I decided to move my WWYD response to a blog because of it's length. the Orignal poster of the WWYD is PhantomGeneral On your way to getting some groceries, you spot a kikimora sitting outside the entrance to the store. She is holding a sign saying "Will maid for shelter and food". Judging by her tattered clothing and overall appearance, she seems to have been without a home and heartbroken for quite some time now.
What would you do?
My response:
After noticing the battered Kikimora with the "Will maid for shelter and food" sign, a light bulb appeared above my head and lit up brightly then went out. I looked up……. “What the!” then I smacked it and it came back on.
Without much thought, I swiftly grab the "Will maid for shelter and food" sign out of her hands and threw it on the ground just to stomp on it a couple of times…..1 *Stomp*…….2*Stomp*……3*Stomp; then spit on it *ptff* *ptff*. ß *insert anime face*
I looked back at her face only to see that her reaction of being appalled by my actions.
“What?......why?” she asked while being confused and slightly scared of my actions.
Without any words spoken to her to respond back with, I scoop her up as if she was a princess, smile at her and gave her the thumbs up and held on to her tightly in my grasp and carried her off.
As I was carrying her (she was heavy actually) she was docile at first because everything had happen so quickly, but I continued to walk down the streets, she started to make a scene.
(Thank God nobody was around)
She blushes and tries to struggle while being carried as I walk.
“Let go of me you pervert!” she yelled at me.
I got nervous while she was yelling and I scanned my surroundings with the quickness to make sure no one was around.
“Calm down calm down, I’m not here to hurt you.” I tell her while shitting bricks.
“Lair!” she yells and throws a fit whaling her arms.
She then proceeds to pull out a paper fan and smacks me up side my head.
(Where the hell did you get that!?)
*SMACK!*
“Owe that hurt! quit smacking me! ack!”
I put her down just to calm her down……….it didn’t work……she kept smacking me upside my.
“Ahh help!” she screamed.
*SMACK!*
“ack!”
“PERVERT!” she yells again but with a megaphone.
*SMACK!*
“Owe!”
(What the!? Why do you have that?)
*SMACK*
She then starts pulling out random objects and hitting me in the head with them.
First shoe “Owe!”
Then an umbrella “Ackk!
Then a random passing by kid hands her whip *Crack!* “AHHH!” (I’m not into this!)
Then she pulls a kitchen sink from underneath her dress “How in the…..” *KURBLONK!*
I’m on the ground beaten to a pulp with my hand reaching out to try to get away from her.
“I’m a defenseless monster! Help!” she says then pulls out a metal bat with nails glued on the tip.
(AH COME ON! You got to be kidding me! I need help!)
She swings and the bat lands near my face putting a dent into the ground……..I turned pale blue.
“Wait wait wait, you got it all wrong!”
She then stops her assault and panicking and looks at me with distrust in her eyes.
“Listen please don’t hurt me….I wasn’t trying to cause you any harm, I was just taking you up on your offering and taking you with me to go shopping.”
She raises an eye brow at my words “Are you telling the truth?” she says to me in disbelief.
“I promise!”
“Hmm then why then you snatched my sign out of my hand and through it on to the ground just to spit on it!? HUH?” she says to me with her face pressed against mines while having the bat next to my neck. I got nervous……I almost wet myself.
Regaining my composure I explain why I did what I did.
“The reason why I did that was because that sign reminded me of the time when I got kicked out and abandoned by my foster parents. I was homeless and alone as a kid….I didn’t like it…..not one bit. I told myself I don’t ever want to go back to that and when I say your sign I was reminded of that time.”
Her eyes widen.
“Really!?” she asked in shock.
“Yea, when I saw you sitting there with an expression of sadness and nowhere else to go…it struck a chord in me. I want to help this woman.”
I look away and scratch my face “If you want you can stay with me and I’ll give you a nice warm home to live in, even though it’s not much and I live alone. Plus you can consider me family seeing is how you might not have any.” I then look back at her kind of embarrassed.
“Really? You’d do that for me?” she says me with sparking anime puppy dog eyes while her tail was waging vigorously.
“Yea, I also figured since you’re a maid, It would be nice having your services around. Plus I think you’re really cute too. I really don’t mind that you’re a monster, I’m not like others that judge.”
Out of nowhere she pounces on to me and I we fall on to the ground. She nuzzles my face and wags her dog like tail in happiness.
“Thank you sooo much…you’re the nicest person I’ve met, kind enough to take this filthy monster woman in and give her a home. I will serve you till my last breath master.” She says and continues to nuzzle me.
“Ok ok, let’s get go shopping and get you home to a hot bath and a hot meal.”
“Aye Master!” she says to me happily then kisses me on the lips.
When lock lips for a moment and she pulls away.
“um……what?”
“Well since we’re going to be living together, you’re going to my master and my husband now from now on.” She says to me happily.
“Wait what!? Husband!? What happen to you just being a maid.”
Gives me a anime death glare; smog come from out her mouth and flames of hades are in her eyes.
‘HUH!” she spews out
“uhhh………..what’s for dinner honey? I can’t wait to try your homemade cooking.” I say back to her in fear of her dark side.
She goes back to normal with a smile on her face “Where having stewed dumplings today.” She tells me.
“Come on hubby let’s get to the store and get home quickly so I can feed you and shower up….I haven’t bathe in a few days and I want new cloth.”
(ugh….I wonder who’s the master now.)
She gleefully drags me off to the store while I’m on the ground with tears coming from my eyes.
“What have I done to myself.”