Authors Note: Another reply to a 'What do you do?' scenario. The setup on this one is a little involved, but you can read the whole thing on Reality Warper's blog.

Basically, you love your strong, hot Hellhound waifu and how she's always there to bail you out of trouble. The flip side is that you're left constantly feeling as though you don't contribute enough to the relationship. Just when it looks like you have a new job lined up where you're in a position to provide for both of you, your waifu gets an even more lucrative job offer as a bouncer for an establishment owned by a Gyoubu Danuki. You're even encouraged to join her at work to help take some of the edge off, lest she gets too overenthusiastic and violent with the Mamono clientele.

Voicing your concerns to your wife, she rather vaguely tells you to 'prepare for training' that begins the following week. Being a Hellhound, you assume she means combat and prepare accordingly, but to your surprise she has an apron and a brochure for a cooking class for Mamono spouses offered by an Inari. Anything having to do with fighting or combat is a non-starter as far as she's concerned, since she points out that you're the frail and vulnerable one in this relationship.

You do little to conceal your disappointment, since you wanted to become more useful in combat situations and not have to rely on your wife. Sensing your discouragement, she says she can still get a refund and that the decision whether or not to enroll is up to you.

What do you do?

I know she says she adores me and I don't have to do anything more for her, but my biggest fear is what if she one day wakes up and asks herself the exact same questions I've been asking about what I bring to our relationship.

Swallowing my pride, I know that she's right and I agree to take the Inari's month-long cooking course for Mamono husbands. The weeks seemingly go by in a blur and it's nowhere near as bad as I thought. Despite my gorgeous Hellhound wife thoroughly enjoying the fruits of the cooking school a thought occurs to me.

It's not enough.

That particular thought hit me like a ton of bricks one night. I found myself in a smaller, much more seedier bar than where my wife worked on the way home from the Inari's cooking classes one night. After knocking back a few drinks, I head towards the door and notice what looks like a bulletin board by the front door. A few announcements for rooms for rent, shady solicitations for 'money making opportunities' and something about a 'Mamono Matchmaker Service'. However, something else caught my eye. I absently pull a little tab of paper from the ad with the contact information. It's a bit risky for a married man such as myself, but I figure it's worth it.

The following night the Inari's cooking class gets out a little earlier than usual. Remembering the slip of paper in my coat's pocket, I find myself making my way halfway across town, to a seedy, slightly run-down neighborhood dotted with red lanterns. Hoping it isn't too late, I make my way to the address on the slip of paper, climb a single flight of stairs and knock on the door. After a moment's wait, the door opens up a crack and I see a Ren Xiongmao looking back at the other side of the door. Before she can utter a word, I hold up the little scrap of paper as if to confirm I have the right address. She says nothing right away before nodding and opening the door a little wider to lean out and confirm I'm by myself. The quiet, voluptuous Momono is barely dressed in a tiny silk robe that's barely covering her assets.

Satisfied that I'm by myself, the Ren Xiongmao silently beckons me to come inside.

I hope I don't regret this I tell myself as I follow the girl inside her apartment.

"Hey sweetie- why did you come home so late last night?" my wife asks me over breakfast the following morning. Her tone seems more curious than accusatory.

" and guys from the class went out for some drinks afterwards." I say

"Awww..." she pouts. "Why didn't you come by and say 'hi' while I was at work?"

"I thought about it, but for the other guys, it's a little too far out of the way for them from where they live."

"Well, I hope you're able to come by a little later on and show my boss what you learned so far."

I begin coughing as some food goes down the wrong pipe. I'm pretty sure my beautiful wife would not appreciate me putting what the Ren Xiongmao had been teaching me to work on the Gyoubu Danuki who hired her.

My wife eyes me suspiciously, as though I'm caught off-guard by her seemingly innocent statement.

"I....I might be able to do that this week...." I say to her through a napkin as I excuse myself from the table.

Throughout the class and into the evening, all I could think about was my next meeting with the younger Ren Xiongmao. We had agreed to meet up at her place at the same time the following night, and I could only hope that my already suspicious wife hadn't found anything out yet.

I briskly make my way back to the red lantern district and before I know it, I'm once again knocking on the Ren Xiongmao's door. This time she doesn't even bother checking to see if I'm alone and quickly ushers me into her place. She's wearing a much longer robe tonight, however, it doesn't stay on for very long. As she makes her way towards a table further back into her apartment, she effortlessly slips out of the robe and picks up a small towel before climbing onto the table so she's facing down, the towel now covering her backside.

"Your turn- you can do me now...." she says quietly, her accent heavy with a dialect from the mist continent.

I grab one of the bottles of lotion from the little stand next to the table and start rubbing it on my hands.

" no need use lotion for this...."

"Sorry..." I say sheepishly. "I'm still kind of new to this."

