Special Agent 069 “Artemis” glowered as she browsed through Walmart’s soup aisle. She quickly noted that her favorite brand of instant noodles had sold out, and added that to her list of grievances for that week. Not that her life had been that great since “the Opening”. She had hoped that her luck had changed once she discovered Chance, but it felt like it had gotten worse. The thought of Chance irritated her further, and she grabbed several bags of instant noodles. He was actually the main cause of most of her grievances. He didn’t catch the subtle hints Verena was dropping him the other day. He also had that weird reaction to the potion that Yuuka had given him. And then there was the monkey oil wrestling incident with the Fey twins. None of the opportunities to trim the tangled web of red string that was his relationships panned out, and every attempt she made intervene ended in disaster. It was almost as if there were some outside force was attempting to thwart her. Of course it wouldn’t have been the first time either.
Artemis couldn’t help but remembering the good old days as she waited in line to pay for her noodles. She was one of the best agents of the Cupid Corps back before the “Opening”, and had made a name for herself meddling in the love lives of nobles. Affairs, arranged marriages, political alliances, and blood feuds were just some of the obstacles she needed to overcome to make sure that true love blossomed, and she relished every second of it. She had masterfully managed to solve romantic issues that would make most cupids faint, but why not Chance? He wasn’t rich, powerful, romantic, or even that attractive, so how did he manage to accrue such a large harem? He did seem nice, but that shouldn’t have been enough. Maybe it was his ass? He did have a nice ass.
“E-Excuse me m-miss?” a teenaged cashier asked, breaking Artemis from her thoughts. The young man was blushing as his older tritonia co-worker/wife pressed against him to whisper instructions seductively into his ear. Artemis nodded with a false smile before handing her bags of noodles to him. This was why she didn’t like mamono. They were much too open with their relationships! Even Artemis couldn’t help but feel a little jealous after watching all the happy couples and their PDA! It was much more tolerable back home where she could have some hunky noble after retiring from a long fulfilling career, but the only things that could distract her here was her crappy part-time job cleaning toilets and Chance. “T-that’ll be n-ninety eight d-dollars p-please,” the teen said as the tritonia slipped a hand down his pants. Artemis silently paid, and rushed out of the store before the couple could start having sex. She had somewhere else to be anyway.
After running a few more errands, Artemis returned to Observation Base #1: the Treehouse. She quietly watched as Chance helped a few cait sith clean Mrs. Richardson’s yard. There had been a “storm” the night before, and the “wind” had made quite the mess. And with most of the cait sith hung over after “someone” gave them several bags worth of cat nip, Mrs. Richardson had to call Chance over to help. Artemis patiently watched a shirtless Chance shirtlessly clean the yard without a shirt until the elderly succubus brought him a glass of iced tea. He stopped to talk as he drank the cold beverage, and the cupid got excited when it looked like he was having a tender moment with his neighbor. It was short lived however as an ugly, old white panel van pulled up. Gloria the lizardman and Lucia the werecat got out of the van, and the potentially romantic moment was lost. It was obvious that Chance had called them over to help, and Artemis silently cursed the power of friendship to the high heavens. Her plan now seemed primed to fail at any minute, and the demotivated cupid continued to watch for a slim chance of success.
It was all too irritating. Artemis’ mood was souring by the minute, and watching Chance and his floozies wasn’t helping. It didn’t help that she was running out time and options. Mamono were very dependent on love, which made it easier to empathize with each other. This would lead to the mamono bonding over their love of the same man which would lead to a harem, and that was what Artemis was trying to avoid. Harems were a quick fix for lazy cupids, and were far below someone as skilled as Artemis. She had never once failed to help someone find their one true love, and she wasn’t going to let Chance be her first. Unfortunately her string of failures was costing her time. Chance’s suitors had already begun to “team up” after all, but he didn’t seem to care. She watched him laugh and play around, completely ignorant of all the work she was doing for him and his future happiness! He probably wouldn’t even mind getting a harem! Disgusting! Pervert! Womanizer!
A sudden scream broke Artemis away from her thoughts, and she looked out to see that Chance had tripped and crashed into Gloria. They had both fallen to the ground, and Chance had somehow managed to wedge his face between the lizardman’s breasts. He tried to get up, but then found himself inches from Gloria’s face. Artemis watched excitedly as it looked like they were going to kiss, and briefly considered pulling out her bow. She then remembered that Gloria and Lucia were working together, and groaned. It was such a shame too. The lizardman and the werecat were Chance’s childhood friends, and thus had great potential as lovers. Unfortunately they were much too loyal for each other to want to take him for themselves. She watched as they awkwardly separated themselves, and quietly sighed in relief. The mission was another failure, but at least Chance didn’t have a harem.
