It’s a nice, bright morning. The Harpies are singing and the Arachne skittering. It was a fairly cheerful morning. Well, cheerful for a swamp, that is. In contrast to the different shades of green and brown, a woman with pink fur and long ears bounced around, humming a cheerful tune.
Upon reaching a small cottage, her humming stopped, but a bright grin was still glued to her face. She knocks on the door and resumes her humming, holding her hands behind her back and swaying back-and-forth.
The door soon opens up slightly to reveal a tired looking eye, and then the door to opens up fully and reveal a tired looking Dark Mage. The Dark Mage lets out a yawn and opens the door wider.
“Come in,” the Dark Mage says as the bunny girl, a March Hare, hops into the cottage. The Dark Mage closing the door behind her.
“Gooood morning!” the March Hare says, taking a seat. The Dark Mage merely just answers with a soft mumble and takes a seat next to the March Hare.
“This took all night to finish, so I’m hope you’re appreciative,” the Dark Mage says with a yawn placing a hand on the handle of a basket. A basket, seemingly, filled high with chicken eggs. The March Hare’s grin goes full blown smile.
“Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!” the March Hare says, wrapping her arms around the Dark Mage. She then plants a kiss on her cheek.
“Heh heh, alright. I’ve placed an enchantment on the basket so it’s easy to carry. Also, here’s a blanket to cover the eggs. Don’t want anyone getting too suspicious. You remember our deal, right?”
“Yup! You’re free to choose anyone you find!’ With that, the March Hare picks up the basket and bounds out of the cottage; leaving the Dark Mage to lay her head down on the table and fall asleep.
The March Hare knows she has a long day ahead of her for her plans to come to fruition. As much as she wants to just bound as quickly as possible to town, she can’t let any of the eggs fall and crack open. Not yet anyway.
Leaving the swamp area and entering a forest, the March Hare soon comes upon three Leanan Sidhe with all three caring a paint brush. Not being rude, the March Hare greets the three which draw their attention to not only her, but the basket she’s carrying.
“What’s that you’re carrying?” one of the Leanan Sidhe asks with the other two staring at the blanket-covered content with curiosity.
“Do you really want to know?” the March Hare asks, leaning forward. The three fairies nod vigorously. The March Hare smiles and removes the blanket off the eggs.
“Eggs?” another one of the Leanan Sidhe asks, all three circling around to inspect the content more thoroughly.
“I’m taking these over to town for a great surprise.” The March Hare can see the sparkle in the fairies’ eyes, wanting to know more. Of course, the March Hare really wanted to tell someone else about this plan, so she’s more than willing to spill the beans.
“Okay, so, I had my Dark Mage friend who lives near here to concoct something special. I had her create a special gas that will send humans and Mamono into a sex frenzy!” the March Hare started to explain, even throwing her arms up to emphasize the last part.
“Why?” one of the Leanan Sidhe asks and a second nods in agreement. The third one’s attention is drawn over to the eggs and she starts flying over to them.
“Well, not only does it turn me on to see a huge orgy, the bigger the better, but this can help me find a single human to claim as my hubby! I offered Miss Dark Mage any single man she finds.”
“So, are you just going to go around chucking eggs all over the town?” the second Leanan Sidhe asks.
“Nah. My friend made it so these should go off by morning. By the time everyone is up, they’ll be plowing each other like, well, rabbits. He he! Oh, except the children. They’ll be fast asleep, so they may wake up to new mommies and daddies.”
The Leanan Sidhe were taking in every word of the March Hare; even applauding her after her little explanation. The March Hare gives a bow and gets ready to pick up her basket of eggs until she notices the third Leanan Sidhe holding one of her eggs. Except the one she was holding was decorated in many patterns and colors.
“Um, I thought they could use a little something. They just seemed boring being just plain white eggs…” the Leanan Sidhe explains, looking down apologetically. The March Hare wasn’t mad, in fact, she looked at the Leanan Sidhe with a huge smile and sparkles in her eyes.
“That’s perfect! We should color these eggs!” the March Hare exclaims holding the painted egg up and admiring it. The three Leanan Sidhe look between each other and nod. Each of them takes out a paint brush and dive right towards the eggs.
After a couple of hours, the Leanan Sidhe were putting the final touches on the eggs. The March Hare just looked on in barely sustained excitement looking at the fairies’ work.
All of the eggs were decorated in all different colors and designs. From blues and pinks to stripes and polka dots, thanks to the skillful hands of the Leanan Sidhe no two eggs looked exactly the same.
The March Hare scooped up the three little fairies and gave them all a big hug and kisses on their little heads.
“You girls are amazing! The eggs look so pretty!” The March Hare exclaimed as the three were finally able to break free, coved in saliva.
“So, Ms. March Hare, can we also find a husband, too?” one of the Leanan Sidhe asks, all of them giving the best puppy-dog eyes.
