A/N: "Hey, Pon." "Yes sir?" "Stand here for a moment." "Okay." *Just as Pon switches places with me, he's covered in Arachne silk and wrapped up* "Excellent technique as always, Elsa." "Thank you, Drake." *High-fives, Pon gets dragged off by Elsa* Five one-shots down, twenty to go! Our subject for today is the 'assassin of the desert', who silently takes men and never lets them go. You know who I'm talking about, right? C'mon, say it with me...Girtablilu! *Silence in the audience* Really? You guys wanted to look like an idiot that badly? Sigh, you win this time. Girtablilu is a misunderstood species in my (professionally air-filled) opinion. Sure, they sting you and never let you get soft, but that's the only way they can be sure of their love. So, in order to have a chapter that's not all sex, I've added my own little take on things. Don't worry, no one's ever harmed in these one-shots and there's an important message to be learned here. So many secrets, so little words...okay, let's read!


“You really just do whatever you want, don't you?”

“Hmm...if you see it that way, then yes.”

-Poke Poke Poke-

“Hahahaha! Stop, it tickles!”

'Quinn' is once again trying to inject me with her venom, the only thing stopping her being the cork that is stuck on her tail's stinger. She has never told me her true name, so I just call her Quinn for now. She is always giving me a perpetual glare as she continues to poke me with her stinger, and if it wasn't for the veil covering her face, it's very likely that she's frowning at me. I actually don't mind that she's doing this; it helps her vent at the very least. The fire between us is slowly dying out, but I doubt that the embers of her fury will ever be extinguished.

Without saying anything to her, I simply reach out with my hand and pat her head as she trembles in frustration.

“I'm sorry, but you seem to rely on your stinger far too much.” I say it with a smile, earning a shiver from Quinn.

“...I hate you.” She answers straightforwardly.

“I don't hate you, though. If you would just let men see your beauty alone, maybe you would be happier in finding a husband.”

“I don't need to use my looks. I can just take a husband whenever I want with my venom.” She crosses her arms over her chest and looks away from me.

“Tell me, have you ever seduced a man before or do you just resort to your venom from the start?” A sly smiles makes itself known on my face as I set up my tent.

“Of course I've seduced someone before, idiot. It just takes too much time to get it right...” Quinn shyly dodges the subject as she comes to help.

“I bet you just suck at it and don't want me to call you out...which I am.” My provocation receives a sharp jab to my side with her corked stinger with anger set into her amethyst eyes.

I can only smile widely as she keeps trying to harm me after the tent is finished. I offer to set up an extra sleeping bag for Quinn, but she promptly leaves me alone inside the tent. After the sleeping bag is prepared and a lantern is lit, I sit for a while writing about the day's events in my journal. I've written down everything that's happened to me since my arrival in this desert, from experimenting new ways to eat cactus, to outsmarting monster girls, even swiping a few bottles of wine from a group of bandits. It's one of those very bottles that accidentally corked Quinn's stinger.

“...Hey you.” Quinn pokes her head inside my tent with a mean look.

“Hm?” I respond, but barely make an effort to look away from my journal.

“We are going to see the Pharaoh tomorrow morning; no excuses.” Then, Quinn leaves as quickly as she appeared.

“Okay...” I set aside my journal and blow out the lantern, lying down afterwards as I ready myself for the next day.


“Excuse us, I have to report to Pharaoh Datura; this man is part of it.” Quinn explains to an Anubis guard once we're inside the ruins.

“Very well, you may pass.” The Anubis looks at me with stern eyes, but doesn't seem overtly hostile.

Before long, we reach the Pharaoh's chambers and somehow, she is absent. There isn't much room for us to speculate where she is because the sounds of loud, rough, and unrestricted pleasure-making are filling the room. Quinn and I can only stand around in awkwardness as the Pharaoh's moans gradually get louder until finally we hear the sound of an explosive orgasm. A couple of Anubis appear behind us and move to the sides of the Pharaoh's throne just as she emerges from a curtain in the back of the room. Once she sits down at her throne, she gestures for us to approach and with a bow, Quinn speaks.

“My Mistress, I am here to report an issue concerning this human.”

The Pharaoh shifts in her seat before giving a smile as she looks me over.

“Mina, you know it's okay to just call me Datura. You may do so as well, human.”

I make a mental note to remember my companion's true name from now on.

“Um...okay...Datura?” I awkwardly call her name, which widens her grin.

“Now Mina, what seems to be the problem?” Datura leans forward in apparent interest.

“...This.” Mina thrusts her tail forward to show the Pharaoh her corked stinger.

“Care to explain yourself, human?” Datura looks at me sternly.

“She tried to stab me with her tail, and all I had in my hands at the time was a wine bottle; the wine tasted much better than usual after that.” Mina thrusts her tail into my side as a response.

“I'm sure it did. Unfortunately, I can't do anything to help.”

Mina leaves the room with a look of hardship clouding her face. I go to follow, but Datura's guards stop me and turn me back to face her.

“Alan, why did you really stick that cork on Mina's stinger?” Datura asks me in a honey-sweet voice. The fact that she knows my name is only a small testament to her magical power.

“I don't know what you're talking about. It was an accident.” I try to pass it off, but against a Pharaoh, lying is pointless.

“Do not take me for a fool, Alan. I know everything about you, so I will ask again: why did you do it?” Her face has a much darker expression now and I can feel the magic in her voice.

“I want to try to change her. She relies too heavily on her venom to find a husband instead of using charm and seduction. I apologize if I have offended you by taking such an action.” I sincerely kneel down before Datura and await her response.

“Stand up, Alan. Mina is a dear old friend of mine and I cannot condone your actions no matter what the reason. Therefore...please take good care of her. She's been lonely for quite some time, and I think you might just be the one for her. Let's keep this a secret between us, okay? If you'll excuse me...” Datura rises from her throne and disappears behind the back curtain, probably for more fun with her husband.

After I'm rushed out by the Anubis guards, Mina skitters to me.

“What did you two talk about in there?”

“The reason why you're so much more beautiful than your Pharaoh.”

Mina pokes me again with her tail.

“Idiot.” She says with a blushing face.


A/N: Oh my, that Pharaoh has more 'fun' than I do on weekly basis. Plus, her Anubis guards must be very tolerant if they have to stand around listening to those moans echoing through the ruins everyday. *Pon returns shirtless* "I never knew you were so muscled under that shirt." *Pon glares at me* "Oh, don't give me that. Your assets are still safe. By the way, you've got to return home to your wife after this." "What!?" *I hand him a picture of his new wife* "Yeah, she came in while you were 'out' and asked for an interview to be your wife. Luckily for her, she brought a whole strawberry cheesecake as tribute for me, so I approved her request immediately." "You accepted a bribe!?" "No, it wasn't a bribe, it was an offering; a very delicious offering. Now get out!" *Pon gets kicked out of the room again* Well, that was fun. I got to enjoy the chapter and messing with my favorite Pon (read 'Pawn'). If anyone wants to provide tribute to me, anything strawberry-flavored is highly favored! *Ahem* As you can tell, I really enjoyed writing this chapter, especially the part when Alan gets poked (i.e. the whole chapter). Originally, I was going to make him the vacationing cousin of the MC from last chapter, but I decided that it would be a waste of words. Still, anyone else agree with me that you don't need gimmicks to find love? *Nearly all of the audience members raise hands* See, I can be an honest guy sometimes. Well, next chapter we're going to be dealing with one of those 'royal merger marriages' (which are stupid in my opinion), but since it's going to be a Minotaur, I'm not complaining. See you all tomorrow!