It didn’t take much longer for the group to finish their cleaning, and Artemis decided to start cooking some of her instant noodles while they headed inside. She was hungry after all, and nothing else was likely going to happen. She pondered at what she should do next as she used her camp stove to boil some bottled water she had brought in a pot. Unfortunately she didn’t know what to do. She had tried almost everything save filling him with lust arrows. It wouldn’t be hard. Just get Chance alone with one of his suitors, hit both of them with an arrow, and sit back to watch the display of carnal passion. Artemis rarely considered using her bow for anything other than a last resort, but the idea seemed particularly appealing today. Just thinking about Chance kissing someone just made her want to fill him with arrows. It couldn’t be with just anyone though. Her arrows could make anyone fall in love, but they would work the best with someone who would lose all control. Someone so desperate that they’d pin Chance down and rape him in a lust fueled craze. It would certainly entertain her more to see Chance shamefully submit as his own passions ran wild. She might even get to shoot his cute butt! A plan quickly formed in Artemis’ head, and she planned on getting started right away! After she finished her noodles of course.
Chance found himself driving to the city park a few days later. He didn’t really want to, but a certain unlucky minotaur had asked him for help with something or another. He wasn’t particularly worried about Pasiphaë attempting to rape him. History had proven that her attempts to force herself on him were doomed to fail. The problem was actually the park itself. It was a beautiful little slice of nature with cobblestone paths running through a beautiful forest, a meadow that drew in picnickers like bees to honey, and an intricate fountain at its entrance where lovers gathered. It was picturesque, but it also attracted many of the wilder mamono. The roving packs of werewolves, the infamous hellhound twins, the many variety of slimes, and the loli dark priest who threw punctured condoms at couples were just a few of the reasons that Chance didn’t really want to go. Until today that is. He hoped that Pasiphaë could scare off some of the more troublesome residents of the park just as he noticed a taxi in his rearview mirror.
Still following me huh? Chance thought as he turned into the park’s parking lot. He quickly parked his car, and made his way to the fountain at the park entrance. Pasiphaë had asked to meet him there, and he eagerly sought out the hulking minotaur. Who didn’t seem to be there. Chance quickly checked his watch to make sure he was on time when he heard something running towards him. He quickly turned to see Pasiphaë charging at him at top speed. The seven foot tall, muscular minotaur was wearing a huge white t-shirt that was pulled taut against her tanned skin. The silver chain she wore around her neck jingled and jangled with all the good luck charms it bore, and the dark brown mop she called her hair was tied back so that she could see. Her deep blue eyes shone with mirth and determination as if she was finally going to accomplish some grand goal. Until the soccer ball crashed into the side of her face. She winced in pain and shock before tripping over the ball that hit her. Chance quickly side-stepped to avoid getting crushed, just before Pasiphaë careened into the fountain. The force of the crash managed to break several pipes, causing water to spray everywhere. Chance stood and looked on in awe at what he had just witnessed. A loli dark priest then suddenly skipped to the fountain, and pelted Pasiphaë with a handful of condoms.
“LOVE NEEDS TO BE SPREAD!!!!” the small demonic nun shouted before running off just as quickly as she had arrived.
“Just my luck…” Pasiphaë groaned as Chance approached.
“You ok?” he asked.
“I’ve been better…” Pasiphaë picked herself up, and stepped out of the broken fountain. She was completely soaked, and her clothes, ruddy brown fur, and hair clung to her body.
“On the bright side it’s pretty hot out today. That water must feel pretty good.”
“It does actually,” Pasiphaë agreed with a smile.
“Lucky you. Although we should probably get out of here before someone makes us pay for this,” Chance said as he motioned towards the fountain. The elaborately crafted statue at its center fell over as if to emphasize his point.
“Good idea,” the minotaur quickly agreed before noticing something. “Uh oh…”
“What do you mean ‘uh oh’?”
“Looks like someone got caught up in my accident…” Chance looked in the direction Pasiphaë was pointing towards, and spotted Gloria clutching her stomach while lying in a puddle created by the broken fountain. The lizardman was wearing a white t-shirt along with a pair of khaki shorts. Her dull orange and black stripped hair was once again in a ponytail, while her drenched shirt allowed everyone to see the beautiful tanned skin underneath.