“You can have three; just make sure you’re in town by morning. Well, time to set everything up!” And with that, the March Hare covered up her now beautifully painted eggs, picks up the basket, and starts hopping as fast as she can to town; Still being careful enough to not drop any of the eggs.
The March Hare had finally made it to town with plenty of daylight to spare. It wasn’t a very big town by any stretch, but it was a fairly cozy place and it was monster-friendly so you could see just as many Mamono-human couples as you did plain human couples. But it wasn’t the couples the March Hare was interested in. It was the single men, ripe for the sexing.
The March Hare set out to be as inconspicuous as possible to place her colorful eggs. Sadly, even in a monster-friendly town, seeing a March Hare wonder around town caring a basket full of something was pretty unusual. Especially a husbandless March Hare outside of Wonderland. But while it was an unusual sight, the people didn’t really pay too much attention to her as long as she didn’t cause too much trouble. Lucky her.
The task takes pretty much the rest of the day. The March Hare moved all around the town, placing eggs here and there. Admittedly, some of the hiding spots were better than others. She did properly hide a few, but there were some she felt were too pretty to hide, so she partially hid those. A lot of those eggs were actually found by some of the children in town and taken home. Or thrown in the trash, but the March Hare had plenty.
With the last egg hidden inside a bush, at this she giggled, the March Hare mentally complemented herself for a job well done. All that was left was the waiting part. By morning, the eggs will have hatched and the March Hare shall find the single human who shall be her husband. Just as long as the Dark Mage or one of the Leanan Sidhe hadn’t claimed him. She’s sure she’ll find one.
The sun was rising on the horizon revealing the town shrouded in a seemingly pink fog. The eggs have hatched and the magic they released was taking affect. Children were gently falling asleep, and those that were already asleep were put in a deeper sleep.
The adults, on the other hand, were going at each other. Not only were there Mamono and their husbands doing it, but human women were taking as many men as they could handle. Any man not currently having sex was just mindlessly wondering around looking for an unclaimed female.
Considering this wasn’t exactly a quiet affair, the sounds of love making was instantly picked up by the March Hare. The moment she had heard these wonderful sounds, she instantly jumped out of bed and ran down the stairs of the inn she as staying at. Even down stairs the inn was full of guest exploring each other’s bodies. The March Hare, however, wanted to see the real show.
Upon opening the door, she was greeted to a sight of utter debauchery. Men, women, and Mamono, all having sex on the streets where everyone could see their lewd acts and all the squishy and squelching noises that came with it.
The March Hare couldn’t help shed a tear at this beautiful sight. But she knew she couldn’t dilly-dally too long. The magic will wear off soon and she needed to find a husband. So, taking a deep breath, the magic not really affecting her do to Mach Hare being perpetually horny, she bounded off into the town.
Traversing the town, the March Hare saw many couples happily making love and plenty of single men just wondering around. All of this made the March Hare wetter than the ocean, but she knew she wanted to find the perfect husband. The more she looked, the more worried she got and was about to just settle for the next single man she saw until she found him.
To anyone else, this guy was as normal and plain looking as one could get. He had short, brown hair; wasn’t fat, skinny, or muscular; and wasn’t very tall. But in the March Hare’s rose colored vision, she saw the perfect man. Something in her heart, and loins, told her he was the man she had set this crazy scheme up for.
Without a moment’s hesitation, the March Hare bounded up to the man and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
“Hey there, cutie,” the March Hare says looking into the man’s eyes. The man also didn’t hesitate and immediately grabbed the March Hare by the shoulders, planted a big kiss on her lips while exploring her mouth with this tongue, and toppled both of them over onto the ground.
It was well into the afternoon, and a young man with short, brown hair groggily opened his eyes. He just woke up but he still felt exhausted. He also felt like he already woke up for the day, but all he can remember after that is a lot of pink. That’s when he felt something shift in his bed.
When he saw what looked like some bunny-girl in his bed, it all started to come back to him. Wondering the streets, meeting this girl after she kissed him, them spending several hours making sweet love, and somehow making it back to his house. With a sigh, the man sits up in his bed which causes the girl next to him to wake up.
“Hello, darling,” the March Hare says, smiling sweetly. The man looks over to her and lets out another sigh, not of annoyance but just all around tiredness.
“So I guess this makes me your husband now, right?” asks the man, which is answered with only a nod and the March Hare moving to lay her head on her new husband’s lap. “May I have your name?”
The March Hare nuzzles her face into her husband’s stomach, taking a deep whiff of his sent, and looking up to him still smiling that sugar-coated smile. “Esther. Esther Bunni.”
(A/N): Finally go tthis one out. This one took much longer than I wanted it to. I wanted this out a week ago.
This is the lewdest one-shot I've written and probably will ever write on here. Seemed appropriate for this particular MG.
This story was essentially based entirely on that name pun. I'm only half sorry.