"It's fine. We take it slow...." she softly reassures me.

My hands find their way to her bare shoulders and gently start rubbing.

"How's this?" I nervously ask.

"Good. Good. But more slowly...Whole point is to take it nice and slow..." she admonished me, seemingly barely awake.

"OK...." was the last thing I managed to say before the Ren Xionmao's front door exploded in a shower of splinters.


My heart sank like a stone as I was looking at the now-furious visage of my wife standing in the doorway, her breathing ragged.

"Oh shit..." I whimper as my hellhound spouse stomps her way into the apartment. "I-I-it's not what it looks like, babe..."

This does nothing to placate her as she closes in on me. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice the Ren Xiongmao is now starting to get up, her arms held across her considerable bosom and a towel on her lap.

"What-?" she started to ask before being cut off by a ferocious snarl from my wife.

"Don't say a word, you whore!" she growled for emphasis. She turned to me "And YOU!!! Give me one good reason what I shouldn't have 'CHEATER' branded on your ass with a white-hot iron before marching you naked through town...."

"Sweetie, I can explain...."

As far as I know, those words have never worked on an irate Hellhound. The look of fury in her eyes seemed to be giving way to despair. Before I know it, I see what appears to be steam wafting from her eyes- it was her tears, almost instantly evaporating in a puff of steam but still noticeable. With a heavy heart, I realize that my sneaking around had driven the most important woman in my life to tears.

"If you didn't like the cooking classes, why couldn't you just tell me instead of trying to get back at me by whoring around on me!" she almost howled. "How could you do this to me!?"

"Hey...I no whore..." the Ren Xiongmao said indignantly.

"'s not what it looks like." I hold up the slip of paper I picked up from the bar the other night.

'Learn Secrets of Mist Continent-style hot stone massage!'

She takes it from me and holds onto it long enough to read it before the slip of paper bursts into flames in her paws.

"I'm sorry....I wanted it to be a surprise! I...I didn't think cooking would be enough for you at the end of the day, so I thought I'd learn massage so I could help you relax whenever you get home."

Her fiery eyes darted between me and the Ren Xiongmao. Even though I explained what had been going on, she still seemed skeptical.

"A hot stone massage? You dummy...." she said as she wiped her eyes with the back of her sizeable paws. "Did you forget that I'm pretty much made of hot stone?"

"I didn't mean to hurt you....I didn't mean to go behind your back..." I plead. "Since you do everything, I wanted to learn how to make you dinner and give you the massage to end all massages after a long shift at the bar..."

Her only immediate response was to put a finger to her chin as though in sinister contemplation.

"Strip...." she ordered.


"I said STRIP!!" she snarled with authority. So much so that when I was fumbling with my pants, I heard something fall on the floor. I turned my head and saw that the towel was no longer around the Ren Xiongmao massage instructor. Standing before us naked as the day she was born, clearly the Ren Xiongmao didn't want to take any chances whether or not my wife's instructions were meant for her.

As my clothes were beginning to pile up on the floor of the instructor's apartment, the Ren Xiongmao covered herself up.

"Now..." my wife said sternly. "Turn around and put both hands together behind your back." Again, I could see that the curvaceous were-beast from the Mist continent was timidly following my wife's instructions.

"Not you!" she snapped at the masseuse.

With my back turned to my wife, I could feel her close in before I felt something bite into my arms.

"Y-you brought your own rope?" I ask.

"Because I knew you were doing something stupid, dear.." she said- her tone remarkably calm and sweet. "Or something really sweet and romantic. I still haven't decided. Either way, I came prepared..."

After binding my hands, she then looped the rope around my chest a few times before fastening the rope securing my hands to the one around my chest- all done with surprising dexterity given her paws.

"You're really going to do this?" I plead to my wife. "You're really going to walk me home on a leash?"

"It's late- there's hardly anyone awake to see you, so let's just say I'm feeling a bit charitable." besides she taunted as she fashioned a makeshift lead, her eyes glancing downward for a moment. "Besides, I'd say it looks like you're enjoying yourself." she purred as she leaned in and put her lips on my neck, working her way up to my earlobe with a tantalizing, sensual mix of kisses and playful bites and nibbles.

In about 30 seconds she was done trussing me up and getting ready to drag me out of the Ren Xiongmao's apartment while carrying my clothes. But before we left, it seemed the massage instructor managed to find her voice.

"Wait...." she called out.

My wife turned and shot her a gaze that should've incinerated her. I was pretty sure the Mist continent Mamono was going to ask about the damages to her doorway or her fee for services rendered. Instead, a rose hued blush was blossoming throughout her body. The voluptuous, docile werebeast from the Mist continent was still nude, but using her hands to cover her breasts and between her legs.

"Can....can you teach me to tie knots like that?" she asked.

It was only the beginning of a very interesting night.

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