“Gloria!” Chance shouted as he and Pasiphaë rushed to her side. “Are you hurt?! Need me to call someone?!”
“I’m fine…” Gloria groaned. “So don’t get your panties in a twist.”
“You know what? I think I am going to call an ambulance. It looks like you’ve got a bad case of ungrateful bitch.”
“Joke’s on you. I’m a lizardman. There’s nothing bitch-like about me!” Gloria said as she sat up.
“Besides your attitude,” Chance added.
“I’d say she’s more of a cunt than a bitch,” Pasiphaë said. Chance and Gloria stared at the minotaur in stunned silence.
“What the hell did you just say you cow?!” Gloria snarled.
“I called you a cunt,” Pasiphaë spat back. “Which sounds like the perfect fit for someone who mocks people trying to help them.”
“And what makes you think you can just butt in like that you steroid addict?!”
“Any mamono would do the same thing when someone disrespects her man!”
“I’m not your man,” Chance quickly interjected. “And can we please all calm down for a minute?”
“But she called me a cunt!” Gloria snapped.
“And she blatantly disrespected you!” Pasiphaë loudly added. A crowd had begun to form to watch the argument, and Chance pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.
“Maybe we should introduce ourselves…” Chance said before putting on a strained smile. “Pasiphaë, this is Gloria. We’ve been friends since we were kids. It might have sounded disrespectful, but that’s kind of how we talk to each other.”
“Oh. I guess that explains how you knew her name right away…” the minotaur mumbled bashfully.
Chance turned to Gloria before saying, “And Gloria, this is Pasiphaë. She’s one of the mamono from the other world I’m friends with. She was just trying to defend me. It was a misunderstanding. Please just let it go.”
“Fine. I guess I can let it slide for now…” Gloria mumbled.
“Great. Now, in all seriousness, are you ok?” Chance asked once it looked like everything calmed down.
“That ball got me pretty good, but I’ll live.”
“Sorry about that by the way,” Pasiphaë said remorsefully. “It must have hit you after I tripped over it.” She offered Gloria her hand, and effortlessly lifted the lizardman to her feet.
“Don’t mention it.” It was then that Chance noticed that Gloria’s drenched shirt was very transparent, and that his friend had opted to not wear a bra that day. He looked away from Gloria’s C-cup breasts, only to notice that Pasiphaë shirt was just as transparent as the lizardman’s.
This didn’t escape Pasiphaë’s notice, and she quickly looked at Gloria before grumbling, “I’m a woman too you know…” Chance then remembered that the minotaur had a slight complex about her muscular, but flat chest.
“S-sorry about that Pasiphaë…” Chance apologized, which elicited an annoyed grunt from the large minotaur. She then cast another glance at Gloria before mumbling something about her luck.
“Huh?” Gloria asked before finally noticing that her breasts were on display for the world to see. She covered herself with her scaled arm before asking, “Anybody bring some spare clothes?”
“Sorry,” Pasiphaë quickly answered.
“I don’t have any clothes, but I have a few beach towels in my car,” Chance mentioned.
“Why do you have towels?” Gloria asked.
“Mom and Dad were hoping to bring the goblins to the pool one of these days, so I needed to go buy some. I figured I could just leave them in the car until we needed them.”
“Well we certainly need them now.”
“Let’s go get them then,” Pasiphaë said before they began to make their way back to the parking lot.
“I hope that this doesn’t get in the way of whatever you needed to meet with me for,” Chance said.
“What did you want with him anyway?” Gloria asked accusingly. “You weren’t trying to ambush him were you?”
“O-oh no!” Pasiphaë quickly denied. “W-we hadn’t met up for a while, s-so I figured w-we could work out at the park.”
“Really?” asked the unconvinced lizardman.
“T-then what are you doing here? I-I haven’t seen you around before today.”
“I was follo-,” Gloria began before remembering that Chance was there. “I was following the latest workout trends! They say that jogging around this park is great for cardio!”
“I-It sure is!” Gloria and Pasiphaë chuckled awkwardly.
“You two doing ok?” Chance asked suspiciously.
“N-never better!” Gloria quickly answered.
