *A nine-tailed Inari cracks her knuckles loudly*
"Oh, you finally noticed me. Congratulations! I've been with you for a long time now, Hubby. All those times you thought you ere being watched? That was me playing the long game. Keeping you safe. Whether you want it or not.