“I’m doing ok all things considered,” Pasiphaë said afterwards. “Actually… Things are going great despite breaking the fountain. Maybe it’s a sign that my luck’s starting to tu-” Pasiphaë was interrupted as a heart-tipped arrow suddenly flew past her shoulder. It barely sliced open her shirt before embedding itself into the cobblestone path. “What..?” she asked before another arrow ricochet off her horn. It almost hit Gloria before clattering on the ground.
“Someone’s shooting at us!” Chance shouted before scanning his surroundings. Pasiphaë quickly began to search for their attacker while Gloria pulled out her phone.
“We should get to cover and call the cops,” Gloria whispered.
“Good idea, but we need to know where they’re shooting at us from,” Pasiphaë suggested in a hushed tone. She turned to look at Gloria as she said, “There’s no point running anywhere if we wind up running into them.” An arrow shoots past the minotaur’s chest, and pierces Gloria’s phone.
“It came from over there! We should run into the park!” Chance announced in a panic. The trio then quickly ran past the broken fountain, and into the park’s wooded area. Meanwhile Artemis sat in a tree cursing her poor aim. Her aim back home was second to none, but it seemed that she was out of practice. With that said she thought she would have managed to hit the minotaur with that last shot. Why did that lummox have to move?! The cupid took a moment to calm herself down. The hunt had just begun after all. She smiled as she magically refilled her quiver before flying after her prey.
Chance, Gloria, and Pasiphaë ran down one of the parks many scenic paths. They eventually left the path, and ran through the woods. The park’s forest wasn’t particularly thick, but the trio thought the maples, conifers, and elms could help them lose their pursuer. They eventually came across a large oak, and stopped to catch their breath.
“What… Did you… Do?” Chance gasped as he looked over at Pasiphaë.
“I didn’t do anything,” the minotaur quickly denied.
“Are… you… sure?”
“Yeah!” Pasiphaë confirmed with a snort. “Geez. You owe one danuki money, and suddenly everything’s your fault.”
“That’s some attitude considering I was the one who helped you pay back those loan sharks.”
“Sorry to butt in, but could we focus on getting out of this mess!” Gloria snapped. “We can blame Pasiphaë for all of this later.”
“Good idea,” Chance agreed.
“Wait… Why are we agreeing that this is all my fault?” Pasiphaë asked.
“So any ideas?” Chance asked, unwittingly ignoring the dismayed minotaur.
“We could try calling the police on your phone,” Gloria suggested.
“Right,” Chance agreed before reaching into his pocket. He then quickly checked the rest of his pockets. “I think I might have left it in the car…”
“Great. That’s just perfect.”
“Well sorry if I didn’t expect some Robin Hood wannabe to try to kill us today,” Chance spat.
“Well maybe you should have. Maybe they’re after you instead of Pasiphaë,” Gloria growled. Pasiphaë sighed before lightly smacking the two of them. “Ow! What was that for?!”
“You were the one who said we should focus,” Pasiphaë chastised. “Now I think we should try sneaking back to the parking lot.”
“Won’t that mean running into whoever’s chasing us?” Chance asked.
“Maybe, but he wouldn’t be expecting us to double back,” Gloria added. “If we’re careful we might be able to sneak past him.”
“That definitively sounds better than just hiding out here, and hoping that he misses us,” Chance agreed. “We should head back after we rest for a bit.”
“Why don’t we go now?” Pasiphaë asked. “I’m not exactly tired.”
“Neither am I,” Gloria said.
“Ok, maybe I need a quick break,” Chance admitted.
“God you’re out of shape.”
“I’m not out of shape. You two are just inhumanly fast! It’s like trying to keep up with a pair of Olympic sprinters!”
“We weren’t running that fast.”
“And you should still try to keep in shape Chance,” Pasiphaë added. “If you don’t have your health then you don’t have anything. I can help you work out a bit.”
“Oh no, no, no!” Gloria quickly interjected. “If he’s going to start working out, then he’s doing it at my dojo.”
“This still isn’t the time for this,” Chance quickly interrupted. “We can talk about working out after we give this psycho the slip!” A couple more arrows fly past Pasiphaë’s head, and imbed themselves into the tree. The trio screamed, and quickly ran to the other side of the tree.
“What the hell?!” Gloria shouted. “How’d he find us so fast?!”
“They could be a mamono,” Pasiphaë mused. “There’s a few of us that have super senses or are expert hunters.”
“That still doesn’t explain why they’d be after us,” Chance said.
“Geez. I wonder why a mamono would try hunting down a guy,” Gloria said sarcastically. “How will we ever solve this mystery?” A couple more arrows barely miss Gloria, and she shouts, “How’d they get behind us?!”
“They might be flying, or there might be more than one,” Pasiphaë explains as they turn to face their attacker. They find nothing but the surrounding trees, which cast as oppressive atmosphere upon the trio. A few more moments of dreadful silence passed before a couple more arrows shot past Chance’s shoulders. Gloria snarled, and rushed into the clearing.
“HEY YOU! You should come out and fight me! Not hide like some cowardly, god damned, son of a motherfucking bitch dy-.” Artemis looked down on Gloria from the safety of her tree as the lizardman continued her expletive filled tirade. She was certainly having issues with her aim today, but wasn’t sure why or how she was having trouble. However the lizard’s challenge sounded like an excellent diversion, and some cupid CQC could help work out some of her frustration. Artemis smirked before floating down to the ground.
“Gloria! What are you doing?! Get back here!” Chance shouted as he watched his friend yell curses at the forest.
“What? Don’t you think I can take this fucker on?!” Gloria asked incredulously.
“Of course not. The first step to fight a sniper isn’t to get into the open and challenge them to a duel! Get back here!” Chance said before he noticed a figure walking out from behind one of the trees. The woman with light brown skin wearing a baggy grey hoody, blue jeans, and aviator sunglasses seemed very familiar, but he couldn’t quite recognize her. Her pink recurve bow marked her as their sniper, and her smirk revealed her absolute confidence.
“It’s about time you showed yourself,” Gloria snarled as she glared venomously at Artemis. “Now let me show you what happens when someone comes after MY MAN!”
“You’re what now?” Chance asked as Gloria launched herself at Artemis. The cupid use her bow to deflect Gloria’s punch, and retaliated with a vicious kick to the lizardman’s side. Artemis used her bow to continue her assault, only to have it blocked by Gloria’s scaled arm. Gloria then countered with a palm thrust that managed to push Artemis back. Unperturbed, Artemis pulled an arrow from her quiver and gracefully shot it at Gloria, who was barely able to dodge the sudden shot. The cupid then quickly closed the distance between them, and began pummeling Gloria with her bow.
“SHIT!” Gloria cursed before trying to sweep Artemis’ legs out from under her. The cupid jumped to dodge, and her pink wings materialized to carry her out of reach of Gloria’s following attack. Artemis landed as she began to wag her finger tauntingly at the enraged lizardman. “You dirty bitch! That’s cheating!” Artemis shrugged her shoulders, clearly not caring about fighting fair in any way.
“A cupid… She’s a cupid…” a stunned Pasiphaë muttered.
A puzzled Chance glanced at the minotaur as he asked, “A cupid? You mean those little baby angels?”
“I don’t know what you mean by ‘little baby angels’, but cupids are angels associated with Eros,” Pasiphaë explained as the fight continued. Gloria was able to easily keep up with the Artemis, but the cupid’s cold, precise fighting style was keeping the lizardman on her toes. “They go around using their arrows to help people find love. I never thought I’d ever actually see one back home, never mind once we came here!”
“You said Eros right?” Chance felt like he had heard that term before, but couldn’t quite remember. He thought about it for a moment before remembering a letter he had found pinned to his door. “Oh… Crap…”
“I think she is after me…”
“I found a letter talking about this Eros stuff,” Chance explained. “I didn’t understand what it was talking about, but I’m guessing she was the one who wrote it. It even had a name one it… What was it again? It started with an A… Ar… Art… Arthur?”
“Yeah, and if she’s the one you sent me that letter… You’ve been stalking me Arthur!” Chance accused as he pointed at Artemis. She shot him a glare for getting her name wrong, and Gloria punched her in the face for her trouble.
“What’s wrong Arthur? You’ve got to keep your head in the game if you think you can beat me!” Gloria bragged, which annoyed Artemis. How dare a walking handbag look down on her! Artemis glared at Gloria as she wiped some blood that had begun to trickle out of her nose. A sudden smirk and flexing wings was the only warning Gloria got before Artemis flew at her at full speed. “Shit!” the lizardman shouted as she quickly jumped out of the way, but Artemis was unfazed. She quickly doubled back and caught Gloria by the tail before she began to lift her into the air.
“Gloria!” Chance shouted as she watched his friend try to break free, but there was nothing he do to stop the cupid’s ascent. Artemis carried Gloria past the forest’s canopy before letting the struggling lizardman go. She then fired several arrows at the falling lizardman, hoping that they’d hit her once she crashed. Chance tried to rush to catch Gloria, but Pasiphaë quickly ran past him. The minotaur dove to catch the lizardman, and used her body to shield her from the rain of arrows.
“Gloria! Pasiphaë!” Chance shouted as watched the hail of arrows fall upon them. He then rushed to their side to see if they were all right. “What the..? They all missed?” Almost miraculously, none of the arrows managed to hit either mamono.
“Just my luck…” Pasiphaë groaned at Chance moved to help her up.
“You look pretty lucky to me… How are you doing Gloria?”
“A bit bruised and I think my shoulder popped out of its socket again, but I’ll live,” Gloria admitted.
“Is that all? You did fall fifteen feet. We should probably get you to the hospital just in case,” Chance suggested.
“Don’t be such a worrywart,” Gloria groaned with a smile. “Besides I doubt she’ll just let us get away.” The trio looked up at Artemis, who seemed genuinely confused. She kept looking at her bow, her hand, and her prey as if she couldn’t understand what had just happened.
“It’s just my luck that the first cupid I ever meet can’t hit the backside of a behemoth…” Pasiphaë groaned. Artemis glared at the trio, her eye twitching with annoyance and anger. She then began to magically refill her quiver.
“She didn’t seem that clumsy to me,” Gloria argued.
“Maybe she’s one of those people who seem pretty competent, but trip at the finish line?” Chance pondered aloud, which prompted Artemis to angrily make more arrows. “Wait… You wanted to get hit by her arrows?”
“W-well… Uh…” Pasiphaë stuttered as a blush crept across the minotaur’s face. “A-a cupid’s arrows make people fall in love, s-so I thought you might feel sorry for me if I sacrificed myself to save your friend…”
“Oh… Well… I can get you a beer if you want.”
“N-no… I was hoping you’d…”
“I guess I owe you at least ten for that save,” Gloria added. “We might have to get you a whole case!”
“I DIDN’T SAVE YOU FOR BEER!” Pasiphaë shouted as she stomped the ground in frustration. They heard a loud crack, and a worrying silence filled the woods. Artemis never noticed as she nocked an arrow. This hunt had gone horribly, but her failure spurred her on to at least finish the job. She wasn’t mad at Chance for calling her Arthur and ignoring her. Not at all. Definitely not. She was ready to fire when a 16 foot geyser suddenly erupted from the earth underneath the cupid. The sudden torrent of water caught her completely off guard, and Artemis crashed into one of the nearby trees. She then fell to the ground, and seemed to hit every single branch along the way. “I didn’t do it,” Pasiphaë quickly denied.
“Sure you didn’t,” Chance said as they watched the wet, tired, bruised cupid try to pick herself up.
“Oh that can’t be good,” Gloria said when she noticed that the cupid’s quiver had gotten caught on one of the branches. It was practically filled to bursting with arrows, so it wasn’t much of a surprise when the branch broke. The quiver was upended by another branch, and its contents rained down upon the helpless cupid below. The trio winced as they watched Artemis turn into a pincushion before their eyes. The arrows then exploded into pink, sparkly dust that hung in the air like a fog. Once the dust had dissipated enough for him to see, Chance saw that Artemis was still lying motionless at the base of the tree. He rushed to her side despite himself.
“Hey Arthur..? You ok..?” he hesitantly asked as he looked her over. Her clothes were wet and torn, her aviators had been smashed, and she was obviously going to have some serious bruises later on, but there were no wounds from the arrows. Chance concluded that it was probably because they were magic. “I’m going to roll you onto your side now,” he announced before rolling the cupid onto her back. He looked her over again, but he didn’t see anything life threatening and sighed in relief.
“CHANCE?!” Gloria called out. “WHAT’S GOING ON?!”
“YOU HAVE TO STAY AWAY FROM THE CUPID!” Pasiphaë yelled, but Chance couldn’t do anything before Artemis’ eyes fluttered open. She looked over, and her beautiful, heart-filled, fuchsia eyes met his.
“Are you ok?” he asked as he watched the cupid painfully sit up. She then suddenly launched herself at him. She began to kiss him with a passion that he hadn’t experienced since the half-forgotten night with his youko boss. He tried to break away from her, but she was determined to stay attached to him as long as possible. She stopped to catch her breath, but continued to cling to him as he struggled to escape. He managed to push her to the ground, but he lost his balance and fell forward. He put out his arm to break his fall, and accidentally pressed his hand onto the cupid’s bruising breast. Artemis gasped in pleasure and pain before becoming a trembling mess as she came. She lost all of her strength for a moment, which allowed Chance the opportunity to get away. Gloria and Pasiphaë quickly rushed to him, and they all watched as Artemis twitched and writhed on the ground.
“What’s gotten into her?” Gloria asked. “She went from trying to kill us to acting like Chance’s mom after her Ladies Guild meetings…”
“That high orc’s been a bad influence…” Chance added solemnly. Artemis’ afterglow quickly wore off, and she began to masturbate furiously in an attempt to maintain the pleasant sensations. “Was she really trying to kill us though?”
“Probably not. She is a cupid after all. She must have somehow found out you were single,” Pasiphaë answered.
“So you’re saying she felt sorry for this loser?” Gloria asked mockingly.
“What makes you think she wasn’t trying to help you Ms. Guy’s-are-too-scared-to-ask-me-out?” Chance countered.
“And I’m obviously not lucky enough to have a cupid want to fix my love life,” Pasiphaë grumbled miserably.
“Don’t say that…” Chance said before Artemis started trying to pull down his pants. “H-hey! Stop that!” He tried to shake the amorous cupid off, but Artemis held strong.
“He told you to let go skank!” Gloria spat before trying to pull Artemis off of her friend. This however only made the cupid hold on even tighter. “Let go damn it! Grrr! A little help please?!”
“Sure, sure,” Pasiphaë sighed before ripping the part of Chance’s pants caught within the cupid’s iron grip. She then quickly pulled Chance away before Artemis could latch onto him again.
Gloria quickly pinned Artemis to the ground before saying, “Thanks! Now get Chance out of here while I keep Arthur busy!” Pasiphaë nodded before she began carrying Chance bridal style to the park entrance.
“Hey Pasiphaë?” Chance asked after noticing that the minotaur was growing red in the face. “I can run on my own.”
“I’ve caught Chance..!” the minotaur said as if she just realized what she was doing. “I-I’m actually holding him! He’s mine!”
“Oh that can’t be good…” Chance tried to break away from Pasiphaë, but was unable to escape her iron grip. Meanwhile Artemis had begun struggling bitterly to break free.
“Geez! Learn to give up bitch!” Gloria growled. The cupid ignored the lizardman’s advice, and continued to fight until she was able to pull a heart-tipped dart from her pocket. She then used it to stab Gloria without hesitation. “GAH! What the fuck?! You’re dead you… Chance?” The lizardman saw Chance watching her with a warm smile. She was confused since Pasiphaë was supposed to get him to safety, but she forgot all about the minotaur when she saw her daughters try to wrestle their father. Artemis managed to break free once Gloria was completely lost in her fantasies, and quickly grabbed her bow. She poured all of her lust and love into creating an arrow with a pure white shaft and a silver arrow head. Artemis ran after Chance once she was satisfied with her confession arrow, leaving Gloria to daydream in peace. Meanwhile Pasiphaë and Chance had stumbled across one of the park’s hiking paths, and the minotaur used it to rush towards the entrance.
“We’re almost there Chance!” Pasiphaë cried manically. “Then we can get married!”
“That’s… That’s great…” Chance grunted as he continued trying to break loose. “Don’t you think we’re going a little fast though? We haven’t even gone on a date yet.”
“First we’ll go have sex at my old apartment to show that Becky bitch who’s boss! Then we’ll go to all the places in town I wanted to fuck you at! Then we’ll go have a nap back at your place followed by some light cuddling. And we’ll finish with you riding me like a rodeo bull until dawn!” It was clear that the virgin minotaur had gone mad with lust, and Chance doubled his efforts to escape. After a bit of wriggling he was able to see behind them, and he was horrified to find Artemis carefully aiming at him.
“I guess this is it then…” he sighed in defeat. “I always knew this park was bad news…” Artemis smirked once she had lined up her shot, confident that there was no way she could miss. Chance would soon be hers in both heart and soul, and the cupid grew excited. She began thinking up a plan to get her new lover away from the amorous minotaur when an enraged lizardman tackled her from behind. Artemis was completely caught off guard by Gloria’s sudden attack, and accidentally let go of her bow string. The cupid watched in horror as her confession arrow flew off course, and struck the back of Pasiphaë’s head. The minotaur stopped in her tracks before the arrow exploded into a cloud of silver dust. Pasiphaë turned to look at Artemis once the dust cleared with a deep crimson blush on her face.
“W-wow… I… I didn’t…” Pasiphaë bashfully stuttered. “I-I’m flattered, but w-we’re both girls. I-I d-don’t even know how we’d d-do it, u-unless we just kind of… Scissor or something…”
“Eh?” was Chance’s, Gloria’s, and Artemis’ stunned reaction as Pasiphaë placed her captive onto the ground. The minotaur then approached Gloria and Artemis like a shy, love-struck teen before ripping off her shirt. Gloria managed to break away from Artemis before Pasiphaë began having vigorous, desperate sex with the confused cupid. Chance quickly ran up to help the lizardman back to her feet.”
“Sooo…” Chance began after a moment watching a minotaur unleash years of sexual frustration upon his stalker. “Should we help?”
“Can we?” Gloria asked back. She pointed at Pasiphaë as she said, “Look at her! I’ve seen minotaurs half as buff bend lamp posts by accident. How’d we be able to break that up?”
“Good point… What if we put something up her butt?”
“No seriously. An anal assault would definitely sap her strength.”
“And you know this how?”
“She’s a very honest drunk,” Chance admitted bashfully.
“Sure. Or we could just leave them alone,” Gloria suggested.
“And we would do that because?”
“Well A: that Arthur bitch attacked us, so I think she’s getting what’s coming to her. And B: it looks like Pasiphaë really, really needs this.”
“You can say that again,” Chance agreed. “I didn’t think lesbian sex could be so… angry…”
“And how would you know what lesbian sex is like?” Chance blushed and looked away, which caused Gloria to laugh uncontrollably.
“W-what’s so funny?! I’m a man, and a man has needs!” Chance argued.
“So you watch lesbian porn? In a town full of monster women so desperate for dick that they’d probably kill for it?”
“It keeps my pelvis from getting crushed. Besides girl on girl is hot.”
“That’s so gay,” Gloria said before turning to walk back to the park’s entrance.
Chance was following close behind when he asked, “How is that gay? There’s no men in it, so that would make it like 50% less gay!”
“If you’re so insecure that you can’t watch a man having sex with a woman then you’re 100% gay in my book.”
“Let’s stop this before it turns into the ‘Are alps gay?’ debacle again,” Chance groaned.
“They’re guys stuck in the bodies of women. That’s like super gay.”
“But you’d be having sex with a woman, so it’s not gay.”
“But their mind’s still a man’s,” Gloria countered. “If that’s not gay, then having sex with Lucia after she has her mind switched with your mom’s incest.” This conversation continued until they reached the parking lot.
“I hate the park…” Chance muttered when he noticed that someone had graffitied his car with images of a loli dark priest having sex with large disembodied penises. “Did you need a ride?”
“Thanks, but I’ll be ok,” Gloria declined. “It isn’t too long of a jog from here.”
“You want to run more?!”
“I kind of owe you for helping me out today. Are you sure you don’t want a ride?”
“I’m sure, and don’t worry about owing me anything. We’re friends, so we’re cool.”
“No, you’re cool,” Chance corrected. The sudden compliment caught Gloria off guard, and she began to blush. “So if you don’t need a ride, how about I buy you lunch one of these days?”
“Y-you mean l-like a d-date?!” Gloria asked.
“A date? Now that’s gay.”
“S-shut up dumbass!”
“Sure, but I still owe you lunch. Let’s talk about this later.”
“S-sure…” Chance got into his graffitied car after a quick goodbye, and drove off. Gloria waited until he was out of sight before jogging home. She had become aroused after watching Pasiphaë and hearing Chance compliment her. Thankfully Lucia had left a doll that looked like him back at the dojo that would be perfect to relieve herself. “Dumbass…”
That night found Artemis spying on Chance from the treehouse once again. She was bruised from the minotaur’s rough lovemaking, but the experience had left her with a sense of clarity. She had it all wrong from the beginning. Her mission wasn’t to help Chance, it was to claim him for herself! However this new mission meant she needed a new strategy, and that meant she needed more information. So she continued watching him watch TV in his bathrobe. It might have also been because she thought it made him look sexy, but that was beside the point. “Chance… I… Love… You…” she whispered. “You… Are… Mine…” <3